monday's musings...

things i am loving about this week (extended edition):

1. taking an uninterrupted shower in the morning to start the day.  i can't remember the last time that there was no one anxiously awaiting my return to fulfill some sort of need while i take a shower.  or the last time i took one without some sort of audience.
2. kyle's ability to fix my mistakes.  even if he doesn't understand how they happen. 
3. finley singing and dancing with her "bow bow".
4. oliver jack's imagination explosion.  he is constantly making up stories and acting them out.
5. my dad celebrating his 50th birthday!  ~happy birthday~
6. finally being able to braid harper's hair again...i was starting to go through withdrawal.
7. making simple changes that make dramatic differences in my the ability my children have to tackle certain challenges.  mainly those challenges are calvary's but the solutions help everyone! our latest success has been with dinner.  i have started to make simple desserts, like jello, which are offered as motivation to fulfill the new dinner rule: everyone can pick one thing of which only to have one bite.  they have to eat a healthy amount of everything else.  i don't fully understand why it has made such a dramatic effect on calvary's ability to make it through a meal but it has.  i imagine it has something to do with his love of routine and and love for rules.  even though he might be totally disturbed by the meal we are having he knows that he has some sort of control and he knows what to expect as a result of that control.  we have had relatively drama free dinners since we started!
8. working in the yard.
9. finley's sudden desire to be a "real person".
10. harper and calvary's awesome report cards.
11. harper's excitement about our upcoming trip to disney.  everyday she mentions something about our trip.
12. having chloe and emmi over...even if it rained all day and night putting a major damper on their fun...they are good girls and i am excited that they are all about the same age.
13. making actual tangible steps towards the home school goal.  i am a grab bag of excitement and terror...but i love that i am actually walking towards our goal.
14. i love how both homeschooling and asperger's creates communities of people that are willing to move past normal acceptable social etiquette so that we can connect. 
15. doing things i have been inspired to do through pinterest. 
16. calvary's love of spinach.
17. harper's desire to finish her "God-time" card for church...even though she does the whole thing in one day...so that she can turn in back in and have mr. scott be proud.
18. the fact that she calls her "God-time" card her "valentine".
19. finley sleeping in oliver jack's t-shirts for bed because of the warm weather.
20. fruit
21. finley falling asleep in my arms...still.

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week:

1. finley and oliver jack getting to spend some quality time with their aunt alli.
2. how finley said "alli" for hours after her little date.
3. meeting a mom at the dr.'s office that home schooled and who was willing to give me so much help. 
4. having the windows open all week.
5. levi being on vacation all week.
6. the weekly bible study i have been going to on thursday evenings.
7. calvary trying to stay awake until i get home.
8. harper's complete lack of self-consciousness.
9. oliver jack's complete embodiment of all things "boy".
10. warmer weather reminding me of all the awesome things to do in the summertime.
11. the few moments that i have been able to enjoy my cup of coffee before the whipped cream melted.
12. finley's unprompted kisses.
13. oliver jack's love for margo; they have so much fun together and he is willing to do ANYTHING to make her laugh.
14. harper wanting to talk to the kids in her class about Jesus.
15. calvary using his ipod to take pictures of all the star wars gear at the dr.'s office and then using the pictures as his wallpaper.
16. how completely zen calvary has been this week...(that can go on a different list as well but for now i will choose to be grateful for these moments)...oliver jack decided to swipe his ninjago man and instead of exploding calvary just very calmly said, "you're not in trouble. i just want to know why you did it." he sounded very rehearsed but i honestly cannot believe he held it together.
17. turning the heat off.
18. kyle.
19. having dessert every night after dinner as a way to motivate the kids to eat happily...even though it adds a step to the dinner making process.
20. playing at the park. 

pinspired....

