sick little girl

i am due in 3 days and harper has pneumonia. the poor little girl could not walk to our room last night without gasping for breath. after her skin turned blueish-green i decided to use the nebulizer without hearing from the doctor first...turns out that was a good decision. today at the doctor's office, after i had noted her great improvement, the nurses gasped in amazement that her oxygen saturation levels were only 84. apparently that is really not good. i was shocked because i wondered what those levels would have looked like the night before...scary. dr. walker took a very aggressive approach to treating harper because she wanted to get her cleared up before the baby comes. she also wanted to avoid the hospital. so poor little harper had to get two shots in her legs after receiving another breathing treatment in the office. however, as scared as she was about the shots and as much as she did not want the shots, she reminded me again of how grown up she is...sadly, she is no longer my little baby girl....but, she still needs her mother to hold her hands as she gets a shot. she didn't need to be layed down and held; she told the nurse that she preferred to be sitting up. she just wanted me to hold her hands. thankfully, the shots seem to be quite effective. harper is breathing much easier now and i am actually trying to keep her from running all around the house---a vast improvement from just 24 hours earlier where she could hardly stand. so after breathing treatments with a nebulizer, vapor rub, a warm bath, a humidifier, tylenol (for the fever), and waking the poor girl every hour for a drink, we have made huge strides in getting her feeling better... now, if only we could just have this baby.

ultrasound commentary from a 2 and 4 year old....

After our ultrasound appointment today I showed the pictures to Harper and Calvary. Their responses were classic...
Calvary said that every picture looked like a "pond", but my favorite response was Harper's reaction to one of the pictures....She held up one photo and said, "what is this?" to which I responded, "That is his bottom." She laughed and looked at it again and said, "it looks like a sink turner offer."

i laughed because it really did look like a faucet...

my children...

i realize that pregnancy brings about many wonderful and complex emotions. i am a very open person; i do not mind sharing details about my life but i have realized that my sharing must be on my own terms. i do not do well with questions. i used to get so frustrated with my dad when i was a teenager and i remember him saying, "i am only asking a question." in my mind, i believe that if i want someone to know something then i will share that information.

i've heard the saying that when a person chooses to be a mother they are choosing to let their heart walk around outside of their body and i interpret that to mean that a mother opens herself up to unparalleled vulnerability. i have to share what i love most in the world with so many other people. i have to listen as other people gloat at how my children, whom i love more than any other person could, cry when it is time to come home because they were having so much fun. i am supposed to grin and nod and cater to their need to feel loved by my kids while ignoring the hurt of sharing my heart with the rest of the world...so while i am so thankful that my children have so many people that love and adore them, i also recognize that i am watching my heart run around outside of my body...

i guess that is why during pregnancy i am a little more (okay a lot more) guarded with information than i usually am. this is the only time that i get with this little one with only me and i selfishly want to enjoy each of those moments with private appreciation. i have not given all details about every appointment or offered up information about every movement or hiccup because this is the only time i have where i will truly have intimate time with this little one that no one else could share. selfishly i want to preserve that time.

it has taken me a while to understand why i am more guarded or peeved by questions concerning pregnancy more so than questions about other life situations, but i finally came to this realization today. being a mother is complicated and the emotions associated with motherhood are more complicated than i ever would have suspected...

harper and calvary's band...

so we have decided to look in other venues for harper and calvary's talents because the door for singer/songwriter has officially been closed. who knows though, this may be the early videos on a true hollywood story one day. until then we can enjoy their showmanship and creativity.

election day humor part II....

wednesday i informed harper that barack obama became our 44th president. our conversation, verbatim, follows:

Me: Harper, Obama won the election.
Harper: What?!?! (with anger and dismay) George Washington was the best president we ever had!!!
Me: Well, maybe Obama will do a good job too.
Harper: Obama is no good.
Me: We do not know that...we will pray that God will guide him and he will make good choices, right?
Harper: No!

what can i say? the girl loves george washington.

election day humor...

kyle and i were having a conversation about the upcoming election while driving to dinner one night. evidentally, harper has overheard conversations concerning different candidates and offered her opinions on the matter:

Harper: "brookie (8 year old litttle girl at school) is voting for obama and i am voting for george washington."


this is probably the soundest choice of all...vote on, little one,vote on.

shameless...

so, inspite of the fact that unsolicited advertisement can become overwhelmingly obnoxious, i have decided that i could not possibly not share this information...

