- camp fires in our backyard with our nieces and our kids' aunt and uncle :) (this just happened moments ago so it is fresh on my mind)
- meaningful conversations
- finding the members of our nativity rearranged in interesting locations...right now mary is getting kind of cozy with the shepherd.
- oliver jack reading his very first two words through sounding out the letters! he has been working hard in his lessons for three days now and we are so proud of him...
- getting some new contacts...sounds petty...but i loathe my glasses!
- messages from friends because they have found something with a mustache on it and it has made them think of harper.
- people growing mustaches for harper as a christmas present.
- how much harper loves that people are growing a mustache for her as a present...it is really weird...but it will be something she remembers forever and she will feel oh so loved...
- giant coke's from mcdonald's.
- coffee
- my house decorated for christmastime.
- the anticipation of the arrival of our elf Holly Day.
- trying to think of meaningful presents for people.
- watching my children make gifts for people and put so much thought into each person as they make their gifts. they truly aren't much but i am blown away by how much thought, effort, and time they put into each gift.
- jade. i am proud of the girl she is becoming and praying that she will stay strong in this really hard world.
- having three different homes in which to celebrate thanksgiving. it is always a whirlwind time for us but i am so grateful to have so much family surrounding us and wanting us to be a part of their celebration.
- having merriwether come over to our house to spend the night...harper loves her so and i think the boys think she's pretty cool too...and of course i love her too.
- oliver jack flashing the camera when jacob took his picture. i actually have a love/hate relationship with this because i was completely mortified but also completely amazed that he would think of something so crazy. he truly lives to make people laugh. our problem is that we laugh a little too often at the wrong things.
- having coffee with lori. we don't do it often but i always relish the time i have to spend with another aspie mama :)
- my husband's sweet spirit. he loves us so much and wants to just spend time with us. he doesn't want to simply fill time with activities and events to pass the days away until his next work day but he wants to just relish the moments he has. i love that about him.
Friday, November 30, 2012
friday's musings...
things i am loving about this week:
Holidays and Asperger's
one of the groups for mother's with children with asd posted this letter a little while ago and i have thought about it several times since i first read it. i have mostly thought about it because i have anticipated with nervousness all of the activities that the holidays bring and the behavior that often comes as a sidekick for my oldest son. i have conflicting emotions about my expectations for calvary's behavior because part of me understands why things are difficult and the other part of me just wants him to behave...you know...to say please and thank you, to not growl and throw himself on the floor at the mere sight of his plate, or mostly just display "common courtesy" to those around. but sometimes "common courtesy" is far from calvary's concept of common and far from what he is able to access in moments that are created by the excitement and newness of the holidays.
this letter so perfectly puts into words the experience for calvary that i just thought i would share it here. so much of calvary's success has been rooted in his work at understanding the world around him AND the people around him working to understand him.
this letter is written and i am including it here with permission by Viki Gayhardt in the perspective of someone with asd. her website
Dear Family and Friends:
I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, a hidden disability called autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), challenges me. Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopment disorder, which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can’t see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of the roughest holidays for me. With large crowds and holiday shopping, it can be very overwhelming, even a bit scary. When planning a party, remember that with my oversensitive hearing and eye sight, Christmas trees and holiday smells can cause me mild to severe pain or discomfort. If the noises are impossible to control, a personal stereo with headphones set to a safe level for children may help drown out background noise and ease my discomfort.
Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry, others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or they may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.
Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by. But if something - anything - changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.
When you try to talk to me, I often can’t understand what you say because there are a lot of distractions. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you — I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and unsure of what is the most important thing to respond to.
Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it’s very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.
If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaving or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people — I just have to get up and move about. Please don’t hold up your meal for me — go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.
Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it’s no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky — I literally cannot eat certain foods since my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination is impaired.
Don’t be disappointed if Mom hasn’t dressed me in starch and bows. It’s because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable.
