time just keeps flying...

on wednesday calvary turned 4 years old. 4. on tuesday he was only 3. it is so difficult to process how my children aging effects me. on one hand i am excited about what the future holds. what will they grow up to be? what will be their strengths? what will be their weaknesses? but on the other hand, i am sad about the time that we have lost...the things that i have not done to take advantage of the boyhood. have i held him enough? have i colored enough pictures with him? have i made up enough funny stories with him? sooner than i would like, he will have no interest in me holding him and coloring pictures and playing with army men will be distant memories and birthdays remind me of that.

i want to be the best mother in the world and i want for my kids to remember their childhood with joy and say that they know without question that their mother enjoyed being their mother. birthdays are a time of reflection for me. i pray that i smile a little more everyday, laugh at their silliness, engage in their world, and just treasure each day more.

calvary was a gift to me 4 years ago and the fact that he has been entrusted to me blows my mind. all of my children challenge me and expand my vision of the world in different ways. harper challenges me with her independence and calvary challenges me with his vulnerability. God is funny how he gives people characteristics that can be either a strength or a weakness. calvary's vulnerability leads him to be incredibly family centered. calvary wants us all to be together. it doesn't matter what we are doing; he just wants us to "do something as a family". on the other hand, that same vulnerability makes it difficult for him to understand and be understood by other people.
this fourth year has been a good one and i always envision celebrating with grandiose measures. calvary is a much more low key kind of guy and enjoys the simple things in life a little more than others...cough cough harper...

he chose to celebrate his birthday at the mountains and so we had a little party for him there with the cake that he had picked out.

on his actual birthday i had this vision of him waking up to balloons and decorations and presents. i tried to keep all the details a secret, so i waited until the night before his birthday to buy the supplies. unfortunately, when i opened the door to the car calvary rushed out of the house to greet me and the entire glory of my bounty was revealed. the balloons. the bike. everything was laid out for him to see. all because i had forgotten to get my diet dr. pepper out of the back before i started home. sigh.

we still decorated, even though i was sufficiently bummed, and set up all of his gifts. he told me he would act surprised for me and the next morning he did just that and was thrilled for all of his presents.

after we dropped harper off at school our friends came over to spend the day. adam is a new friend to calvary, but he is like a gift from heaven for him....and me. they have so much fun slaying dragons, setting up camp outs, and making other enormous messes throughout the house and the best part is that adam is so invulnerable that he tolerates calvary's vulnerability with relative ease...unless calvary manages to punch him in the stomach a few days post op for singing...understandably, moments like this cause a bit of strain for even the most laid back of people. he's a real man's man. a tough guy. and after spending most of his days surrounded by me and harper, calvary needs some male companionship. someone to burp with and shoot things with. stuff boys do. (calvary's friend, adam....he's a real tough guy)

after we picked harper up we waited for kyle to get home so that we could head up to mom and dad's house for the birthday date. we dropped off "the kids" as calvary called them and went to red robin for a celebratory meal. the song and ice cream was a bit too much for him, but i could tell he secretly enjoyed it because even though he ducked into my lap i could see his grin.

we then headed out to bowling and the arcade.

in spite of the fact that a little boy followed us around the arcade telling us how easy all the games were or how difficult they were, we really enjoyed ourselves. calvary was genuinely happy and it did my heart good to see him so. we wrapped up the evening with gifts and hugs from nana and poppa and jade.

i hope that the happy simplicity of the beginning of this fourth year is a parallel to the year as a whole. i pray that we see many more days of genuine happiness and i am glad that calvary has taught me a few lessons in the truth behind the adage that sometimes less truly is more.