i have posted several times about my friend lori jackson's photography and her craft is evident in many different places throughout this blog as well. she is a fantastic artist; she has the ability to capture the essence of a person without seeming contrived. all of this to say that she has recently posted on her photography blog that she is offering a special for the month of october to anyone that schedules a session with her in the month of october...even if you do not schedule your appointment for october you still get the deal as long as you make plans now!

mailto:lsjackson@gmail.com to book your session today!
October Portrait Special - $100

(picture by lori jackson)

the beauty of pregnancy?

so, many people talk of the beauty of pregnancy and i have seen my share of beautiful pregnant people but what i feel like people are forgetting about are the ways that pregnancy has for humbling a woman to doing some of the most degrading things imaginable...i was thinking just the other day of the many ways i have compromised my "beauty" in order to house this little one and i just laughed in spite of myself...

1. i have, on more than one occasion, realized that i have forgotten to brush my hair as i pull my car into the parking lot of the school...

2. on one such occasion i was reduced to using a tiny barbie brush found crammed between crusty backseat of my car to straighten my coif....

3. i have had to ask my husband to buckle my shoes...

4. i have worked an entire day without having my shoes buckled because i just couldn't bring myself to bend over and buckle them myself...

5. i have worn pants to bed and thought to myself, "these pants are so comfortable i wish i could wear them to work" and then i wore them to work...

6. i have worked entire days without having my pants buttoned....or zipped.

7. i drop things and just stare as they float or drop to the ground below...

8. i have really, really mean thoughts about the large amounts of people that think that it is okay to make reference to my ever expanding body...

9. i stay in the bed or on the couch until kyle walks by and i can beg him to help pull me up...

10. i sleep and eat more often than any baby, or NFL football player for that matter, should ever think to sleep or eat...

never before would i allow most of the things on this list to happen...well maybe number 8 happens more often than it should...but still, all of this and people still call pregnancy "beautiful"???

Susannah...

yesterday i mentioned a blog that i have been following regularly. this family has an insane amount of strain on them right now and as i write, little susannah is undergoing heart surgery. please pray for her mom and dad, leslie and charlie, to have peace and restored strength as they endure the wait and sleepless nights associated with all of this. they are also asking for prayer specifically to heal susannah's heart completely in this one operation and that the doctors will perform this surgery with adroit hands. please join me in prayer for this family...

monday mornings....

most mornings these past few weeks have been difficult for me. i find myself more and more emotional as i wake up and get my children ready for another day of what i can only describe as torture. adding to the emotional toll of the day is the battle of wills i wage with my four year old daughter. i want so much for our mornings to be sweet and some mornings are. other mornings i find myself counting to ten and praying that God will keep me from saying anything that would be hurtful. as we sit parked outside of mrs. cindy's house praying, i become emotional...everyday.
the sweetest time of my day is checking in on both of my children before i go to sleep. their faces are so peaceful and i know that they are content. i sit down beside them and i pray for their hearts and that they will know God and know how much they are loved and i pray that God will help me to be the mother they need--i love this time.
i think that most of the emotions i am feeling now is the lack of control that i have. i am not a particularly organized person and i do not feel especially controlling; but when anything contradicts my will i see quite quickly how partial to control i truly am. i am beyond thrilled to add this baby to our family but at the same time i know that he threatens the balance of our lives. i begin to question, "is harper acting out because she feels like she is not getting enough attention?" "is calvary refusing to potty train because he is against giving up his role as the baby?" "do they know how much they are loved?" these thoughts and much more run through my head all day building up to the continuous thought that i am not doing a good enough job being a mother to my children. and this is why my mornings are so emotional...
so when i get here (at school that is) i am thinking on all of these things and i remember that i am not God. i am not expected to do all of this on my own. i cannot expect myself to be everything that my children need and when i do that i am actually trying to separate them from the love of God and as my children both have repeated throughout the day all weekend "nothing can separate us from the love of God." no wonder i feel frustrated; i am fighting a futile war! i do pray that God continues to cultivate me into the mother that i truly long to be, but now i am also praying that God shows me the areas where i need to let go of the control and let my children grow...


on a side note: please be visit this blog roomforatleastonemore.blogspot.com and pray for this family. my mind and heart cannot comprehend the emotions and stress they are carrying...

conversations with calvary...

