asperger's and disney world...

i mentioned here that i had concerns about how calvary would handle disney.  my concerns were rooted in years of birthdays and holiday celebrations that have been incredibly stressful and i cautiously anticipated issues for this trip based on those experiences. 
a few weeks before we left i ran into a friend at the store whose daughter has some aspie tendencies.  she had been to disney a few months earlier and she swore that the "magic of disney" worked wonders for her daughter. 
leading up to the trip:
however, a few days before we left to go my concerns started to be validated...calvary started crying at night saying that he didn't want to go to disney world and that he would miss his bed.  it seemed that he could be excited while everyone else was excited, but whenever he would have a chance to think on his own he would only be able to focus on the disruption to the expected. 
the drive:
we made our way down with very little issue.  i made sure that calvary had his own space.  we moved finley's seat to the middle row and harper wanted to sit next to her.  we folded two seats down in the back and we gave calvary the other seat.  he loved having his own space and we had a flawless drive down. 
the hotel:
our only issue upon arrival was sleeping arrangements.  calvary is not too keen on sharing a bed and the thought of having to share a bed with harper or oliver jack was too much for him.  we handled that issue with relative ease by offering to let him use the pull out sofa in the living room.  the only problem throughout the week was calvary not having any "space" to call his own.  he usually can retreat to his room whenever he is overwhelmed but even though the resort's room was VERY spacious i failed to designate a place for him.  in hindsight i should have established a place for him from the very beginning but in spite of this we still had very little issues in the room. 
as the week progressed i noticed that calvary became more and more anxious about the parking lot and elevators.  at one point he told me, "the devil is my number 1 enemy but cars are my number 2".  i think that more stimulation that he started processing the more difficult it was for him to categorize the excitement into safe and unsafe.  he stayed close to me whenever we were outside of the room...usually holding my hand.  interestingly, i noticed that he seemed less concerned for everyone else's safety.  since we have been home i have noticed a return to the policing of finley and oliver jack in parking lots and stores, but while we were in disney he didn't really do this as much.  my analysis of this is that he was too concerned for his own safety to be worried about theirs.
the parks:
disney world is overstimulating for the most typical of people but for someone who is as much of a sensory avoider as calvary is it can be almost tortuous. 
i think the biggest issue calvary had with the parks is how unclear most of the rides are without experiencing them first.  so much is left to the imagination and calvary's imagination is riddled with catastrophic thinking...
he would want to ride but not want to ride...and then he would whimper cry almost the whole time until the very end...then he would like it and want to ride again.  the problem with that is the whole crowd issue...disney in june doesn't offer a whole lot of do-overs. 
after seeing the big hill of splash mountain calvary confidently declared that he would ride.  as we used our fast pass to breeze through the line i had to continue to reaffirm him that he would have fun.  i would have never noticed that he was actually taking processing any of the scenery.  1. we were moving too fast and 2. he was mostly hiding his face and whimper crying to the point that i figured he was just worrying more than anything else.  however, we returned to magic kingdom the next day and oliver jack was allowed to ride splash mountain.  as we went through the line calvary told him what he would see at each turn.  i was amazed that he had paid attention enough to notice brer frog's shadow but even more amazed that he remembered to tell oliver jack the next day!  that moment was eye opening to me because i was able to realize how much stimulation he was actually taking in at each turn.  there are so many details at disney and calvary notices every. single. one. 
i anticipated that he would not want to walk much and even though i swore that i would never push a giant child in a stroller i let this be a point of compromise for me.  we were pushing calvary so much and i knew that my only chance at avoiding a meltdown was take some of the physical demands off of him.  so he mostly rode in a stroller. 
at one point, as we were trying to make it back to a ride for our fast pass, calvary and i were walking to keep up with kyle, his mom, harper, and oliver jack.  i didn't let calvary know that i lost sight of kyle because i knew he would lose it.  but at this moment calvary looked up at me and said, "can you smell as good as i can momma?" to which i responded that no, i couldn't.  i told him that his strong sense of smell is one thing that makes him special.  he responded with, "like, i can smell daddy right now."  i was amazed and used this to my advantage and asked him to show me where kyle was...it blew my mind when he paused for a minute...looked over to the left...and said, "there! he's right there!"  this is exactly why i do not try and fool him with food or flavors...a nose like that cannot be fooled. 
kyle and i try to find a good balance between compromise and pushing and one moment where we pushed calvary outside of his comfort zone was such a huge moment of success for him.  harper wanted a frozen lemonade and we finally found a vendor.  of course calvary decided that he wanted one as well and kyle and i knew that we could not come back empty handed for the two left behind.  so harper was left to order two pink lemonades for herself and finley and we charged calvary with the task of ordering two lemonades for himself and oliver jack. initially he refused but we told him that if he wanted one he was going to have to ask for one and pay for it.  he asked us over and over again what he was supposed to say and when he was supposed to give the money.  harper told him that she would go first.  we stood behind them in line and i could hear calvary rehearsing his "lines" over and over again as he waited.  when it was his turn he recited his lines and handed the girl his money.  he turned around to me and said, "i did a horrible job..." i told him that he did a great job and nodded at the lady and said, "i bet that she thinks you did a great job." thankfully the lady caught my hint and told him that he did an awesome job.  he was proud of himself and i was proud of kyle and i for giving him the opportunity to practice. 

overall
i am much too forthcoming to pretend like calvary was under the spell of disney...there was not a day that went by that we were not bending to accommodate the special needs of our boy.  we did some things differently and other things were not done at all.  we pushed him to try new things and compromised what our "normal" standards are on others in order to allow the most peace.  but, while calvary was not magically transformed into a boy without any special needs, he was happy.  he laughed so much.  he tried new things.  he pushed pass his own discomfort.  he never had a meltdown...(well until the car ride home)... i know that we had issues with eating out and eating in...we had issues with the fireworks being late at night...we had a issues with not getting a hole in one at mini-golf...but he wanted to enjoy disney so much that he made himself endure the hard parts.  so maybe that was the magic of disney for us.