on my mind...

merriwether's very literal interpretation of "hay ride".

harper, merriwether, and calvary on the much anticipated hay ride.

merriwether, harper, and calvary outside of poole's.

harper, merriwether, and calvary with the man himself, oscar poole.

the "pig hill of fame"

this weekend we took a trip to georgia. harper had a few extra days off of school so we headed down on friday and did not make it home until after 10 on sunday. it was probably the most action the kids, and i, have had since we went to the beach in july. we are usually MUCH more low key, but it is fun to splurge on excitement every once in a while...

jacob had plans from before we even arrived until we left...i know that must have been taxing, but he handled the crazy extra amount of people and excitement with composure...i don't think i could have done the same. some people are planners and others are not. i'm not.

my favorite part of the weekend was a visit to poole's barbecue in ellijay, ga. i know that i can not rightfully describe the experience that a person has once arriving; pictures do not even do it justice. all i can say is that there is no place like it in the world.

harper's favorite part was visiting the pumpkin patch. the pumpkin's were huge...

calvary's favorite part was the hay ride. and playing on the stair's banister with his blanket and grandad.

kyle's favorite part was visiting a restaurant in chattanooga called the good dog.

oliver jack's favorite part was not being subjected to 7 hours of car riding and long, napless days. he stayed with nana and poppa and had the time of his life. of course i missed him terribly. it was the longest, by far, that we have been away from him since birth. i still think he is a little mad at me for abandoning him. maybe that is just my own guilt. right now he is punishing me by crying in his crib instead of taking a nap...

i'll take him next time.

hunter filled the void while i was away from oliver jack. he is such a sweet and cuddly little boy and he let me hold him as long as my arms could stand it! merriwether was also a joy to be around. i can still here her sweet voice tell me, "no, tassie, no. it is not naptime anymore." how different would my life be if my name was indeed tassie...

it is that time of year...

oliver jack is 9 months old!

i can hardly believe how fast this year is racing by. i know it is an expression as old as time itself but i truly feel that i had hardly painted the nursery and now we are lowering the crib to its lowest setting so that the baby it was made for stays nicely inside!

oliver jack is full of life. i am so glad that kyle and i gave in to that feeling that we shouldn't be done after the first 2! i cannot imagine life without him. it is overwhelming to think that i could have just stuck with the original decision to have 2 and be done and life would be so different. i would probably be working still, harper would probably be going to a different school, we probably wouldn't be thinking of buying a new house or new car, but mostly our house would be so much quieter!

and for anyone that doubts the sovereignty of God, oliver jack's personality and fit into this household has to be divine evidence of God's perfect vision. i prayed for a laid back baby, but my idea of a laid back baby would have been more lazy. oliver jack definitely rolls with the day and whatever is thrown at us because there is NO STOPPING HIM! he just goes and goes and goes. i said that God's hand was obviously in his design for our family because the two older babies just adore him and he adores them. he allows them to do whatever they deem necessary to him because he has only been treated like gold his entire life. just when i am about to stop harper from lugging him around like the world's heaviest baby doll, as she runs around the corner, i catch a glimpse of those sweet cheeks and the biggest grin i have ever seen and i realize that he is having the time of his life---short as it may be if harper keeps lugging him around with reckless abandon. the times that harper and calvary leave him behind forgotten i will see him dragging himself around as quickly as he can trying to keep up with his beloveds. i still categorize the children in to two groups: 1. harper and calvary 2. oliver jack. harper and calvary have been a duo for so long that it is hard for me to mentally separate the two. however, oliver jack is definitely beginning to find his place within them as an equal and less an accessory.

i took him to the doctor for his check up where he received a finger prick, hep B vaccine, and the flu shot. tara, the nurse at the doctor's office, is like an angel. her empathy for my kids (and i am sure everyone else's) while giving shots has actually brought tears to her eyes and she takes great measures to make sure that they are as pain free as possible and would you guess that he did not cry once?! he was so curious as to what she was doing and then so easily distracted by a cup of crayons that not even one yelp was let out! that does my heart good.

he has taken a little dip on the charts and moved to the 45% for height and to the 50% for weight.

he is still weighing 21 pounds and measuring in at 28 inches. his thighs are about equal to his height, i think. that is just an eye measurement, but the fact that the poor little guy has to wear enormous pants or stretchy pants to fit those thighs gives evidence that he is "breaking the mold" as dr. walker said. he definitely does not fit the body template of the other two. which is unfortunate for the family budget because most of the clothes that we have put away from calvary are not going to fit him this winter. he is wearing mostly 12month clothes and yesterday i put an outfit on him that we recently bought at old navy (so there was no shrink factor) that was an 18-24 months! it was too long, but everywhere else it fit perfectly. crazy.

