a day at the pool...

i look forward to summer.  summer is the salve to my free spirited soul.  just when deadlines, schedules, and the need for perfectly seasoned and laundered clothing starts to become oppressive summer comes in and breathes solace. 
oh the joys of going to sleep as the need arises, not waking up before the sun peeks through the curtains, eating meals at a leisurely pace...no homework...oh, curse homework and the person who believes that after 7 hours of elementary education that there is still a need for home work...i need nothing more than the freedom from scheduling for summer to feel and be wonderful. 
picking a favorite pasttime for filling our summer days would be challenging because as long as each day was free from any of the elements from my non-summer list i view it as perfectly spent. 
we fill our days with popcicle eating, watermelon seed spitting, sidewalk drawing, park hopping, daytime napping, picnic snacking, finger painting, family vactioning and many other gerund-y phrases but i have to say the favorite of my crew is swimming...
it doesn't matter where.
it doesn't matter how.
it doesn't matter when.
it just matters that they can.  all of my children love the water.  it is a gift which i am expecially grateful for in the summer.  i can't imagine if one of my children were deathly afraid of the water because i am sure that my pool time fun would turn into pool time torture. 
but everyone...oldest to youngest...enjoys the pool. 
harper loves to jump in and dive at the deep end, but she also loves to lovingly tote around finley.
calvary loves to practice getting dive sticks, but he also loves floating with complete abandon in a float.
oliver jack loves to practice swimming from the wall to the ladder, but he also loves to sit happily filling containers on the stairs.
finley...well...she likes to be held.  on the side, in the pool, or wrapped in a towel...it doesn't matter...as long as she's held.

everyone indulges my need for gratituous amounts of photos...like here and here

everyone gets along...

and everyone sleeps heavily...and i can think of nothing better than a sweet summertime swim induced slumber.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

homeschool and aspergers's

i can hardly call myself an expert on the subject of asperger's or homeschooling seeing how i am new to both.  calvary's diagnosis was only just "official" earlier this year (although we have suspected it for much longer) and monday is our first day of homeschooling.  that being said, having a child that has an ASD makes parenting atypical...but when you are parenting an atypical child in the midst of typical children it can feel like burning a candle by two ends. 

i knew homeschooling was going to be a challenge for me as an individual because i am not very organized and high pressure/high "to-do"s make me incredibly stressed.   but it is a challenge that i feel up to and it is a challenge that i feel will strengthen me both as an individual and as a mother...if i don't quit...which may or may not have already crossed my mind.  but in addition to being a challenge for me, i knew that it would stretch all of my children.  of course harper was thrilled with the concept and couldn't wait to turn our home into her schoolhouse.  i worried about her leaving her friends and her incredibly adoring fans (teachers and staff) at her school because i need her to feel like the amazing girl that she is...and sometimes i have to be the bad guy and bring her back down to size...i guess i will just have to tell her how wonderful she is an additonal 50 times a day to make sure she continues her development of that incredible self-image. 

truth be told, harper isn't really with whom i was concerned.  of course i have had countless conversations with her about her concerns or fears.  we have tried to make special efforts to preserve her friendship with her best friend from school.  but harper is fearless.  as long as she can home at night she is ready to conquer the world by day (she has even been known to leave home for a few days too)...

calvary on the other hand is the one that i knew that would need extra precautions. so i designed our entire homeschooling experience with his needs in mind.  thankfully, most kids also thrive in this kind of environment so i knew that it would be conducive for all of my children...but calvary NEEDS these provisions in order for there to be much chance at all for success in homeschooling. 

1. we made designated areas for every activity.  there is a cozy "nest" area for reading, a computer room, and a place for seat work

finley modeling the "nest"

2.  i knew that calvary would need a quiet place to "escape" to when he needed to focus on his work.  he is becoming more aware of his super senses and sometimes has a difficult time processing his own thoughts when everyone is around...so we moved the computer into a separate room in hopes to give him a little more peace while he works on the computer. 

the computer in the "ish" room--meaning that it is not quite designated for any one purpose.