a long while ago i was looking on pinterest and i fell in love with this awesome pallet art that came through my feed. 
after moving in to our home i have decided to take my time in filling it and decorating.  i wanted to make sure that the pieces i put in our home truly reflecting us...(kyle deep down loves bright colors and repurposed art)
when i laid eyes on all the examples that she put in her blog i knew that i must try my hand at creating my own work. 
kyle has been hard at work building the kids an awesome tree house in our woods behind the house.  our friends let us have access to all of this wood from some of their contracting work and so i knew that some of the scraps would be perfect.  which was ideal because i didn't have a pallet or even know where to find one. 
i went outside and started shopping for spare wood. i settled on these weathered 2x6s that had the character that i was looking for in my mind for this project. next i found a painted green piece that i just had to use because, well, i have a slight obsession with color. i laid the pieces i liked out and went and found kyle...he did all the difficult parts.
he figured out how to piece them all together and still allow for a ledge for me to hang it up.  at this time i also found this awesome scrap of blue wood that i wanted to use.  i didn't want it jutting out obtrusively on the front; i needed it to be as organic as possible. so, i asked kyle to put it where it would peek out from the wood that was crooked.  kyle started looking at me like the man that does all of the work on "picker sisters" so i knew that i needed to be done. 
after he finished putting it all together it weighed like 5 tons...give or take a ton.  i saw the doubt in kyle's eyes but i pressed ever onward with my project. 
i wanted to create a softness so i decided to use some scrap fabric and make some rosettes for the front.  i made so many.  so many.  i think i am still pulling off dried glue from under my nails.  once i arranged them where i wanted them on the project i used hot glue to secure them. 
all that was left was painting.  i never write first because i have learned that when i do that it loses some of the charm...i try harder to write "right" and it somehow doesn't feel like i want it to feel.
i settled on "my cup runneth over" for the text for several reasons.  first, and most obvious, is that my cup truly does overflow with blessings from above.  secondly, as an ever present reminder to find blessings in the hard moments and a reminder of katie, who always spoke/wrote these words...no matter what her life encountered.  i think of her often.  i think of her spirit. 

the most difficult part was putting it up on the wall.  kyle, of course, handled this part.  he truly is the brawn and looks behind this operation.  he used some sort of bolt and attached it to the stud in the wall directly over the fireplace.  i held it steady while he worked.  i can be somewhat useful :)
i love, love, love how it turned out. 
i want my children to know how hard we work to make our house a home and more importantly i want them to know that i know that they are a huge blessing in my life...sometimes i have to get on them about cleaning rooms are writing with tidy handwriting...but no matter what, life is precious.

friday's musings...

the things i am loving about this week:

1. finley shaking her little bottom...i've never had a baby this small figure out how to shake their bottom without just simply shaking their entire body.
2. calvary playing with a random kid at the park.
3. harper being my rock..."please watch finley for a second while i help oliver jack get his handcuffs out of his pants." "could you buckle oliver jack for the millionth time?" "mommy, i'll trade my spoon with her since this is the one she wants." "look mommy, i found her paci right here!" "harper can i borrow your shoe to get calvary's plane out of the tree?"...the list could go on and on...and this is just from yesterday.
4. finley playing the ipod.
5. oliver jack's use of my mixing spoon as a weapon just in case we see a bad guy while we are at the store.
6. my little brother's new job.
7. calvary coming down and getting in the bed with me two mornings this week (i can, in the entire almost 6 years of his life, count how many times he has come down and got in the bed with us. i can't seem to keep the other ones out...)
8. oliver jack crying when i am not home.  it may sound cruel but he pretends to be so indifferent to me.  he doesn't cry when i leave; instead, he cries when he misses me while i am gone.  awww.
9. banana ice cream.
10. getting coffee with lori.  we have been doing this more regularly and it has been so nice to have time out of the house, even if it is only a couple of hours at night every couple of weeks.
11. reorganizing the play room.  i won't mention the fact that it causes me great aggravation to admit that it is quickly losing organization...oops...i guess i mentioned it.
12. calvary has moved past wearing the same size pants as harper to now wearing bigger pants than her.  we just bought him 7 slims to fit those long legs and harper still comfortably wears her size 6s.  this would not be on her list of things she loves about this week.
13. harper using a fork and knife at dinner.  who cares if she mostly reminded me of ariel in the little mermaid...baby steps.
14. cooking. i like finding ways to be creative in the kitchen. my goal next week is to really work on diversifying the foods that my children enjoy.
15. learning what a split infinitive is and realizing that i just used one in the previous listing...
16. and not correcting it.
17. harper and finley's new sandals.
18. finley letting me still hold her like a baby.
19. someone telling me the other day that she looks too small to be walking...and me responding that she is almost 2.
20. kyle renting footloose for me and watching it with me on tuesday night.

just a few ideas for my husband...

