to my momma...

dear mom,

you are so much like your dad. my grandfather. you are not quick to share your emotions and it is only when they can no longer be contained that we realize how deeply you felt. dad was always the talker. i know i got that from him. i am quick to share my emotions with anyone. but what i got from you is the intense love of a mother. and it has only been after these years of mothering that i realize all the years of heartache, stress, joy, and love that a mother endures. i also realized that i do believe i owe you an apology...

1. i am sorry for all those times that didn't realize how much thought you put into things that i took for granted because now i know how much that can hurt a mother's feelings.

2. i am sorry for the times i didn't appreciate the simplicity of the day because now i know how much joy just simply being with your children brings to the life of a mother.

3. i am sorry for the times i argued with my brothers because now i know the joy it brings to watch your children enjoy each other.

4. i am sorry for the times that i didn't tell you all that was on my mind because now i know how much a mother just wants to know the hearts of their children.

5. i am sorry for the times that i disappointed you because i know that a mother dreams of lives filled with happiness and void of pain for their children.

6. i am sorry for the times that i could have even for one moment thought that you would care about those moments of disappointment because now i know that all a mother truly cares about is the well-being of their children.

7. i am sorry for the times that i didn't call to tell you that i was okay or that i missed you or that i love you or that i need you because now i know that mother's live for those moments.

8. i am sorry for the times that i disrespected you because i know that those moments are difficult to forget and they hurt more than they anger.

9. i am sorry for the times that i chose my friends over you--whether it was in advice or company--because now i know that a mother is never ready to watch her children leave.

10. and i am sorry for being so independent because even though the world regards this as a good trait i now know that a mother feels most complete when they are helping their children.

29 years worth of apologies aren't really what you want though because the love of mother does not care about the moments of hurt they experienced at the casual negligence of their children; a true mother, like you, only cares about that child. where they are at that moment. and i want you to know that i am happy. my life is full. my heart is overflowing.

thank you.

and just so you know...i am okay. i miss you. i love you. and i need you.

i hope that makes you feel better. :)