excited..?...?..

calvary has been taking a .25 mg of his medication for 5 days now. 
yesterday it was like i woke up a different child for the day. 
he was sleeping so soundly that he didn't even know that i came in the room.  i picked out his clothes, sat beside him on his bed, and stroked his hair before he even stirred.  unlike our normal morning routine of growling about the change from weekend to school day he just gave me a huge smile.  in the midst of a chaotic weekend i had forgotten to go by the store and get milk so i nervously prepared calvary for not being able to have his only acceptable frosted flakes for breakfast.  usually, even if we are having something else that he likes such as cinnamon rolls or even on the occasion poptarts he resists quite vehemently.  yesterday morning, he said "okay" and happily sat at the table. 
after school he got into the car and proudly announced that he was the only kid to get two hershey kisses for his behavior...
i was starting to question whether calvary was simply having the best day that i could ever remember him having or if the meds were to blame (thank?). 
at this point i put the turn signal to go the opposite way than we usually do which signifies that we aren't going home.  calvary NEVER does well with having any after school activities.  usually i prepare him when he gets in the car because that helps his reaction be a little better; but if i ever forget and i start turning before i tell him...well, let's just say it isn't pretty.  even if it is something exciting like going to the park or to get a treat or to meet friends...he just doesn't want to do anything besides the expected. 
but yesterday not only were we going to the store to get milk (he HATES going to the store) but i also forgot to prepare him...the minute i pushed down the turn signal i started waiting for his reaction...but nothing. 
at this point i told them what we were doing and started watching calvary with a little more critical eye. 
at the store he asked to sit in the buggy...which is usual...but he didn't protest when oliver jack got in with him.  he never got irritated with oliver jack's invasion of his space.
finley wasn't exactly well behaved in the store and has herself a little tantrum over candy at the check out.  her correction was to lose the privilege of sharing the candy with her brothers and sister.  she cried in protest the entire ride home.  instead of screaming and growling because of the noise, calvary simply covered his ears and said, "that shouting sure does hurt my ears".
at this point, i knew. 
once we got home, calvary and harper ran off to play.  when oliver jack wanted to join in the play calvary hesitated but eventually allowed it. 
now, here's the moment that i called the doctor...
calvary still didn't really want oliver jack to play with them so he offered to let oliver jack stay in his room and play with his legos!  unheard of...really. 
calvary still had his own opinions about how things should be played.  he had energy.  but he wasn't on edge.  he had lost that intensity that i had come so familiar with that i haven't even realized how much i have catered to it. 
he has had good days...but most of those days are the result of everything being perfect...his routine, his clothes, his environment, his playmates, and his food...but this day was far from calvary's perfect. 
i called the doctor to ask if it was too soon to see results or if it was just my imagination.  she told me that it was to be expected to start seeing results.  praise the Lord! 
i then asked if we were seeing results if we could stay at the same low dosage instead of moving up to a little higher...and praise the Lord again...she said yes! 
so, yes, the meds seem to be helping my boy enjoy his life...he is smiling, he is happy.  he has laughed with oliver jack the past two mornings at breakfast and i can see oliver jack's skepticism in his eyes as they interact...he is cautiously enjoying calvary's relaxed side. 


my prayer checklist

•  we would see results with the first medicine that we try so that we won't have to go on a pill hunt
• we wouldn't have to drug him out
• that we won't see a cyclical pattern in his behavior that needs additional medications to balance indicating early on-set bipolar disorder

i know that we are early in on this, but i am choosing to believe that all of this is an answer to my very specific prayers.  i know that calvary's body could start to respond differently over the next couple of weeks. but my prayer for this medicine has always been that it will help us to rule out what it is not--i don't expect it to be a long term solution or our crutch--and i am grateful for yesterday.  i am grateful for a day that shows me what life can be for him. 

calvary is still calvary.  he doesn't like changes in his routine.  he doesn't like loud noises.  he doesn't want to share.  he doesn't like transitioning from his "obsessions". 
but yesterday, and so far today, i have seen a child that is capable of handling all of these things with far less intervention from me.  what a gift. 
still praying for my son. 
my prayer is that others will join me...