Me (as Kyle puts on deodorant): Calvary, would you like to put on some of Daddy's deodorant?

Calvary (looking at me as if I were crazy): No!

(enticingly) you'll smell like a boy!

i don't want to smell like a boy..

What do you want to smell like then?!

(without any thought) pie.

crying...

as a mother i would have to say that the cry of one of my children is by far the most distressing sound i hear on a daily basis. distressing at times because it evokes emotions of anxiety---it breaks my heart if they are hurt or sad or scared...distressing at other times because it evokes emotions of intense annoyance---it drives me crazy to listen to the bickering and whining and grating sounds of feigned sadness, pain, or fear. so it is strange to me that the recent news of crying has brought a smile to my face. a true paradox, for sure. as i traverse into my seventh month of pregnancy i learned just yesterday that not only is my baby over 2 lbs in weight and probably around 15 inches long, but he is also capable of crying! how insane is that?? the knowledge of this cry does not evoke emotions of anxiety or annoyance but amazment and admiration. this life inside of me, at 7 months, is capable of emotions that are truly so alive! i may be exhausted; i may be tired (already) of my ever expanding body; but it is at moments like these that the joy of pregnancy outweighs any of the pains...

I.....

am....
..........too....
.......................tired.......
....to...
................blog......

pictures from our august beach trip...

Harper's birthday tea party...

Thank you to everyone who helped to make Harper's tea party so wonderful! She had a great time and I have finally gotten around to include some pictures of the festivities...

(harper writing "thank you" notes at her new desk...hopefully you already received yours!)

Cassie-isms

We have Harper-isms and Calvary-isms so I saw it fit to add a Cassie-ism to the mix. Cassie and I had a short and confusing conversation Tuesday night when I attempted to wake her up help her to bed. Apparently she was talking in her sleep but I was never convinced. The best statement I could make out was, "If you can't tell me what turtles eat then I don't know what we are going to do!!!!!". Perplexed by this statement, and fueled by my genetic tendency to encourage crazy people to keep talking, I managed to tick sleeping beauty off until I heard a stearn "I am not talking about this right now because I don't like your tone". I was almost ready to check her blood sugar when she continued to run her mouth at me even after she was upright and moving around. It is funny how quickly sleeptalking can turn into sleepfighting when you ask enough questions. I guess I learned my lesson and next time I will promptly do some research and find out what turtles eat.

when mommy is away...

so i went to the beach for a couple of days and harper was a little upset that i was leaving. when i tried to console her i made a grave mistake....i simply told her that she was going to be "the lady of the house." all harper heard was that she was in charge. the interview starts sweet...but the obvious transition is priceless evidence of the tyrant i unwittingly created...

fun pictures...

some perks of being friends with a photographer is that sometimes when you hang out with that particular friend you end up with some really awesome pictures...these were just unstaged moments that lori magically captures! thanks for sharing these with me lori...

anyone in the area with a need for some great pictures should really check out her website.

lorijacksonphotography.com

it's a boy!!!!

Our little boy with his fingers interlocked--the nurse said it looks like he is praying...

This is the only time that his hands were not together...

This one is not in 3-D, but his little hands are still together...

hands together once again....sweet boy.

Kyle said that all we need out of this series is one of baby covering his ears: here we have him covering his mouth...

and here he is covering his eyes...

all of this in a birthday????

we are approaching harper's 4th birthday and her birthdays are always a time where i think, like any mother, back to the day of her birth. seeing how this is normally a very nostalgic time for me it seems strange that i have also gotten back in touch with some friends from college that i have not spoken with since i graduated from college...four years ago. most are surprised to hear how i am doing and most have questions lingering in every statement made. when i think back to my pregnancy, delivery, and first year of harper's life i suppose i would be shocked to learn what i now know as well.

i've learned that while we all find God's ways mysterious or at least perplexing that He most certainly is the most consistent being ever to exist. every sentence within scripture is perfectly placed...every life is perfectly written...every civilization serves its perfect purpose. at the time and instance that scripture, life, or civilization may seem to be desperatley far from God's mercy and even more equivocally separated from redemption but in God's perfect consistency He shows himself just and forgiving...

