have i mentioned how much i love these kids???

oliver jack has passed through his 8th month of life with the same joy that he has had for all of his previous months. harper comes home from school and treats him like her own personal baby doll. she carries him from room to room, and honestly, the break she offers is incredibly refreshing. sometimes she will ask, "mommy, can i take jack-jack to my room?" at first i would tell her that i didn't think it was a good idea, but now, after i make sure all of the little bits and pieces of knick knacks that harper likes to collect have been removed from the floor, i welcome her request. calvary takes a little more no nonsense role with the baby. for harper, everything oliver jack does is sweet and cute. calvary will be quick to tell him, "if you drop that again I AM NOT GETTING IT! i am not playing a game!" a good balance, i think.

i have been trying to teach calvary that he is the oldest boy and therefore the "man" of the house while kyle is away. i want him to have a role that makes the middle child birth order seem a bit less important as he realizes how important he is to our family. right now his man of the house roles are to open the doors for everyone, find and destroy all insects that are in the house, protect his brother and sister (when she lets him), and get a job. bread winner for life! harper has a tough time letting calvary do things like open the doors, but i have tried to tell her that it is important that we teach calvary how to be a gentleman so that he will know how to treat his wife one day. it is also important that harper knows how to be treated like a lady.

harper has officially transitioned from preschooler to kindergartener with much more ease than i ever imagined. i do not like it. i do not like it one bit. but, i do like how much she is enjoying her class. her teacher has relayed that harper is very polite and well-behaved. i was so relieved to hear this because she had been acting like a loon once she got home, but i finally realized that by the time she got home she was so tired that she needed to let off some steam. one day as she got into the car she sat in her seat and looked at me and said, "it is tiring being good all day!" i bet.

i have had moments this week where i just look at my babies and my heart melts. even now, thinking about their sweet hearts and the their cute grins makes my eyes burn with tears. i know that one day i will miss how busy i am now. one day i will walk in to a grocery store by myself and instead of feeling relieved i will feel lonely and incomplete. one day i will go to the pool and think that it is all too quiet. one day i will go to bed at 9:00 not because i am exhausted but because there is nothing else to do. one day i will not have three children vying for my attention. but today i have their sweet arms wrapped around my neck and oliver jack's slobber on my check and i cannot let myself think about the time that is quickly passing; instead, i revel in the beauty of today...

harper was given a book by merriwether for her birthday called all in a day by cynthia rylant. the book reminds me that, "the past is sailing off to sea, the future's fast asleep. a day is all you have to be, it's all you get to keep." and watching harper start kindergarten, calvary step up to his gentlemanly duties with pride, and oliver jack approach his first birthday has me wanting the future to sleep deeper so that i can dig my heels in to today.

on God...

calvary--"does God live on the moon?"


___________________________________________________


after listening to some music...
harper--"are there really people that do not know about Jesus?"
kyle--"yea, and there are people that do not believe that he died on the cross for us."
harper--"oh, no...that means they will probably go to the place of punishment!"
kyle--"that is why it is our responsibility to tell them about Jesus."

kids..welcome to the real world.

harper and calvary met "frankie" on thursday of last week. he was a sweet little mouse that i refused, politely, to touch. calvary took to the mouse with the same adoration that many young boys take to creepy, crawly things. he carried the mouse in this little carrier around all night. if he went out to the garage to play, he took the mouse with him. it was calvary who dubbed the mouse "frankie". that mouse brought such laughter into the house and the only squeals that he warranted were squeals of delight.
now, "frankie" meet slick.

slick is the classroom pet in harper's new classroom. what better pet could any class ask for than a 3ft python with the cute little epitaph "slick"? the day after we bought "frankie" slick ate him. yes, it is true. both classrooms full of innocent little 5 year olds gathered around and watch the truth of nature unfold as the snake had his snack. harper came home later that night and retold the whole adventure with such gusto and excitment. she painted a picture of a stalking snake attacking his prey from the unusual feet first position and even educated us all on the snake's interesting digestive techniques which allows it to spit out all the fur and bones after it takes all that it needs from poor "frankie's" body. i worried that harper and calvary would get too attached to the mouse and that it might upset them that the mouse would be lunch for the snake. i told them from the very beginning that the snake was not a pet and that it would be eaten later.

i think the best part from the whole ordeal is the life lessons that my children have gained.