3.  i made several busy bags with sensory input in mind.  i have lacing boards to help develop those motor skills, button threading, marble sorting...lots and lots of activities for hands-on-energy-focusing time. 

drawer full of fun...puzzles, busy bags, memory games

4. calvary his own designated place for seat work.  this will not change.  his area will remain his area and the other kids will not be allowed to invade this "safe place".  it is important that calvary knows what to expect, where to be, and where to find things.  every thing has a place and a time.  this will help him maintain his sense of order when everything inside his head sometimes feels so chaotic. 

calvary land...we have one everywhere...the car, his room, and now the homeschooling room. 

5. again, lots of sensory input for supplies.  play-d'oh was his outlet in kindergarten.  whenever mrs. thomas noticed that calvary was having a difficult time she would allow him to disconnect and go to play-d'oh for some relaxation.  i am not even sure she knew what a great service she was doing for his internal processing but her instincts where amazing.  i wish i could bring her home with me :).  we also have finger paints, pipe cleaners, glitter and tons of other fun messy, sensory delights. 

6.  we are also working on a sensory table so that we can have a place to work with water, lima beans, and sand.  i almost cringe just thinking of the messes i will be cleaning up because of that one. 

7.   certainly by far the most mind consuming for me has been social interaction....with children with asperger's social training is not something with which to be taken lightly.  i have even noticed this summer has been a difficult time with calvary for proper peer relations.  he has started, as to be expected, to gravitate towards younger children.  whenever we play with peers he has a very difficult time cooperating with play, bending to others needs, understanding how to be part of group, and proper conflict resolution.  my challenge is to find balance so that he has enough opportunities to practice social graces without it becoming overwhelming.  kyle, calvary's therapist, and i all agree that 7 hours a day 5 times a week is a bit excessive for exercising a weakness.  all this being said, we are juggling two possible options for extra curricular individualized team sports...one of which is swimming and the other is tae kwon do.  swimming is our first option and he goes to a 2 week trial session next week and harper is going to go with him.  if he doesn't like swimming (or more importantly, if we cannot afford it) then he will go for tae kwon do. 

8. chewy tubes so that he will not chew his fingers raw.  between his need for sensory input, his perfection seeking attitude, and anxiety his fingers (and toes...ewww) have taken quite a punishing this past year.  hopefully, something like this will help. 

 

so, i am sure we are missing loads of points that need to be addressed...but we are going to take this one day at a time. even though the stress is a pretty intense fog through which to see...one thing i know for sure, i am going to love having harper and calvary home all year and i am going to try and revel in the gift in which i have been given

this blog is written in participation with kate krull's blog party with this week's theme being about kids with special needs and school.  feel free to join! 

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in most of our posts i only talk about the emotional hardships or parenting hardships or the fun we are having.  we have been to disney world, the beach, harper has been in ballet, the kids have done soccer and t-ball, and calvary has gone to occupational therapy and had evaluations.  it would never seem to the outside world that any of this is difficult. 
most people like to pretend that money is not ever an issue in a world where most issues are actually related to money. 
i am guilty of that just as much as the next person but the reality is that kids are expensive.   
i blew some minds with that one. 
but what i mean to say is that kids are really, really expensive. 
kyle and i have never been the type that actually weighed our financial standing as our scale tipper in decision making.  we have always trusted God and His provision and thankfully we have always...always...had everything we have needed and a good bit of our wants. 
i made a conscious decision early on in our marriage that i was not going to let money cause me anxiety and, while God has always provided, there have been some tough times.
most of our strain always comes from the unexpected.  things like calvary having to have surgery to correct pyloric stenosis when he was just 5 weeks old really upset the fragile economy known as our finances.
  who can plan for that? certainly not me.  i barely plan the kids... :)

the biggest complication to our financial world has been this whole autism world.  everything from evaluations, to therapy, to specialists, to social activities, to special foods, cost money...and lots of it.  insult to injury is how insurance companies can ALWAYS find a way around paying coverage for these treatments.  and unless you are willing to load up credit cards with piles and piles of debt or unless you have fathomless pockets full of money decisions have to be weighed and made.