he loves playing ball. for about the last 4 or 6 weeks he has been sitting and throwing the ball back and forth with whoever will sit and play. it is so funny because his actions are so deliberate. he is without question playing ball! if no one is around to play, he is happy to play ball himself. he will throw it and then go and chase it. and then throw it again. and then chase it again. just like playing fetch, only by himself.

he claps again. he had accomplished this feat only to forget it like babies often do. now he claps anytime someone says the word, "YAY!" he dances. he gives the world's most passionate kisses and he grins at almost everyone.

the only time he is not completely easy to please is when someone has food that they are not sharing with him. he is like a stray puppy that has been fed one to many times and now feels some sort of expectation for the benefactors to oblige his never ending desire for food. when food is involved he can get quite feisty.

another month has passed and with each passing day i am eternally grateful that this baby came into our lives. i have been triply blessed.

roots and wings...

i often heard the phrase "roots and wings" when people talk about raising children. i am not so sure i want my children to have wings; if i could find a way to make them want to stay close by forever, i would. unfortunately, or fortunately, my children were born with wings. harper's independence is unparalleled and despite calvary's love for home, he relishes in the times that he is cut free from his parental ties. oliver jack's love for flight is a bit more grounded in his own roots. he has the confidence to take on anything...as long as mom and dad are close by. nothing scares this little boy if one of us is in sight. harper and calvary are independent. they have confidence to do the things they do not fear and what they do fear is not mediated by the promise of our protection...oliver jack completely trusts us to protect him. for better or worse. unfortunately i know that i will let him down from time to time. it is inevitable. i cannot protect him from everything that life will throw at him, but right now, i take joy in his innocence and purity of heart...and we do the throwing :)

laundry...

my dream:

photo taken from (alkemie.blogspot.com)

my reality:


the clothes near the water heater patiently wait for their turn in the washer...the clothes across from the dryer wait, a little less patiently, for their return to their respected closets...

fisticuffs

this picture is indicative of the times in the murray household. harper and calvary have been intentionally irking each other a little more frequently over the past couple of weeks. thankfully, this week has shown a return to the normal pattern of sibling violence (both verbal and physical). i took this picture last week at the park and i remembered that for everything there is a season. they may fight a bit more, but i believe their love for one another is growing a bit more too.

prayers...

harper's prayer tonight after her devotional...

"thank you for all that you gave us and all you forgave us and for sending your son Jesus to die for us so that we do not have to shed lamb's blood..."

tough questions continued...

(riding in the car tonight)

harper: " i have a really good question."
me: "okay."
harper: " how do people get pregnant?"
me: " that is a good question..."

nothing a bag of sour patch kids won't fix...

today has just been one of those days. maybe it is the result of being thrown, with reckless abandon, into a full weekday after the sanctuary of a long weekend...or maybe i am just in one of those moods...regardless, i thought bedtime would never come. and once it did, the guilt i felt for wishing bedtime would hurry up and come kept me from enjoying the fact that bedtime did indeed arrive. sigh.
the day started off incredibly pleasant. it was not until nap time (or lack thereof) that the ugliness of the day crept eerily in...oliver jack and calvary must have been in cahoots. i took off to pick harper up from school and as we drove home calvary, of course, fell asleep in the car. the sweetness that is harper let him rest on her shoulder. she tried not to move and i watched as she looked at him sleeping and i knew...despite her best efforts sometimes...that she loves him. that was the sweetest moment of my day. probably worth it all.
i reveled in that moment just until we parked in the driveway and calvary woke up from his not-so-powerful nap. i was getting everyone in the door, making a bottle, trying to get snacks together, and this is the moment that harper decides to unload the contents of her back pack in the middle of the kitchen floor....really? i let my frustrations out as i told harper that i could not look at her stuff at that moment because i was too busy and then i sat down on the couch feeding the baby and my shame just rose up inside...i have not seen her all day and i was too busy? i should be ashamed and i was. i apologized and she forgave.
but the rest of the day was pretty much around the same lines. nothing extraordinary that would warrant ambulances, explanation points, or shocked faces, but just enough irritations to lead to a downward spiral of parental frustration. i am frustrated because i feel like i do enough and they do not appreciate it. i am frustrated because i feel like i do not do enough and they are calling me out on it. i am frustrated because i feel like i never have a moment to do anything that i want to do. i am frustrated because i feel like i am not always grateful. i am frustrated because i feel like my children are not grateful. just on these days i sit and wonder what should be done to fix all this.
i guess we are all just mixed bags.
when they were born, and everyday since, i pray that they only get the best parts of me... my super attractive face or my infuriatingly long legs or perhaps my...(well, i cannot think of any of the meaningful qualities right now but i am sure i have some)...but the truth is that God let them be mixed bags. we have free will right? i have the choice to love them and they have the choice to love me. it would be too easy if we were all perfect. i would not understand God if i did not watch someone i love not appreciate all the things i do for them. or if i did not watch someone i love casually dismiss the depth of my love for them. of if i did not watch someone i love curse my name (yes, it is true....calvary called me "stupid mommy" today). or if i did not watch someone i love reach out and hug their brother. or if did not watch someone i love lovingly protect their little baby. or if i did not feel the sweetness of their words as they genuinely whisper, "i love you mommy". i only housed these little bodies while God did the knitting. how much more intensely does He love me....He created me from nothing more than dust. He breathed life into my lungs. He rejoices over me with lullabies much sweeter than the ones i sing over my own children...
i wonder how His heart breaks on those days i turn away and ignore His love...
i wonder how much joy He feels when i worship Him...
i wonder if He ever feels like all He needs is a big bag of sour patch kids, like the size of earth, and the problems of the world seem distant and manageable...
i am thankful that God has given me this love for a child: the most frustrating, joyful, indescribable, deep emotion that i have ever known. it is an impossible love...