When I go to someone else’s house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn’t mean you have to change the way you are doing things — just please be patient with me and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside.
People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown-ups call it “self-regulation,” or “stimming.’ I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this “perseverating” which is similar to self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.
Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me “stim” for a while, as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety and to protect your home and possessions. It hurts my parents’ feelings to be criticized for being over-protective or condemned for not watching me closely enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support.
During the holidays, the average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it’s very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don’t possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person — an interesting person. I will find my place at this celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you’ll try to view the world through my eyes!
written by Viki Gayhardt — singer, songwriter, and parent of two children with autism
this letter so perfectly puts into words the experience for calvary that i just thought i would share it here. so much of calvary's success has been rooted in his work at understanding the world around him AND the people around him working to understand him.
this letter is written and i am including it here with permission by Viki Gayhardt in the perspective of someone with asd. her website
Dear Family and Friends:
I understand that we will be visiting each other for the holidays this year! Sometimes these visits can be very hard for me, but here is some information that might help our visit to be more successful. As you probably know, a hidden disability called autism, or what some people refer to as a Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), challenges me. Autism/PDD is a neurodevelopment disorder, which makes it hard for me to understand the environment around me. I have barriers in my brain that you can’t see, but which make it difficult for me to adapt to my surroundings.
Thanksgiving and Christmas are two of the roughest holidays for me. With large crowds and holiday shopping, it can be very overwhelming, even a bit scary. When planning a party, remember that with my oversensitive hearing and eye sight, Christmas trees and holiday smells can cause me mild to severe pain or discomfort. If the noises are impossible to control, a personal stereo with headphones set to a safe level for children may help drown out background noise and ease my discomfort.
Sometimes I may seem rude and abrupt, but it is only because I have to try so hard to understand people and at the same time, make myself understood. People with autism have different abilities: some may not speak, some write beautiful poetry, others are whizzes in math (Albert Einstein was thought to be autistic), or they may have difficulty making friends. We are all different and need various degrees of support.
Sometimes when I am touched unexpectedly, it might feel painful and make me want to run away. I get easily frustrated, too. Being with lots of other people is like standing next to a moving freight train and trying to decide how and when to jump aboard. I feel frightened and confused a lot of the time. This is why I need to have things the same as much as possible. Once I learn how things happen, I can get by. But if something - anything - changes, then I have to relearn the situation all over again! It is very hard.
When you try to talk to me, I often can’t understand what you say because there are a lot of distractions. I have to concentrate very hard to hear and understand one thing at a time. You might think I am ignoring you — I am not. Rather, I am hearing everything and unsure of what is the most important thing to respond to.
Holidays are exceptionally hard because there are so many different people, places, and things going on that are out of my ordinary realm. This may be fun and adventurous for most people, but for me, it’s very hard work and can be extremely stressful. I often have to get away from all the commotion to calm down. It would be great if you had a private place set up to where I could retreat.
If I cannot sit at the meal table, do not think I am misbehaving or that my parents have no control over me. Sitting in one place for even five minutes is often impossible for me. I feel so antsy and overwhelmed by all the smells, sounds, and people — I just have to get up and move about. Please don’t hold up your meal for me — go on without me, and my parents will handle the situation the best way they know how.
Eating in general is hard for me. If you understand that autism is a sensory processing disorder, it’s no wonder eating is a problem! Think of all the senses involved with eating AND all the complicated mechanics that are involved. Chewing and swallowing is something that a lot of people with autism have trouble with. I am not being picky — I literally cannot eat certain foods since my sensory system and/or oral motor coordination is impaired.
Don’t be disappointed if Mom hasn’t dressed me in starch and bows. It’s because she knows how much stiff and frilly clothes can drive me buggy! I have to feel comfortable in my clothes or I will just be miserable.