1. always take time to digest your food.
2. if you are going to be eaten in front of a large crowd of spectators, put on a good show.
3. in the words of harper, "you know what i learned today? i learned that snakes are not dogs or cats."

instead of saying what you really mean...

harper and calvary have become masters of insinuation. instead of simply stating what they truly mean, they give an odd little factoid that leaves no room to wonder what is the motivation. for instance, not too long ago, calvary found my dad preparing himself something in the kitchen one morning when he spent the night. it woud not be too crazy for calvary to ask nicely for something for breakfast as well, but i suppose, not wanting to be rude, calvary stated "sleeping sure does make me hungry."

calvary and i had a fun day today and i guess harper is beginning to notice that we do a little more while she is gone than sit around missing her. so today, on our way back from the grocery, harper said, "mommy, i don't really need to go to school. you know why? because i have school in my brain." ahhhh...so i see.

a little later tonight, after our children were supposed to be in bed, calvary came wandering in to the living room trying to find some reason to justify his nomadic quest. thinking quick, he looked at me (while i am eating a bag of sour patch kids) and said with the most pathetic look on his face, "i'm hungry." and as if i didn't get the insinuation, he adds, "and i love sour stuff."

quirky calvary...

calvary has taken to many odd behaviors lately. one of which is sleeping in various seasonal wardrobes. this particular day i walked in to wake him from his nap and found him sleeping in his gloves. on other days he has slept in his monkey toboggan, calling it his "sleeping hat". i am not bothered by these little oddities because at least he is sleeping! he can sleep in that space get up that buzz lightyear wears for all i care. the older he gets, the stranger his behavior....

can you read to your children too much?

harper (trying to explain why she had to do jump squats at school this time) :

"all i did was turn around to see what was going on behind me and flippity slippity-- rock my socks-- jump squats."

fun times at aunt sheila and guncle jimmy's house...

it came and went...

harper's big day went off without too much emotional turmoil. i packed her lunch, braided her hair, and made sure she had about 30 boxes of tissues. she was as ready as she ever could be.
once we arrived at the school she stayed about 5 feet in front of me so i was unaware of the anxiousness in her own face until we took this picture. i can tell that she is still a bit nervous, but all that quickly faded as we walked in to the classroom.her teacher had placed books at every chair so that the kids could come in and sit quietly while they wait for the class to begin. give harper a book and she is a happy kid. so, happily she sat.

i also managed to snag a picture of harper and her cubby-mate, emma. she's going to have so many friends!

'twas the night before kindergarten...

something tells me i may not be the only one a little restless about tomorrow.

from the mind of calvary...

(in a very serious tone) "mommy. mommy...our baby can't read."

[one too many infomercial commercials on the cartoon channel]


(to kyle last night while he changed the sheets)

"these pillows are dead. you're going to have to blow them up."

the cold hard facts...

the last pair of pants i bought before i found out i was pregnant with oliver jack were a gap size 4L.
i can pull them up to my just above my knees now...if i am lucky...and breathe just right.
tonight i bought a size 12.
i do not even want to do the math.

i am 5'8'' tall.
i weigh 157 lbs.
just thought the truth should be written. maybe if i see it in type i will do something about it.
hearty. just what every girl wants to be.

an echo of St. Augustine...

You.
Amena Brown

you find me when i'm hiding behind all my disguises
you see me.
it takes you to keep me breathing
you are heart
passion
vision
word incision
you send me and you bring me close
close, close, closer
until when you look at me you see you
you are heavenly
my present and future destiny
you are father
creator
sustainer
life changer
pride breaker
you are yesterday, today, and forever
you are pleasure
worth
reason
present in every season
you are worship
devotion
you are the reason for all of my commotion
you are the one that i pray to
you can tell that i'm nothing without you
so awesome that i can pray to you about you
to know you
to sense you
to believe you more
to love you more
to obey you more
to give you more of my heart.

oh God search me
know me
see me
examine me
test me
love me
watch me
protect me
show me
investigate me
be pleased with me
question me
keep me
change me
have me
correct me
take me
help me
create in me
break in on me
be my reality
sustain me
decrease me
decrease me
until there is no me left
only you
only you
only you

you are light
are true
are you
are hope
are love
are strength
are escape, rescue, safe
you are peace
you are belief
you are advance and retreat
of what, to what, to whom can i compare you?
you are my all things new
you are my place of refuge
you are my fortress
my rest
my creativity in the strength of your words to me
you are my ability to hear, feel, move, live, breathe, be
you are life and death all at the same time
you are friend
you are believer, savior, redeemer
you are today, tomorrow, and the next day
and the next day and the next day and the next day
you are truth
you transcend old age and you
you are timeless
priceless
lightness in darkness
greatness
goodness
sinless
and in a mess like my life you see righteousness
you leave me speechless
you alone are God.

as if i was unsure of my role...

