tough times part 2...

things have not been getting any easier for us at home with calvary and i sense that my own ability to maintain an upbeat attitude is crumbling as well.  i have definitely had moments that i have struggled with stamina in my role as calvary's mother but i feel like this has been the hardest i have had it.  just typing those words causes me a pang of guilt because as hard as i have had it i know that this is about calvary...not me...but honestly, sometimes i do feel sorry for myself. 
if raising an atypical child was an isolated experience it would be difficult.  however, the fact that raising an atypical child is rarely an isolated experience and in the case of my very large family it is far from isolated. 
i am left with questions about how to parent effectively.  i mean, i know that all parents are asking themselves that question, but the gaps in parental styles across the board for my children is far from the norm.  if i had 4 typical children (which i guiltily admit i have longed for deeply over the past few weeks) then i would have natural disparate methods for parenting those children.  one may respond to a firm word where another may need to lose a privilege or a thing.  one may need more cuddles while another craves independence.  i would have to recognize the personality differences between those children and instill our values based on how the best learn. 
but what am i supposed to do when an atypical child is thrown in the mix? 
how do i explain to my younger children that it is not okay to behave the way that calvary behaves when none of my parenting methods proves effective in either preventing or stopping the behavior? 
how do i diffuse the stress level of everyone as we walk around anticipating the explosion of my oldest son? 
how do i maintain a level of sensitivity to him while also being sensitive to the hurt he has caused others? 
how do i keep the stress of this from stealing my joy, my husband's joy, the joy of my children?
i have no clue how people go through stressful situations without the peace of Christ.  knowing that God is ultimately in control is my comfort.  i am praying that i can rest in Him while still doing what i need to be doing as calvary's mother. 
the hardest part is knowing that i am trying so hard and admitting that it is not working.