disney dilemma

if i am going to be honest i have to admit that i have some reservations about our upcoming trip.  we haven't taken a vacation like this since calvary has been alive.  we have gone to the beach every year and, as i have mentioned before, the water is the best form of therapy for calvary.  we have taken a day trip to carowinds and while he enjoyed himself there were quite a few moments of tension and intensity.  he lost his voice from screaming and he had a difficult time winding down after we got home...he remained "on edge" for several hours afterwards. 
and while all of this makes me a little nervous the biggest concern i have is the battle calvary has been fighting much more obviously to outsiders lately...i say more obvious to outsiders because i am not sure he hasn't always struggled with this but the medication has really helped calvary have more distinguishable emotions.  before the medication all of his emotions were filtered through anger.  if he was excited, he would seem angry.  if he was sad, he would seem angry.  if he was hurt, he would seem angry.  but ever since he has been on his medication i have seen calvary show emotions other than anger.  he cried one night because i was leaving to have coffee with lori.  usually he would just act mad at me and growl and frown. 
anyway, the interesting effect has been that i have now started to realize that calvary really struggles with what he wants to do versus what he can do. 
i don't mean "can" as in his physical ability...i mean "can" as in what he will allow himself to do. 
it is heartbreaking to watch him want so much to do something that he knows is supposed to be fun but his inability to handle change or his almost OCD tendencies keeps him from allowing those things to happen. 
i have seen it much more clearly ever since we have started medicating him and it really helps me understand that this conflict has been the root of so much of his anger in the past.  before we wouldn't be able to deal with the conflict because we were too focused on dealing with the effect of the conflict.  our efforts had to be focused on calming him down. 
as annoying as it is to see your child be angry all of the time it becomes almost more heartbreaking than i can handle to see him cry without anger for basically the first time in his life. 
i have seen harper, oliver jack, and finley all be sad...but calvary has really disguised his sadness with anger for his whole life. 
that being said, he hasn't been overly sad.  he has had moments of appropriate sadness.  we just aren't used to it. 
anyway, back to disney...
i am concerned that calvary is going to have a very difficult time between seeing all of this fun stuff that he wants to do and not being able to let himself do it. 
all of this is bound to work itself up into a meltdown of epic proportions. 
and disney is supposed to be fun...
obviously this has not happened and i know that this is one of those worrisome moments that i just need to give over to the One who can control it instead of fearing my inability to control....but....that is always easier said than done.
i am thankful that we are going...i just want it to be a wonderful trip full of happy memories...without being overshadowed with any negativity. 
they are all SO excited.