making the world better one baby at a time :)

my friend lori just posted the trailer to the movie "motherhood" on her blog, http://www.anewjackson.blogspot.com/, and i just found myself so revealed. maybe it is the fact that uma's character looks tousled and frazzled, or maybe it is the fact that she is trying so hard to balance the expectations of her children with the expectations of the rest of the world, or maybe it is how, in that brief 2 minutes, she manages to capture the impossible love of a mother in such a profound way that i am almost scared to see the movie.
who was i before i was a mother? i'm pretty sure that my former self would not recognize the person i am now---for better or worse.
i used to dream of being a writer; now, this blog is all that i write--mostly about parenting.
i used to dream of being an artist; now, every creative thing i do is rooted in my children.
i used to dream of traveling all over the world; now, the only traveling i do is back and forth to schools, doctor's appointments, soccer games, church, grocery stores, parks, and dance classes.

the crazy thing about all of my past dreams and aspirations is that i feel like i should miss it or feel like i am half of a person or feel like i have left some part of me unfulfilled, but i don't. motherhood has not limited my dreams; it has only changed my inspiration. if my children can look back on what i have written and know with certainty that i love them-if they treasure the things that i have made for them because they know that my hands only wished to make tangible my adoration of them-if they find their passion in school or dance or soccer or wherever my humble vehicle takes them then i can think of no greater sense of fulfillment.

i used to say that unless a person has a farm, then there is no need to have more than two children. perhaps the sane side, or the side that likes to take showers or wear clothes that aren't stretchy, still believes that. but mostly, i realize how much God has blessed us with children. watching the faith of my children reminds me that their is hope for this world. with every child that is born in the world we are given the gift of the chance to start anew. they are not perfect, nor are they born that way, but we are given the gift to focus on God and to teach our children that our purpose is not to write, or play sports, or be a mom, but to use these gifts as a way to bring glory to Him. harper believes that when she prays that her fever goes away, or that grandmommy feels better, or calvary suddenly whisks away to the north pole that God hears her prayers. calvary believes that God put the moon in the sky to follow him wherever he goes to make sure he can see. somewhere along the way i have forgotten how intimately God cares for me. my children are a reminder that as intimately as i care for my own children God cares for each of us infinitely more intimately. and i pray that i can help my children not lose sight of that ultimate intimacy....