Calvary: "i am the man of the house.

harper you can be the girl of the house...

(looking at me with uncertainty) mommy, you can be the cooker and the cleanerer."

a day fit for a princess...

in lieu of our usual party extravaganza, i decided that a day that celebrated harper and the things that make her her would be a nice change.

her day started with cupcakes made by her sweet brother. heart shaped, chocolate cupcakes...with sprinkles. the sprinkles were calvary's idea.

of course, first he had to drop an egg--splat---right on the floor. he has not quite mastered the skill of cracking an egg; at least we have made steps away from simply cracking it and throwing the entire thing, shell and all, into the mix.

after dropping the boys off at nana and poppa's house for their own adventures, harper and i headed off to sweet and sassy. she made her own lip gloss...

and had her hair and makeup done.

after which she made some birthday wishes at a nearby fountain.

all of which led up to the big event...

dinner at the melting pot!

harper's love for chocolate and propensity to be endeared by a gimmick led kyle and i to choose this location for her birthday dinner. she ate to the point of hibernation. she let out an actual groan as she reached to dip a strawberry into the milk chocolate haven in the center of the table.

after dinner we went to pick out her new bike. she had finally out grown her princess trike and she decided to give it to her sister. we bought a new 16 inch bike and my little mind thought that it would swallow my teeny tiny baby whole...the truth was a symbolic closing to the evening: my little girl is no longer a baby.

the birthday...

once a year i am reminded of the transformation my life has made in the most dramatic of ways. sure it is harper's birthday, but it is also the day that i became a mother. i will never forget that day. i held her in my arms and i could not believe that she had been placed in my care.

in so many ways i believe that God used harper as a saving grace. before i knew of her i was in an impossible situation. as much as i tried, or thought that i tried, i could not pull myself out.

i remember thinking that this pregnancy was the worst thing that could ever have happened to me. i was not proud of the person i was, but i could in so many ways hide away my sickness and be a reputable person to the outside. with this pregnancy i had to face my life head-on; no more hiding or pretending. if i had been born in another time i would have been suddenly whisked away to "a great aunt's farm" for a convenient 9 month visit. my mother may or may not have stuffed her shirt with a lumpy pillow to allow for the child's return. thankfully, my parents raised me with the security and responsibility to know that i could face this with their disappointed support and the knowledge that i had to be accountable to my own decisions. the love and support of my family is something for which i will forever be grateful.

harper's has a personality of steel. i believe that God gave her confidence and independence as a symbol that He put her in this life to transform those around her...because we were the ones that needed to be changed. well, mostly me.

just about the time that i notice the haunting self-righteousness of my youth creep in, another birthday comes around and i watch as the smoke of a flickering birthday candle swallows up that pride--not in a bad way, but in a way that makes me remember how much i need God.

i thank God for these birthdays and for the person he has allowed me to be as a result of my sin. how perfect is God that he allows consequence to also be the most amazing blessing of life. i am humbled by His mercy. i am shaken by His power. and i am grateful for His love.

tomorrow is the big day...

my little girl turns 5...

More tough questions

Me(Daddy): Harper, what are you going to do if a boy at school tries to kiss you?

Harper: Run?

Me: What if you think he is cute and you like him?

Harper: Kiss him and then run?

I am hoping Calvary's rock throwing skills come in handy soon after I find out about anyone's lips getting near Harper.

this one is for uncle wayne...

oliver jack's first ice cream cone.

painter's homemade ice cream.

when you ask the tough questions....

...be prepared for tough answers.


me (trying to help calvary take pride in his role as the oldest boy in the house): what should you do if someone tries to be ugly to harper or oliver jack?

calvary: throw rocks at them.

me (suggesting less violent methods of protection): or you could say, 'excuse me, you are not going to treat my sister that way.'

calvary: or i could throw rocks at them.


lesson learned: do not mess with calvary or his brood.

evangelism by tots...

me: "calvary, who is this?"

calvary: "baby God."

me: "well, baby Jesus."

calvary (with a look of certainty and air of annoyance): "Jesus is God...so...it is baby God."

touche.