but then there's the guilt.  the guilt of having to provide for your children's needs.  i can always deny myself a haircut or a new pair of cute shoes, but how can i deny services that others deem my child needs? 

autism is a vaccuum for time and money.  i would be a hopeless optimist if i believed that people in the field did not 1. know about this guilt and 2. take advantage.  trying to navigate and discern between genuine need and fluff is exhausting.

i will say that i know that my character has been strengthened by all of this. 

i found this on pinterest the other day and i went on to read the rest of the passage and i am so grateful for how we have just enough.  not so much that we forget that we must rely on God but not so little that would think to steal.  we have just enough. 
my character has been shaped to mold me into a person who has a better understanding of the differences between need and want (my incredibly westernized lifestyle still puts that at a laughable concept for the rest of the world)
i am much more creative.  it is amazing what a person can do when they really have to!
i have learned that generosity has as much to do with time, forgiveness, love, and resources as it does with finances. 
i have learned to be grateful for little acts of generosity much more...
i have learned to pray.  pray for discernment.  pray for blessings.  pray for peace.  pray for ways to open our hands to others who may have needs we can fulfill. 
i have realized just how blessed we are. 

we are on the brink of a year full of possibilites.  and right now i am overwhelmed with the question of need and provision.  i needed to remind myself of just how richly we have been blessed.

Show me the light...

I am in the parking lot of the grocery store and I just had to take a minute and write about what my mind wandered to while I was driving...
The weather is perfect for musing and the windows were rolled down and the music was turned up loud with those warm, deep soul full sounds that bring me back to being nestled down in the valley of eastern Tennessee...and my thoughts went to Harper.
I am so amazed by her.
I watched her hug an old lady at the assisted living facility and I marveled at her. She's fearless. She's compassionate. She's generous. All these things are not always easy for me, yet she does is and does all with seamless ease. I was terrified of old people when I was young and hated the thought of hugging my own great grandparents in nursing facilities...but she knows that they need it and she cares more about that then she does her own comfort.
She's beautiful. A gift.
The very best gifts usually are unexpected :)

birthday celebration...



i had edited these pictures to the best of my limited ability and they looked great! (great by my own personal standards but not by any professional standards :) )  but then i go to put them here, and all of my editing just vanished.  so after literally days of trying...i give up...the important thing is that all of harper's fun and excitement is recorded for future posterity.

oliver jack was born for this :)

she doesn't even have to try...cute just oozes out of her naturally...

see?

all grown up.

silly adam with a finger 'stache.

sweet jade...almost a teenager but can still have fun like a kid. 

finger 'staches and a unibrow.

painting...well, everyone except for bria who claimed that she "preferred not to get messy".

bria, used crayons instead....

harper's best friends: bria and ayden

sweet merri...i loved watching her interact with everyone...such caution, such sweetness, such innocence.  she is a beautiful girl and i love her :)

favorite picture ever.

one of my favorite girls ever.

another of my favorite girls ever.

pin the 'stache on the man: harper's favorite part of the night because "everyone was laughing so hard".

i love harper's face in these next two pictures...she had the best time and her laugh just says it all.

emmi's plates...i asked her if the cake plate was hers and she started giggling uncontrollably and said, "yes. and this one. and this one. and this one. and this one."

beauty and the beast

bella was a big hit

happy 8th birthday harper faye.  i love you more than i could have ever imagined and watching you grow has been one of the biggest privileges of my life.  you are full of life and love.  somehow you manage to be an unlikely combination of an old soul and free spirit.  i know God has big plans for you...that's been clear from the beginning...but seeing you now makes the possibilities seem unbounded.  i love you.  yesterday, today, and tomorrow ever after.