turning kid's art into clothing...

a few weeks ago i found a tutorial for feezer paper shirts on pinterest.  it caught my eye because it called the technique "the poor man's version of screen printing"; basically, it had me at "the poor man's".  with those simple words i knew i was in :)

the steps really were so incredibly simple and i had plenty of thoughts for subjects but when calvary started bringing home pictures of his latest obsession i knew that i had found my first freezer paper project! 

1. i purchased freezer paper from wal-mart (it was about $6.00 for a huge roll).  it has to be freezer paper and not wax paper. 
2. i then took calvary's drawing and traced it on to the freezer paper.  i had to make sure i drew on the dull part because the shiny part is what adheres to the shirt when ironed. 
3. once i had traced the picture i cut out the design using an exacto knife.  this is where it gets really tricky.  attention to detail is what counts.  i think this is also what makes a child's drawing really ideal for this project.  simplicity is key.  the more complex the drawing the more painstaking this process is.  i had to think like a negative for a photograph.  anything that i wanted to paint i had to cut out.  so i had to cut out tiny little eyes and eyebrows.  once i cut out the pieces i had to make sure i kept the pieces that came completely loose so that i could have a complete picture when i started to iron. 
4. once i cut out the design i placed the picture on the shirt.  i bought a shirt from target for $2.50.  i have also started collecting shirts for the other kids for future projects whenever i see them on sale.  i heated an iron on the highest setting without steam.  once it was heated i just ironed the the picture onto the shirt.  it didn't take much to have it adhere to the shirt.  i checked all the edges to make sure they were sealed completely.  i didn't want any paint sneaking through and ruining all the effort of step 3.
5. once i finished ironing it was time to paint!  i just used acrylic paint.  ideally i would use fabric paint but i didn't have any around and i wanted to keep investments to a minimum until i knew it would work.  i have since invested in fabric paint.  although the acrylic has held up through washing and drying so far...i painted over the entire drawing a total of 3 times.  i am not patient so in between coats i used a hair dryer to dry the paint enough to put on the next coat. 
6. once the paint was dry i peeled off the freezer paper and voila!  a shirt made from calvary's drawing! 

he loves it so much that he wants to wear it all the time.  kyle also wanted me to make him a shirt with some of calvary's artwork.  i love seeing him so excited and so proud of his own work. 
i need to remember to take a picture of him wearing it next time!

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. the way kyle smells when he gets out of the shower.
2. our new car!  (goodbye minivan :) )
3. the fact that i will not be driving a minivan when i turn 30 this year...i know, i know...who am i fooling anyway?  i have four kids...at this point age has nothing to do with numbers and everything to do with energy levels.  for that reason i think i am actually 65.
4. kyle's excitement about doing something he loves and is passionate about.
5. oliver jack's dark hair.
6. finley saying "mcdonald's".
7. having a picnic with my children.
8. naptime.
9. donut shop coffee for the keurig.
10. beautiful weather that leads to open windows and fans.
11. a good night's rest.
12. my parents coming up for lunch.
13. watching finley snuggle with calvary...he tolerates it as long as he can :)
14. harper reading books that i read as a much younger girl...i like seeing my name written in my handwriting from days of old in the cover of the books she is now reading. 
15. when people tell harper that she looks like me she doesn't cringe or act offended.  she smiles and looks at me with pride...melt this momma's heart.

a mother's love

the other day i had  a thought that i am sure millions of mothers have had before me.  oliver jack and i were having a conversation that i have with at least one of my children daily that goes a little something like this:
oliver jack: "mommy, i love you."
me: "i love you too"
oliver jack: "i love you more."
me: "no way!  i love you way more."
oliver jack: "hu-uh...i love you more."
me: "one day, when you have your own babies, you will say, 'she loves me that much?!?'"

after he took his lego plane that we just finished re-building for the 500th time i stood thinking about just how much i love him.  it was in that moment that i realized how tragic it is that the people that i love more than anything in the world will never love me in the same way.  but then i thought about how beautiful that is as well.  it is one of the few and rare moments that we as humans see true selflessness.  i love my children.  i will always love them.  i love them because of who they are.  i love them in spite of who they are.  i loved them they day they were born.  i loved them yesterday.  i love them today.  i will love them tomorrow.  and i will love them...forever.  my love for them has nothing to do with their love for me.  if i never received another hug or another kiss i couldn't love them any less.  my heart would break.  my heart has broken for them many times already.  their negligence has hurt my feelings and occasionally they have spoken hurtful words that has cut straight through to my core.  yet, my love has remain unscathed.  unconditional love doesn't even seem to touch what it is that i have for my children.  it doesn't seem enough.  i believe that my love for my siblings is unconditional.  i love them regardless of the situations in their lives.  i will stand beside them as they fight their own battles or accept consequences of their choices.  i will be there.  for so long this was my concept of unconditional love.  but my children have exposed the depths of love that i have never known before.  i can only imagine that this is the way that God loves us.  however, much like how my own concept of unconditional love was shattered, i believe that God's love is even more profound then even this love.  which blows my mind.  i cannot imagine a love greater...yet i believe it exists. 
i, no doubt, have had conversations with God that went very much like my conversation with oliver jack.  i have doubted his love for me and he has reassured me by saying "one day you will say 'He loves me that much?!'".

