this must be what it means to admire someone...

so it has been a strange week/weekend. stressful would be a better word. we have had to deal with dumb issues because we decided to procrastinate our responsibilities. the funny thing about procrastination is that when i am justifying my delay everything seems to make perfect sense...but once everything actually pans out i sit in amazement at how idiotic my rational was. so anyway, a one time 30.00 inspection turned in to well over 500.00 escapade that is no where near completion. my court date is tomorrow and i will be standing there with a handful of "attempts." all of this piled on top of the illnesses that keep plaguing the bodies of my small children made the comfort food of Bojangles and idleness seem like the only resort. when i finally went back to work on Thursday, i learned that a friend of mine lost her daughter. it doesn't matter how inevitable that death may have been, the news still strikes like it was never expected. kyle was asked to sing "i can only imagine" at the funeral and he wasn't sure if he was capable of doing it. i begged him to sing because i wanted to do something for my friend and Lord knows that i can't sing, especially at such an event. anyway, when we arrived at the funeral i went to my friend. she was exactly how she always is. she made a few jokes and kyle and i went to our seats. as the funeral progressed and i heard the stories of the family's trials i sat in amazement. i watched as every person in the room wept, not with surprise that the little girl had passed away, but because of how much they loved the family. i spoke with her again after the funeral and i though to myself about the strength, the unforced grace, and indescribable joy that this woman has. i told kyle that i was not sure if i could be like her if i ever had to go through such a situation . i told him that i wondered if everyone in the sanctuary felt the same way towards this woman, the same closeness or love. i always have called this woman, who is very close to twice my age, my friend. but i think it is something more than that. when i see her in the face of adversity it is consistent with the character of everyday ease. that amazes me. i've seen her cry. i've seen her laugh. i've seen her angry. but i've never seen her without joy. i told kyle that i was not sure if i could be like her. but i want to be. this must be what it means to admire someone...