we began a study on exodus marking the birth and life of moses. something that stephen summers said really impacted my heart as a true connection to the human (or at least my own) nature. he said that the situation for the Israelites in Egypt had to become increasingly awful because they came from such desolation and famine that even though they were in bondage they saw themselves as thriving. even when their situation became so awful that they finally did leave, they still thought about returning the their previous awful situation...the israelites had been promised a promised land and yet they were content to stay in Egypt. God, who is faithful, was going to fulfill his promise.

no human is ever perfect in any story. every character in the bible had their flaws. every person we meet is never truly hero or victim, just somewhere in between. i not only had to be able to offer forgiveness but be forgiven as well. God's forgiveness is swift; it is human forgiveness that takes longer. my life is definitely far from conventional, and even more so harper's life is far from conventional. but harper is blessed, and someday she will know it, to have so many people who have put aside their own moments of victimization or heroism to simply love her and through that love find a way to love each other.

her birthday will forever symbolize to me a new beginning. not only is it the day that i became a mother, but it is also the day that i began to wrestle with God and eventually find God through offering forgiveness, receiving forgiveness, and seeing redemption through the life of a child. there is not a day that i wake up that i do not realize how blessed we all are, and i pray that harper's life continues to mirror the consistent mystery of God's character.

all of this reminds me of a selection from St. Augustine's Confessions that also happens to be one of my most favorite selections from all literature. to me it captures the wonder and beauty of God's seemingly paradoxical nature:

"What art Thou then, my God? what, but the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? or who is God save our God? Most highest, most good, most potent, most omnipotent; most merciful, yet most just; most hidden, yet most present; most beautiful, yet most strong, stable, yet incomprehensible; unchangeable, yet all-changing; never new, never old; all-renewing, and bringing age upon the proud, and they know it not; ever working, ever at rest; still gathering, yet nothing lacking; supporting, filling, and overspreading; creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking, yet having all things. Thou lovest, without passion; art jealous, without anxiety; repentest, yet grievest not; art angry, yet serene; changest Thy works, Thy purpose unchanged; receivest again what Thou findest, yet didst never lose; never in need, yet rejoicing in gains; never covetous, yet exacting usury. Thou receivest over and above, that Thou mayest owe; and who hath aught that is not Thine? Thou payest debts, owing nothing; remittest debts, losing nothing. And what had I now said, my God, my life, my holy sweetness? or what saith any man when he speaks of Thee? Yet woe to him that speaketh not, since those that speaketh most say nothing at all. "

teaching kids to be considerate...

...sometimes backfires.


wednesday was kyle's birthday and i took harper and calvary with me to go shopping because they go with me everywhere :) as i was trying to find something for him, harper kept asking for things for herself. "can i get a new barbie?" "i want some more markers." "i want..." "can i...?" all of the questions and statements carried on and on every couple of minutes until i finally told her that we were there shopping for something for kyle's birthday. i tried to stress the importance of thinking about other people before ourselves and she quieted down for a little while.


the next day i had to go and finish getting a few last minute items that were at the mall. as we went from store to store, i stopped in a store to shop for something for myself. as i picked up an item harper looked at me with disgust and said, "we are NOT supposed to be thinking of ourselves right now!" she continued to tell me that the day was about kyle and not about me and that we should remember to think of others. she was right. sigh.


i left empty handed; but i am secretly proud :)

this is basically the quizzical expression i received while my hands were full merchandise; the teacher became the student...

a guy's guy...

Daddy and Calvary---spiderman and batman; it doesn't get more masculine than that.

in the past few months calvary has really started attaching himself to the males in our lives. this has been a bit of a shock for me because i am used to my children wanting me! i mean come on, i am the one that did all of the carrying, bearing, feeding and all i want in return is to be the favorite. i don't think that is too much to ask. i say that jokingly because it has truly been so much fun to watch how calvary really looks up to and imitates the males in his family. obviously it is heart warming to watch calvary imitate and follow kyle around. every morning i go to his room and he says, "i want daddy!" and most of the time i have to tell him that daddy has already left for work, to which he responds, "he will be back soon." if he gets hurt and he has the option between myself or kyle he always cries for daddy. i have been reduced to the parent that he wants only as a form of manipulation of emotion. ie: kyle fusses at calvary; calvary wants mommy. i thought that if this would ever happen i would be sad, but it has truly brought to joy to my life. i want for calvary to grow up and be an awesome man of God, so who better to imitate at this stage in his life than his daddy. kyle is such an amazing example of what a man should be; he is loving to both his children and his wife, he is a provider, he is a protector, and he loves God and strives to follow Him in all that he does. if calvary could grow up to be exactly like his father my heart would burst with joy because i would know that he is a man of integrity...