tough times part 2...

things have not been getting any easier for us at home with calvary and i sense that my own ability to maintain an upbeat attitude is crumbling as well.  i have definitely had moments that i have struggled with stamina in my role as calvary's mother but i feel like this has been the hardest i have had it.  just typing those words causes me a pang of guilt because as hard as i have had it i know that this is about calvary...not me...but honestly, sometimes i do feel sorry for myself. 
if raising an atypical child was an isolated experience it would be difficult.  however, the fact that raising an atypical child is rarely an isolated experience and in the case of my very large family it is far from isolated. 
i am left with questions about how to parent effectively.  i mean, i know that all parents are asking themselves that question, but the gaps in parental styles across the board for my children is far from the norm.  if i had 4 typical children (which i guiltily admit i have longed for deeply over the past few weeks) then i would have natural disparate methods for parenting those children.  one may respond to a firm word where another may need to lose a privilege or a thing.  one may need more cuddles while another craves independence.  i would have to recognize the personality differences between those children and instill our values based on how the best learn. 
but what am i supposed to do when an atypical child is thrown in the mix? 
how do i explain to my younger children that it is not okay to behave the way that calvary behaves when none of my parenting methods proves effective in either preventing or stopping the behavior? 
how do i diffuse the stress level of everyone as we walk around anticipating the explosion of my oldest son? 
how do i maintain a level of sensitivity to him while also being sensitive to the hurt he has caused others? 
how do i keep the stress of this from stealing my joy, my husband's joy, the joy of my children?
i have no clue how people go through stressful situations without the peace of Christ.  knowing that God is ultimately in control is my comfort.  i am praying that i can rest in Him while still doing what i need to be doing as calvary's mother. 
the hardest part is knowing that i am trying so hard and admitting that it is not working. 

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. unexpected notes of encouragement.
2. kyle calling kimberly to set up a hair appointment for me for valentine's day...he is so good to me.
3. making things for my kids.
4. my new-to-me cricut.
5. finley peeing in the potty.
6. finley singing along with any song she hears.
7. oliver jack crying for me when i am not home.
8. calvary's zen moment after taking a bath in the dark.
9. watching felicity on netflix.
10. my husband making music.
11. harper picking out valentine's from her collection to give to her siblings so that when she got in the car from school she had something for them.
12. cooking.
13. watching harper, calvary, and oliver jack play and laugh with their balloons.
14. harper giving finley piggy back rides.
15. oliver jack and calvary coming to snuggle with me after they have already been tucked into bed...i never turn away snuggling :)

tough times...

i, well more like we, have been going through a tough time lately.  i have had a difficult time discerning what i should put here and what i should keep to myself, not because i want to pretend like all things are rosey all the time...because they aren't and i am not good at doing that anyway...but because it isn't always about me. 
i wanted this blog to serve as a journal for my babies.  i wanted them to grow up and know how much i love them, how much i invest in them, how much i think about every single decision of every single day.  i wanted it to be a written account of the legacy i hope to pass to them. 
but at some point it is difficult for me to know what i should write here and what i should keep out and unfortunately i am an all or nothing kind of girl. 
thus the unintentional hiatus.
but after several weeks of thought and prayer i am hoping that i can find that balance.
calvary weighs heavy on my heart.
i cannot help but feel like i am slowly losing him.
i used to be his rock.  he never sought comfort with me but he would accept it.  but over the past few months i have watched him withdraw more and more into himself. 
in his own mind, calvary has always been up against the world.  he allowed me to be his teammate and advisor.  but recently he is pushing me away too. 
i have started reading the out of sync child and while it is incredibly insightful it is also heartbreaking.  i just feel so helpless. 
i know that i cannot be his rock.  i cannot be his comforter.  but i am not even sure that i know how to point him to the One that can be.  he already seems to turn to God, but in his darkest moments he is very much on his own.