Shine...

this past week i was given a fantastic opportunity to go to a conference at celebration church in jacksonville, fl.  kyle and his parents so very graciously worked together to pick up my duties with the kids and the kids, from what information i have been given, behaved beautifully.  they even missed me a little too.  

one of the biggest gifts i was given this week was the gift of assurance of purpose. i haven't really questioned God's calling of our family to costa rica because everything has been so dripping in "only God" moments that to doubt has not really been a possibility.  

yet, though i do not doubt the calling, it is nice to have that assurance.  it is kind of like when a bride is about to walk down the aisle and her maid of honor tells her that it is going to be okay.  or when a new mother looks nervously at her newborn and the nurse tells her that it is going to be okay.  or when a student, who has studied for a test, is assured by their teacher that they are going to do great.  in all of these situations the person doesn't doubt what they are doing...but that assurance calms the spirit.  

and that is what God did for me this week; He calmed my spirit.

in one of the very first sessions, kerri weems taught on the difference between having drive and being driven.  she explained that it is a misconception that the work of Christ is laborious...when God is working with you and through you, He is also carrying the yoke.  the work may not be easy, but it will not crush you.  throughout this process, kyle and i have been amazed at how not scary it all has been.  we certainly have our work cut out for us, and each step requires a little more work, but we have not been tired...we have not dreaded the steps...and we have done things that we have never dreamed we were capable.  and in all reality, we are not capable...but with God carrying the yoke, the work is getting done.  

the following day priscilla shrier spoke on the nature of God, specifically, his patience.  when i think about my inadequacy to be used by God to do anything meaningful i am humbled to the point of almost inaction.  i begin to doubt how He could possibly want me or entrust me with his precious children. but in 1 timothy 1:16, God is described as having "perfect patience"...His patience is proved in how he justifies me as a sinner, he sanctifies me in spite of my penchant for sin, and then, after all of that, He uses me.  the process is big and little...when i think of where i have been and what it has taken me to get to the point where God would entrust me as a missionary, i realize how patient He is...but then, his patience is proved again in the fact that this process is done over and over again daily.  my spirit was once again calmed by this because i was reassured that God does not expect me to suddenly have it all together...He is patient...and in His perfect patience He will make me ready.

message after message, God spoke to my spirit.  seeing the significance of my life as a weapon in God's arsenal made me see even more so the significance of every life as saving.  just staring at a sea of women, seeing each of their faces, and knowing, truly knowing, that each one of them is significant to God is beautiful.  in understanding this significance it becomes simple to understand how and why he would ask us to give up our house, our jobs, and everything we know here to move to costa rica and serve the orphans.  

on the last night of worship i looked around as the crowd of people sang out to God...it was truly one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen.  

women were singing with the fullness of their voices...

their arms were stretched out as far as they could reach reminding me of my children reaching out to me when they want me to pick them up and pour my love into them...

and it seemed as if not a single person realized that they were not alone in the room with their God.  

their faces reflected the joy of their hearts and the whole room was filled with an overwhelming atmosphere of love and peace.  

i thought to myself, this is what heaven will be like.  

and while i am sure that this picture does not do the sight that i experienced i know that it will serve as a reminder to me of the beauty of a life laid down.  

in this moment, all of the people in the building were completely surrendered to Christ...and it was beautiful.

and, perfect to His nature, the calming of my spirit was perfectly timed as we prepare for the next big step in the journey to costa rica...