friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. visits from an old (not in body but in length and depth) friend.
2. my new toms...i have had 5 pairs including the ones harper wore and these are my favorite.
3. the anticipation of finally having my pictures framed and for the wall downstairs.
4. hearing finley call calvary "bubba".
5. the fact that she came up with this all on her own because she cannot say calvary.
6. wrapping this year up...it has been filled with lots of joy and excitement but also lots of stress and hard moments from which i am ready to move forward.
7. the possibilities that i am finally allowing myself to think about concerning homeschooling...there are so many things that are open for creativity and this prospect is a blank canvas...all of this = yummy yummy fun for me.
8. a new box of crayons and a fresh notebook full of blank paper.
9. being caught up on laundry.
10. watching finley sleep dangling one leg over the edge of the couch.
11. calvary and oliver jack playing batman together.
12. harper's love for baby dolls--she is still a little girl.
13. oliver jack's fluffy hair that sticks up on the sides.
14. chloe and emmi going to disney...i'm so excited for the memories which they were gifted with this christmas.
15. 30 rock.
16. moments that remind me how much further i need to go in areas of generosity, kindness, and consideration.  i have been shown such love and thoughtfulness and it makes me want to be more intuitive to the needs of others.
17. our driveway---our kids have already, in just one year, ridden their bikes, colored pictures, and bounced balls for countless hours on that driveway.  i sure do love watching them play.
18. harper and calvary making "potions" out of water, mud, and grass.
19. the whitlow family...such a gift of grace and redemption...
20. jade's cute type writer thank you notes...perfectly vintage.

blah to the drama...

i love having little girls.  i love dressing them up in sweet little clothes and braiding their sweet smelling hair.  i love their little shoes and the way they look in little tiny pea coats.  i love to watch as they naturally begin to mother everything from dolls to toy cars.  i love having someone with whom to share movies and books like a little princess.  there are so many parts that i would never change...
but...
if i could skip the drama...
oh, how sweet life would truly be. 
i'm not sure how asking someone to clean up the mess from under their bed leads to the following conversation but...i assure you...it does:

m: (said as sweetly as i could muster because this is an ongoing battle) you don't have to do it right now, but sometime tomorrow i would like you to clean out and organize your nightstand and the mess under your bed before it gets out of control.

h: i am the *only* one that has to clean up anything! why doesn't finley have to clean up anything?!

m:  really?  you didn't clean up anything when you were 1.  and if you look around, finley didn't make any of the mess in here. 

h:  it is just not fair that i have to clean this up!

m:  you act like your life is just so bad because i asked you to clean up your own mess!  do you really think your life is so bad (said sarcastically)?

h: sometimes i do.  when i am mad at you.  because things don't ever go my way.

m:  sigh. 

i know it is just a statement said in a moment of aggravation but it is a statement that cuts deeper than it should.  that harper...she knows how to get to me...and although most times she is sensitive and loving and wants nothing more than to be kind she has moments where she asserts her power and has this way of just knocking me back.  i try not to take it personal but we work so hard...
i think so much about everything and i have been guilty of maybe thinking a little too much and sometimes i take things a little too personal but i think that is because i am completely invested in this family.  fostering a wonderful life is what i pray about, strive for, and engage in and it is in those three words "sometimes i do" i am left feeling defeated.  blah. 
she apologized later and told me that she was wrong and i forgave her.  we talked about how our words are powerful and we have to be careful how we use them.  i also talked to her about how if her expectation for a good life was to have a life without responsibilities then she was not going to find it.  but those are the moments that hurt. 
so blah to girls and their drama...this is a no drama mama

oh liz lemon...

i am mostly making myself write a post tonight because i realize that it has been far too long since i have written a "real" post and become far too easy for me simply let writing slide.  i have been caught up in other responsibilities such as child rearing and while that can always be a valid excuse (it is basically the same as pulling the race card...the mom card is only slightly less effective) i have always managed to find time so it fails to excuse.  this christmas season wore me out!  between thanksgiving, oliver jack's birthday, decorating for christmas, finishing up school for the semester for the kids, doing advent activities, playing, baking, buying presents, making presents, wrapping presents, and sickness all the while trying to remember that we have taxes to pay on our home has made this season all encompassing.  supercompassing.  omnicompassing. 
all of this has triggered the following chain reaction:

• the kids are never in bed on time and have developed very erratic sleep habits which has consequently cut into my sans kid time in the evening.
• finley has decided that she will never nap in her bed ever again and has made it clear that she makes the rules on this situation...not that we ever disagreed...thus forcing me to forfeit any type of true nap time.  this time has been crucial for my home and self maintenance.
• lots of holiday baking has been happening.  in my home and in the homes of others.  therefore my home is constantly filled with baked goods.
• all of my sewing projects have required most of what is left of my evening diffusing time
• i still need some moments just to sit and let the day fall out of my ears without somehow falling asleep at 9:00 because of all the sewing projects...
• all of which lead to me sitting on the couch drinking coffee, eating holiday goodies, and watching countless episodes of 30 rock. 

through this experience i have learned many things about myself. 