so, my birthday is coming up.  it really isn't a big deal except for the fact that i turn THIRTY this year... it isn't really bothering me as much as it seems like a big deal.  kind of like turning 16 is a big deal or 21.  i can say that i am stuck between feeling relieved that i am going to be 30 and a little disappointed.  i am relieved on the front that i will finally feel like a bonafied adult.  it is the same reason that i am disappointed.  maybe now people will be less likely to correlate irresponsibility into the equation of my age and the enormous amount of children that i have.  maybe i won't hear, "and you are how old?" anymore. 
but i also feel like i have to be much more sophisticated and responsible.  will kyle suddenly expect me to not only make sure all of the doors to our house are shut (i came back from dropping harper & calvary off at school only to find the door to our house wide open...oops) but also locked? will he expect me to know where my keys are at all times?  will he expect me to mail those bills off on time?  turning 30 is so much pressure. 
i also feel like the rest of the world is going to have unfair expectations for me as well.  i feel like i can no longer claim childish innocence to the insurance company when i call to question the denial of certain claims.  i also feel like i am expected to know what it means when i say "the denial of certain claims".  i feel like people will feel less guilty for taking advantage of my lack of worldly knowledge because they will say, "she's thirty! she should definitely know better."
but alas, i suppose the truth is that regardless of my feelings towards this birthday it is coming.  in a matter of months i will be closing the chapter on my 20's and entering a new realm.  and while i am usually hesitant to say that i would like any thing in particular for any given holiday i have decided that material things will truly bring me the most comfort in this complicated emotional time in my life. 
the list i have been putting together is unfiltered of my usual financial reserve.  i just figured that i need to help kyle make this birthday as happy as it can be :).
so, kyle, if you are able to buy any of these gifts for me on this monumental occasion it would be much appreciated.  of course i do not expect all (all would be nice); i will settle for 1. 

my top ten gift ideas for my 30th birthday for kyle

1. michael kors jet set sport crystal chronography watch
2. dslr purse camera bag and purse
3. blog to book for me...i already have it formatted...just need to print one out for me
4. whorled trapunto rug from anthropologie
5. accent chairs for the living room 
6. these blue sandals
7. some new sunglasses that are also do something awesome for someone else: win win!
8. a new pearl necklace since mine was lost in the move
9. of course there is always this or this
10. or mostly, i just want you...this stuff doesn't really matter :)

the funny thing about making this list is that all of these things are completely fun...nothing i need...i already have all of that i need.

but i am turning 30.

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week:

1. finley giving me kisses on my cheek.
2. hearing calvary say, "my wish came true!" after we pulled some strings so that the lego star wars video game would be here after he wished for it upon a star...(it was a day late but that didn't seem to bother him :) ).
3. carmel syrup on my coffee.
4. harper's drawings...especially the poster she made for distrubition called "Notice God".  it was a landscape drawing that said "Don't Regreat or You'll Forget".  profound when i think about it for a long, long time...
5. calvary's teacher.
6. oliver jack's very grown up pallatte.
7. harper giving finley piggy back rides.
8. taking nature walks in the woods.
9. making plans for projects in the yard.
10. instagram photos.
11. having two services at church so that when i work nursery i can still make it to the service.
12. harper helping me in the nursery.
13. finley's inexplicable blonde hair.
14. the end of the school year getting closer and closer.
15. finley break dancing like oliver jack...which basically looks like she is swimming on the floor.

"to my dear and loving husband"...

for the past month our pastor has been doing a sermon series called "for better and for worse".  i would like to say that i was shocked by the statistics shared or that i never expected for married couples to struggle with so much hurt or isolation but the truth is that in the almost 8 years that kyle and i have been married we have seen some of our friends get married only to get divorced a short while later and from the sidelines we have seen the destruction that can be caused by infidelity.  i have not been married long enough to consider myself an expert on the subject of marriage but what i do consider myself is blessed. 
on sunday matt focused on the role of the woman in marriage.  it was the usual "submit to your husbands" bit and as usual i felt the pang of guilt that i could do a much better job of following his lead.  i like to think that i am a submissive partner for my husband but i also recognize that i am strong-willed and independent.  those two characteristics can be road blocks to submission.  as he talked i thought about all the ways that i could show more respect to my husband.  i thought about all the ways in which i have failed.  i left wanting to be a better wife.
the following sunday matt focused on the role of the man in marriage.  it was the usual "love your wives as Christ loves the church" bit and i felt the pang of guilt of knowing that my husband does love me like this and sometimes i don't let him know how much i am thankful for that.  as i listened to his sermon i fell more in love with my husband.  he is the head of our household not as a cold, harsh isolation but with loving warmth and acceptance.  he is not a push-over; the kids are more fretful of upsetting him then they are of me even though i feel like i am harder on them :).  he is good to me.  he is always looking to meet my needs and take care of me.  he never makes me feel like his job is out of the house and my job is in the house.  he is my partner.  he is my best friend. 
as i listened to matt call the men in the church to stand up and be men i realized that my husband already is that man.  of course he is not perfect and we have our share of spats over silly stuff like where he leaves his shoes but without question i feel like i have struck gold with this man.
after the sermon i left feeling more convicted and undeserving then i did when i left the sermon directed towards me.  i thought about all the ways i fail at showing him how much i appreciate him.  how distracted i get with meeting the needs of my children.  how distracted i am by preparing meals, cleaning the house, and shopping.  and i left wanting to be a better wife.