blah to the drama...

i love having little girls.  i love dressing them up in sweet little clothes and braiding their sweet smelling hair.  i love their little shoes and the way they look in little tiny pea coats.  i love to watch as they naturally begin to mother everything from dolls to toy cars.  i love having someone with whom to share movies and books like a little princess.  there are so many parts that i would never change...
but...
if i could skip the drama...
oh, how sweet life would truly be. 
i'm not sure how asking someone to clean up the mess from under their bed leads to the following conversation but...i assure you...it does:

m: (said as sweetly as i could muster because this is an ongoing battle) you don't have to do it right now, but sometime tomorrow i would like you to clean out and organize your nightstand and the mess under your bed before it gets out of control.

h: i am the *only* one that has to clean up anything! why doesn't finley have to clean up anything?!

m:  really?  you didn't clean up anything when you were 1.  and if you look around, finley didn't make any of the mess in here. 

h:  it is just not fair that i have to clean this up!

m:  you act like your life is just so bad because i asked you to clean up your own mess!  do you really think your life is so bad (said sarcastically)?

h: sometimes i do.  when i am mad at you.  because things don't ever go my way.

m:  sigh. 

i know it is just a statement said in a moment of aggravation but it is a statement that cuts deeper than it should.  that harper...she knows how to get to me...and although most times she is sensitive and loving and wants nothing more than to be kind she has moments where she asserts her power and has this way of just knocking me back.  i try not to take it personal but we work so hard...
i think so much about everything and i have been guilty of maybe thinking a little too much and sometimes i take things a little too personal but i think that is because i am completely invested in this family.  fostering a wonderful life is what i pray about, strive for, and engage in and it is in those three words "sometimes i do" i am left feeling defeated.  blah. 
she apologized later and told me that she was wrong and i forgave her.  we talked about how our words are powerful and we have to be careful how we use them.  i also talked to her about how if her expectation for a good life was to have a life without responsibilities then she was not going to find it.  but those are the moments that hurt. 
so blah to girls and their drama...this is a no drama mama