1. i love 30 rock.  i laughed out loud while everyone else in my house was asleep when liz lemon had knock off lasik and started crying out of her mouth. 
2. i love coffee.  i love how it is warm and rich and can be sweet without being decadent.
3. i love baked goods.  i love how they can be paired perfectly with coffee.

mostly i have just learned how much i love 30 rock.  all of the other stuff really isn't news to me at all.  but the truth is that in the half hour i take watching 30 rock and drinking coffee is sometimes the only reminder i have that i am a person separate of my role as mother.  the busyness of the season has slowly taken all of the little free time that i have and i had less and less time for myself.  there were several times that i found myself in anticipation of getting home or going upstairs and watching 30 rock and i think mostly it is because those were the moments that i was wanting to claim some semblance of time for myself. 
i love the time i have spent with my family but my decline into sitcom oblivion is but a cautionary tale for mother's every where to remember to take time for ourselves...

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...
(late because i have been working diligently on my sewing machine)

1. no school
2. kyle taking days off of work
3. honey baked hams
4. honey smoked turkey breast
5. sweet neighbors bringing gifts over to the kids
6. the kids excitedly taking gifts to the neighbors
7. making sugar cookies with the kids
8. doing crafts with the kids
9. hearing the kids understand the deeper reasons we celebrate christmas because of our time using the truth in the tinsel 
10. harper, calvary, and oliver jack wrapping up their toys to give to each other and everyone else.  our christmas tree looks very impressive with the large amount of gifts underneath it as a result.
11. coffee helping me stay awake so i can sew.
12. jimmy fallon late night show...i've seen a lot of his face this week.

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. harper's generosity- she wants to give something to everyone and spends time diligently making and wrapping little gifts
2. oliver jack telling people that he is going to be "this age" while holding up three fingers
3. finley slept in her own bed the whole night last night (kind of sad too)
4. calvary carrying in his very modest gifts for his teachers with such pride and excitement reminding me of the true spirit of christmas.
5. finley licking her finger and sticking it in the sugar bowl.           
6. harper and calvary finding four leaf clovers in our yard.
7. finley bringing clothes to me and insisting that i put them on her...she is such a doll.
8. watching shows on netflix with kyle even though i rarely make it past 9:00 because finley's random sleeping has kept me less than rested.
9. kyle's upcoming work schedule.
10. sending out christmas cards...finally!
11. mr. levi bringing the kids inflatable balls to play with.
12. making up games to play using the balls.
13. watching my children understand the story of christmas.
14. baking.
15. calvary saying that he is glad that we have a girl elf because she is good at cooking.
16. going downstairs at night to find harper and oliver jack snuggled up together asleep.
17. watching finley and calvary play together...she can do no wrong in that little boy's world.
18. harper drinking hot tea when she's sick.
19. when something happens during the week and i say, "i've got to remember to put that on my list this week!".
20. oliver jack telling me that he likes when i hold him because i am "soft".              

friday's musings (a few days late)...

things i am loving about this week:

1. finley's new "sad baby" face
2. people asking me if i have lost weight
3. truth in the tinsel
4. our elf on the shelf
5. harper naming our elf "holly holiday"
6. calvary praying that the elf does not come into his room again while he sleeps
7. having enough to be able to share with those less fortunate
8. having little enough to know what it is like to need
9. visitors
10. watching my kids play with their cousins
11. calvary writing apology letters
12. finley snuggling before bed
13. oliver jack still being 2
14. hearing oliver jack asking finley to "come over here and give me a hug" because she "looks so cute"
15. oliver jack sleeping with a stick off of a toy because it is his "best fighting stick".
16. the christmas ornaments that remind me of granny (which is most of them)
17. the christmas ornaments that remind my kids of granny and hearing them talk about her and what the remember about her and what they miss about her
18. brown paper packages arriving in the mail
19. making harper new dresses
20. harper loving them
21. calvary buying lunch in the school cafeteria
22. harper memorizing scripture just so she can get a prize out of the prize box at church
23. eating pizza three nights in a row because we are hanging out with friends and family
24. harper and calvary snuggling on the couch because they are "best friends"
25. kyle moving the elf at night because i am too sleepy to remember
26. kyle laughing at me when i say, "a billion times 1 still equals a billion" in my sleep

truth in the tinsel...

i am never in a shortage of activities to do with my kids, especially around christmastime.  we have already decorated pine cones and turned them into christmas ornaments, colored wooden cutouts galore, made a paper count down to christmas chain, used gel window clings to decorate their bedroom windows, colored endless pictures from coloring books, and i am sure the list is not quite complete...and it is only december 6.  the kids are getting older and run the risk of getting caught up in the humanity of the season instead of remembering the divinity.  i wanted to find a way to make learning about the miracle of christmas as fun as all of the secular fun of santa and reindeer and elves.  while i was perusing the internet i stumbled upon the ebook truth in the tinsel.  we bought it and after we printed the handouts i spent about an hour reading through the material.  i was so happy to find something that helps me make the gospel accessible to my young children.  i am only one day in to the book, but i am excited to keep working through it.  i wanted to share this information in case there were other people looking for something similar!

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. christmas decorations
2. christmas lights
3. watching oliver jack's excitment over christmas lights as we drive down the road
4. harper's love for all things "nutcracker"
5. the sun shining through the tree tunnel on our way to school
6. oliver jack saying, "look mommy! Jesus is in there" as the light shines through the clouds
7. harper's bag of candy that she carries around and offers in a crunch to grouchy children
8. parades
9. baking holiday goodies
10. making christmas ornaments with my kids
11. watching harper, calvary, and oliver jack get so excited about doing any holiday activity
12. kyle coming home early from work
13. kyle not going to work
14. having all of our needs met
15. good friends
16. calvary only eating 5 biscuits for thanksgiving dinner
17. having pork chops instead of turkey
18. sewing projects
19. my boys in bow ties
20. making nightgowns out of curtains because i feel like maria from sound of music