"to my dear and loving husband"...

for the past month our pastor has been doing a sermon series called "for better and for worse".  i would like to say that i was shocked by the statistics shared or that i never expected for married couples to struggle with so much hurt or isolation but the truth is that in the almost 8 years that kyle and i have been married we have seen some of our friends get married only to get divorced a short while later and from the sidelines we have seen the destruction that can be caused by infidelity.  i have not been married long enough to consider myself an expert on the subject of marriage but what i do consider myself is blessed. 
on sunday matt focused on the role of the woman in marriage.  it was the usual "submit to your husbands" bit and as usual i felt the pang of guilt that i could do a much better job of following his lead.  i like to think that i am a submissive partner for my husband but i also recognize that i am strong-willed and independent.  those two characteristics can be road blocks to submission.  as he talked i thought about all the ways that i could show more respect to my husband.  i thought about all the ways in which i have failed.  i left wanting to be a better wife.
the following sunday matt focused on the role of the man in marriage.  it was the usual "love your wives as Christ loves the church" bit and i felt the pang of guilt of knowing that my husband does love me like this and sometimes i don't let him know how much i am thankful for that.  as i listened to his sermon i fell more in love with my husband.  he is the head of our household not as a cold, harsh isolation but with loving warmth and acceptance.  he is not a push-over; the kids are more fretful of upsetting him then they are of me even though i feel like i am harder on them :).  he is good to me.  he is always looking to meet my needs and take care of me.  he never makes me feel like his job is out of the house and my job is in the house.  he is my partner.  he is my best friend. 
as i listened to matt call the men in the church to stand up and be men i realized that my husband already is that man.  of course he is not perfect and we have our share of spats over silly stuff like where he leaves his shoes but without question i feel like i have struck gold with this man.
after the sermon i left feeling more convicted and undeserving then i did when i left the sermon directed towards me.  i thought about all the ways i fail at showing him how much i appreciate him.  how distracted i get with meeting the needs of my children.  how distracted i am by preparing meals, cleaning the house, and shopping.  and i left wanting to be a better wife.