calvary has also relished the time he spends with my brother, Nicholas. who has also grown into a great spiritual example of obedience and discipline...he is also fun. of course calvary loves his poppa and granddaddy; both of these men continue to teach calvary (and the rest of us) how to be pillars of strength and love in their families. the man that harper and calvary have lovingly called poppy is another man that calvary just adores. rhett has loved both harper and calvary with a love with which i only imagined a family could have, and perhaps that is why rhett and julie seem more like family than good friends. some mornings he wakes up and says, "i want go to poppy's house." too bad all of these people have jobs! i love to hear the excitment in his voice when he hears he has the chance to hang out with any of these men. i know that he needs his mother, but there are some lessons in life that only a man could provide their son. i am so pleased that my son has so many awesome examples to follow and watch...so even though he may refuse to hold my hand, at least he is reaching out to the hands of these awesome examples! Poppa with Harper's birthday tutu on his head---Poppa is usually chasing, pushing, tickling, pulling wagons, or doing numerous other crazy antics that make it difficult to catch him in a photograph!

Calvary and Uncle Nick---good looks run in the family--so do tattoos and crazy hair.Calvary blowing bubbles with granddaddy...

eew and geww not ooooo and ahhhh....

sometimes i get so caught up in the ooey gooey part of parenting that i am totally sideswiped by the grimy part. don't get me wrong. i love being a mom. i think i have been living for this part of my life my whole life. and the funny thing is that i never really put much thought into having my own kids one day or being married and all of that nonsense and now at age 26 i am a married mother of (almost) 3. crazy.
i never like to admit that being pregnant effects my mood. however, after the past 3 weeks pregnancy mixed with exhaustion is the only plausible explanation for the overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed.
we have been helping my little brother with a soccer clinic that he has organized through his church in mooresville, nc. so after a week of vacation we dove straight into driving to mooresville three times a week (45min-1hr drive) to coach soccer and teach godly principles to 8-10 year old kids. it really has been fun, but i am 4.5 months pregnant and running around in cleats playing soccer! the kids have really had it too...usually they are in bed by 8:00pm but for the past three weeks it is sometimes more like 9:30 or 10:00. so our little family is in dire need of a return to pre-vacation normalcy.
monday morning i threw my hands up and thought to myself "i am the most ineffective mother in the world! my children are going to grow up to be wild, disrespectful maniacs and i am the one to blame!" i was at what people describe as their wits end (whatever that means, but i was there).
i took harper and calvary to the library to sign up for summer reading and we were having a great time until....
harper said she wanted to look at some books and i told her sure, after we clean up the crayons and puzzles. she proceeded to ignore me and headed straight for the books. i calmly reminded her and she calmly headed straight toward the books. this continued until she eventually just as calmly grabbed a book from the shelf. not knowing what else to do i simply picked her up and said that we were leaving. and we left.
that man is famous for saying "don't sweat the small stuff" but i personally think that he is an idiot. with a child it is all small stuff. they are small. harper, by all accounts, didn't committ any grave sin. she had a fantastic attitude...a fantastic attitude about completely and willfully rebelling against what i had said should be done as a prerequiste to what she wanted to do.
spilling blueberries is small stuff.
spilling blueberries because you are being defiant is another deal.
however all of this sweating can lead to fatigue and dehydration. i truly felt like i was failing. i came home and picked up a book off of my bookshelf that i have had for ages and ironically should have read it before monday because the title is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. the irony is that i felt like i had already lost mind. after praying for patience and guidance i sat down and read...
the wonderful thing about reading instruction pulled directly from scripture is that we all know what it is going to say. but like everything concerning God, sometimes we need to hear it all again just to be comforted by the message...don't give up the good fight. it may sound weird to compare raising children to a battle but once that age of defiance sets in even the most precious darlings are rooted in fallen humanity. and those cherub faced fallen ones are only part of the battle. the other part rests in the much older--stretched out faces of their fallen parents. sometimes we want to scream and shout. sometimes we want to spank. sometimes we want to crawl in a hole and just retreat. enroll them in dance, soccer, sunday school, preschool...anything to find a way out of doing what God has instructed us to do for our children...raise them without causing resentment and wrath through loving discipline.
after harper poured green rainwater sand on calvary's head i had had enough. i told harper in anger (and retreat) that they were bathing and then she was going to her room. i put calvary in the bath and harper in the shower and sat down and read ephesians 6 and i felt so convicted. even though i did not scream and shout i was letting my fatigue keep me from showing harper loving discipline. i got her out of the shower and read this passage to her. i explained both parts: the instruction for the children as well as the parents. i told her we both had work to do and then we prayed. her prayer went like this, "dear God thank you for the day and help me to listen better and give mommy patience, amen." it was sweet. and let me know she listened.
of course not all is oooo and ahhhh sometimes we have eeeeww and gewww moments and i think those moments are the moments that although they are painful and difficult teach me to prepare my children to be adults that can live in the face of their own battles...choosing good over evil.

