rumors...

so...apparently there is a rumor going around a very small corner of the world (that happens to embrace my in-laws as well as my aunt, uncle, and cousins ) that i am pregnant...again...with number 5. 
let me first dispel that rumor... i am NOT pregnant. 
my father-in-law had someone approached him at church and he asked kyle and then me if the rumor was true.
then, my aunt called me and told me that 2 different people had approached my uncle and asked him if i was pregnant. 
not cool people.  not cool.
all this recent questioning of the condition of my womb has led to the following train of thoughts:

1. why wouldn't they just ask me if i was pregnant?! i mean, i was at church with them the week before...they could have asked then...it is not exactly a terrible question...we do have a reputation (4 kids and people think i am just waiting to sign up for my own TV show).
2. wait...they did just see me at church...does that mean i LOOK like i could be pregnant?!?!  the only thing worse then looking like you are pregnant when you are pregnant is looking like you are pregnant when you are NOT pregnant...
3. well, i suppose i have gained a little weight...but i didn't think that i looked pregnant...but maybe i do...i mean, calvary did tell me that i looked a little squishy and harper told me that it was okay that i looked a little squishy because i have "had 4 babies" "what do you expect?!" (thanks harper...i know you meant that to be encouraging) and oliver jack did tell me that when he looked underwater with his goggles that i looked fat...
4. but, i am only 5 lbs away from my weight i was shooting for...i am back in all my clothes before babies...
5. i wish people wouldn't speculate...i am so aggravated...i need a candy bar...or a biscuit.  stress eating my way out of this is the sure way to dispel those rumors...

sigh, this train of thoughts continues on and on until i either embrace the fact that people are ridiculously curious about the state of other people's families or...i starve myself. 

but, just so it is told...as if people haven't heard a million times before...NEVER, EVER ask a girl if she is pregnant unless you are 100% sure that she is definitely pregnant.  never.  ever. ever. ever. ever. ever. ever.