try not to sympathize with him...i'm really quite charming.

conversation with kyle:

me: "what are we going to do to save the children?"

kyle: "i don't know. what can we do?"

me: "did you know that there are 143 million oprhans in the world?"

kyle: "no."

me: "we should move to uganda and rescue children."

kyle: "?"

me: "we could go there and list our needs on our blog and people could help us."

kyle: "this probably has to be one of the most unrealistic dreams you have had."

me: "why? we don't have a mortgage and we don't have a car payment. we can just move over there and live with what we have."

kyle: "oh, and i guess our credit card companies will just forgive us because we are saving ugandian children..."

me: "we can figure that out later."

kyle: "and what about health insurance. we at least need to be able to send our kids back to the states in case one of them gets sick. i'm pretty sure our insurance doesn't cover ugandian witch doctors..."

me: "..."

so kyle is going to say i am even more of a hippie now...

today as i logged on to the Internet i was intrigued by the story of colin beaven. if you are interested in his story you should check out his link. trust me, it is fascinating.
http://www.noimpactdoc.com/about.php
i do not necessarily think of myself as a hippie, but for some reason the things i am drawn to are normally under that heading...i fight the battle with kyle all the time. he calls me a hippie; i deny it. but then i find things like the "no impact man" and i cannot help but to think how amazing this whole project has been (not to mention lucrative for his family, but let's hope that he truly is wanting to change the world and not merely find a new way to make a buck).
harper has been learning a lot about sin at school. in fact, "sin" is one word that she can read and write without any help. i think that is kind of sad, but my sister-in-law pointed out a truth to me that helps me see the good in focusing on sin. she reminded me that we live in a world that fails to acknowledge sin, so the fact that the school is pointing out sin helps our children realize that there are absolutes in a world that teaches the opposite. but all this focus on sin has made me think more carefully about our lives and how sinful we truly are.
we take everything that God has given us and find someway to manipulate it and turn it into something that is harmful for us. we tend to focus on the big things like drugs, alcohol, and sex, but the reality is that we have polluted so much of God's goodness that we cannot rely on Him because we are so fully reliant on the things we have created. God gives us fruits and vegetables and we find a way to make cake. and then we find a way to take cake and preserve it so that we can take cake anywhere with us. God gives us water and we make soda. God gives us cotton and we make plastic. everything pure has been tainted by our own sinful touches; so it is no wonder that the very things that we create are the things that kill us.
it is funny that ideas of returning to the pure, organic way of life is often times labeled as "liberal" because i believe that being in the world and not of the world is the essential Christian calling. we are called to rely on God and not on the things of this world. i still drink sodas; even though i have MAJORLY cut back. and i wonder if i could ever turn away fully from my reliance of man-made substitutes for God's originals, but the fact that this man was able to turn away from most of the world's modern conveniences makes me realize that i can do more than i think i can.
he makes a list of very do-able ways to live more of a "low impact" life that are also very responsible as Christians--they take us *out* of this world that we are so intrinsically connected to.

i am sure that kyle will have quite a laugh at this and call me a hippie when he reads it, but i believe that i am so rooted in the modern conviences of the world that i would most likely reject the Garden that God called Eden. these steps are a great way to begin to not be as connected with the world as most of us (or maybe just me) are.