i recommend both books to any parent, some may feel they will never need it. i sure didn't. others may be past the point of children...but sometimes it feels good to read something that says you aren't totally screwing up. i said both books because the other is the Bible...excellent read...two thumbs up.

a murray family vacation...

traveling with a two year old and a three year old is always interesting. this year kyle and i decided that we would take a nostalgic vacation to myrtle beach. both of our families traveled to myrtle beach frequently. my family went there every summer until i was in high school. we thought it would be fun to recreate some of those memories with harper and calvary. kyle and i both had awesome childhoods and those summer vacations are fond memories for us---and we only want the best for harper and calvary!

we stayed in a resort that had a room with a king sized bed, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room area. after traveling all day we spend about 3 hours on the beach (no nap for the kiddies) and then went to eat and explore. after all of exploring and eating and playing we felt sure that the kids would pass out from the excitment...we put on a movie at 8 and by 10 0'clock they were still going strong--laughing and giggling because they were having a "sleepover".

day 2 was recovery day--calvary was not happy anywhere and harper was having a tough time too---everyone enjoyed a nap this day---we also played putt-putt!

day 3 was the best day of all... everyone was rested and ready to have fun. we played on the beach all day and when naptime came for calvary, harper and i stayed on the beach for a couple more hours of sandcastles and ocean time. later that night we went to broadway at the beach and the kids rode the rides from the pavilion that kyle and i rode as little ones! they were completely fearless. and that night they were both so exhausted that they fell asleep before their movie went off.

day 4 and 5 went basically the same. the whole time harper was incredibly sweet and both harper and calvary just seemed completely satisfied. they rarely asked for more than they had and if they did ask they were content with whatever answer they were given! calvary had his moments as a 2 year old little boy. sometimes it was all too much for him and he would get frustrated and nothing could satisfy him but being held (despite his best efforts to convince us otherwise he is still a baby and it is times like this that we are reminded that he needs to be treated as a baby and not as a preschooler). i had to remind myself a few times that the vacation was not ruined by a few meltdowns. i had to work hard to pull myself together and not let my attitude or stress ruin all the fun for everyone. tantrums only last a few minutes and most of the time they are nothing that a good quality nap can't cure.

this is the face of a little boy in need of a nap (also my foot in this picture is the only evidence that i was actually on this vacation):

Calvary's superman board...the only way he would go near the ocean (harper had a princess one of course):

pretty girl on the beach...

Harper jumping over waves...she would do this forever:

calvary having fun on the beach:

knitting...

okay, at the risk of sounding like i've completely lost any attachment with who i once was and who i am now becoming, i've decided to post something that has completely taken on a new meaning for me. i have recently taken up the art of knitting. i have always had an interest in sewing, crocheting, and other areas in that vein but i never had anyone that could show me how to do it. i taught myself how to crochet when i was in middle school and i bought my first sewing machine in college. my friend mariel and i tried our hand at making our own clothes but i never could figure out the patterns and had more luck just sewing without a pattern...i distinctly remember one pair of pajama pants i made that turned out horribly wrong...in spite of all of this i decided that i would pick up knitting. how sweet, i thought, to knit my precious little one a baby blanket.

so after 4 nights and 3 days of knitting i have 20 inches by 20 stitches. i learned relatively quickly but my mother in law warned me that the process was slow; and boy is it slow. as i sat there one night i looked at kyle and told him that all of this gave me a new perspective on the verse psalm 139:13 "you alone created my inner being. you knitted me together inside my mother." knitting is meticulous work. when i think about how much attention to detail i must have when casting on stitches and all of the other little steps i think about how perfect the verb "knitting" is to describe the process in which God creates us. God does not haphazardly spur on life; he spends time on each and every single cell that goes into each and every single person. that is amazing to me. God has personal interest in each of us before we are born because he took up the painstakingly slow process of knitting in order to create us! he must love us to do all of that and what an amazing thing to remember.

a simple reminder of the wonderfully intimate God we serve...