When I go to someone else’s house, I may appear bossy and controlling. In a sense, I am being controlling, because that is how I try to fit into the world around me (which is so hard to figure out!) Things have to be done in a way I am familiar with or else I might get confused and frustrated. It doesn’t mean you have to change the way you are doing things — just please be patient with me and understanding of how I have to cope. Mom and Dad have no control over how my autism makes me feel inside.
People with autism often have little things that they do to help themselves feel more comfortable. The grown-ups call it “self-regulation,” or “stimming.’ I might rock, hum, flick my fingers, or any number of different things. I am not trying to be disruptive or weird. I am doing what I have to do for my brain to adapt to your world. Sometimes I cannot stop myself from talking, singing, or doing an activity I enjoy. The grown-ups call this “perseverating” which is similar to self-regulation or stimming. I do this only because I have found something to occupy myself that makes me feel comfortable. Perseverative behaviors are good to a certain degree because they help me calm down.
Please be respectful to my Mom and Dad if they let me “stim” for a while, as they know me best and what helps to calm me. Remember that my Mom and Dad have to watch me much more closely than the average child. This is for my own safety and to protect your home and possessions. It hurts my parents’ feelings to be criticized for being over-protective or condemned for not watching me closely enough. They are human and have been given an assignment intended for saints. My parents are good people and need your support.
During the holidays, the average household is turned into a busy, frantic, festive place. Remember that this may be fun for you, but it’s very hard work for me to conform. If I fall apart or act out in a way that you consider socially inappropriate, please remember that I don’t possess the neurological system that is required to follow some social rules. I am a unique person — an interesting person. I will find my place at this celebration that is comfortable for us all, as long as you’ll try to view the world through my eyes!
written by Viki Gayhardt — singer, songwriter, and parent of two children with autism
Thursday, November 15, 2012
fridays musings...
here are the things i am loving about this week...
- when the kids come to my room in the morning they hand me my glasses and slippers. it is like having a really well trained dog. :)
- calvary has just discovered his love of recreational reading...be still my heart.
- wednesday. it is the only day throughout the week that we do not have something going on during the evening.
- fort building.
- calvary and harper sleeping in the fort together. many things make my heart swoon with this one...calvary broke the OCD tendency to need to sleep in his own bed despite whatever fun may be available. and on top of that he invited harper AND oliver jack to join him. oliver jack just couldn't make it :)
- homeschooling. i love basically every aspect of it. we are in the honeymoon phase i believe but right now the kids are growing closer, we are staying busy, and overall life is positive and happy.
- teaching bible to my kids.
- hearing my children pray.
- my kids doing chores in the morning.
- watching finley and oliver jack make up their beds. so funny. they stand on their beds and pull the covers up to the pillow as hard as they can. it reminds me that they are still so small.
- oliver jack and calvary being "best buds". i never thought they would be able to play together like they are now. such a wonderful place to be.
- kyle missing us while he is at work. i am so loving that i married a man that wants to be home with his family.
- my new christmas plates and cups.
- oliver jack loving vegetable soup and telling me that i "make the best hobo soup"....thanks?
- instagram...i love taking pictures, being inspired by other pictures, and mostly the overall positive vibe that the people i see radiate...i know that there are negative corners, but it is so much less whiney then other social networks.
- hearing finley identify shapes. all of sudden this week she started identifying hearts, ovals, hexagons, triangles, and circles....she is harper's greatest student ;)
- my friend's children...we became friends because our children were in kindergarten together and the added bonus is that our children have become fast friends.
- peppermint sticks covered in chocolate...yum.
- having tea parties with my children and using the tea set that was my granny's. every time i bring the pieces out my mind floods with images of thanksgivings and christmases past. it makes me miss her but in a happy, warm way. i know it makes my children remember her as well...maybe one day they will be using these tea cups with their children and retelling the stories i've told.
- being reminded why i blog. i am loving that i remembered that my goal for this blog was to preserve the moments of our life for us. the everyday....the beautiful...and the not so beautiful. i want my children to remember just how sweet life has been...
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