Little Jokesters

In regards to a previous post, we have recorded Harper and Calvary delivering their jokes. To ensure clarity read the post first, then watch Harper's and then Calvary's.

swimsuits, summer, pregnancy and cellulite!!!

ahhhhhh...what a wonderful thing 95+ weather is...well, it probably wouldn't be so wonderful if we weren't able to spend most of those days at a pool. the only draw back to the pool is having to get into a swimsuit. there was a time when i didn't care about putting on a suit and walking around without a care in the world. those times are gone. i can no longer sit peacefully by the pool reading or listining to music...now i have to bend and dip and swim on my knees all over the 6in to 2ft side of the pool. as if having to wear a bathing suit was not insult enough. on top of that i am now pregnant...and not quite the pregnant where people know that i am pregnant...just where i look like have gained quite a bit of weight and i am still trying to squash flesh into a bathing suit that used to fit but now reseambles sausage wrap. sigh. i keep trying to tell myself that all is not lost. i will be healthy and fit once more. being a mom does not mean that i have to neglect my health...in fact...i can send a healthy message to my children by making sure that i make good choices and exercise...i keep telling myself this...

baby update:

so far i've gained 6 pounds.
13 weeks along ( yay for almost done with the first trimester!)
i heard the little one's heartbeat and saw the little squiggly body on the ultrasound...
a strong heartbeat of 160+ beats per minute
little fact: tiny fingerprints have already formed on this little one's fingertips! how awesome!

harper and calvary are extremely excited. harper a little more so. calvary just keeps trying to look up my dress or down my shirt and see the baby. he has no interest in holding, feeding, or diapering a baby. the idea of a baby inside of mommy is neat, but outside of that, nothing. harper tries to take care of me and she reminds me that i shouldn't drink soda because the baby drinks what i drink and tells me that if i have a headache then the baby has a headache because that baby has what i have. she keeps trying to practice feeding calvary, diapering calvary, and holding calvary...but he fights her every step of the way.

all is madness and i love madness!

thanks!

i just wanted to spend a minute or two thanking everyone for their sweet comments, both on this blog and elsewhere, about the recent addition to our family! we wanted everyone to rejoice with us as we were celebrating what we see as a true blessing...but so often times people are blinded by age, financial situations, and other situations to celebrate and instead criticize. we thought that people may see us as irresponsible when we really are just two people that have so much love for harper and calvary that we couldn't imagine not sharing that love with more children. our lives are so much richer with their laughter and silliness (and even tears and grumpiness). i am far from the perfect mom; i question if i was too strict, too lenient, not spending enough quality attention, spending too much, feeding them the wrong food, letting them watch too many movies, the list could go on and on...but every night i pray that God will make me a better mother the next day and that my children will grow up strong in this world and steadfast in the ways of the Lord and being men and women of integrity...
i thought sleeping through the night and teething would be the hardest struggle with this early, formative years...
anyway, thanks for the continued support and sweet love for our family! we are learning and growing in love every day!

our family secret....

well for 8 weeks now kyle and i have been hiding something...

we are expecting our third precious little baby!!!

we are so excited (and yes, it is planned!)

this little one is due december 18th, so true to the murray form, we are already contemplating christmas names for this one...perhaps myrh murray or yule...we haven't settled on anything yet, but the possibilities are really endless...

please keep this precious little one in your prayers as our family continues to grow and change.

harper's joke...

"there were two muffins in an oven and the first muffin said,'whew! it is hot in here!' and the second muffin said, 'AHHHHHHH! A TALKING MUFFIN!'"

i know it is coming everytime but i laugh genuine hysterics each time i hear it.... so funny.

Calvary's "big boy room"

bubbles...

this is my absolute favorite progression of pictures we have ever taken. there are several more but i couldn't upload anymore. these were taken at cousin emmi's birthday party at kyle's granny's house. calvary thought it was the funniest thing ever to blow bubbles towards granny. in some places the pictures may make it appear as if calvary is not amused, but trust me, this only illustrates how completely consumed with glee he was!