it's a boy!!!!

Our little boy with his fingers interlocked--the nurse said it looks like he is praying...

This is the only time that his hands were not together...

This one is not in 3-D, but his little hands are still together...

hands together once again....sweet boy.

Kyle said that all we need out of this series is one of baby covering his ears: here we have him covering his mouth...

and here he is covering his eyes...

all of this in a birthday????

we are approaching harper's 4th birthday and her birthdays are always a time where i think, like any mother, back to the day of her birth. seeing how this is normally a very nostalgic time for me it seems strange that i have also gotten back in touch with some friends from college that i have not spoken with since i graduated from college...four years ago. most are surprised to hear how i am doing and most have questions lingering in every statement made. when i think back to my pregnancy, delivery, and first year of harper's life i suppose i would be shocked to learn what i now know as well.

i've learned that while we all find God's ways mysterious or at least perplexing that He most certainly is the most consistent being ever to exist. every sentence within scripture is perfectly placed...every life is perfectly written...every civilization serves its perfect purpose. at the time and instance that scripture, life, or civilization may seem to be desperatley far from God's mercy and even more equivocally separated from redemption but in God's perfect consistency He shows himself just and forgiving...

we began a study on exodus marking the birth and life of moses. something that stephen summers said really impacted my heart as a true connection to the human (or at least my own) nature. he said that the situation for the Israelites in Egypt had to become increasingly awful because they came from such desolation and famine that even though they were in bondage they saw themselves as thriving. even when their situation became so awful that they finally did leave, they still thought about returning the their previous awful situation...the israelites had been promised a promised land and yet they were content to stay in Egypt. God, who is faithful, was going to fulfill his promise.

no human is ever perfect in any story. every character in the bible had their flaws. every person we meet is never truly hero or victim, just somewhere in between. i not only had to be able to offer forgiveness but be forgiven as well. God's forgiveness is swift; it is human forgiveness that takes longer. my life is definitely far from conventional, and even more so harper's life is far from conventional. but harper is blessed, and someday she will know it, to have so many people who have put aside their own moments of victimization or heroism to simply love her and through that love find a way to love each other.

her birthday will forever symbolize to me a new beginning. not only is it the day that i became a mother, but it is also the day that i began to wrestle with God and eventually find God through offering forgiveness, receiving forgiveness, and seeing redemption through the life of a child. there is not a day that i wake up that i do not realize how blessed we all are, and i pray that harper's life continues to mirror the consistent mystery of God's character.

all of this reminds me of a selection from St. Augustine's Confessions that also happens to be one of my most favorite selections from all literature. to me it captures the wonder and beauty of God's seemingly paradoxical nature:

"What art Thou then, my God? what, but the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? or who is God save our God? Most highest, most good, most potent, most omnipotent; most merciful, yet most just; most hidden, yet most present; most beautiful, yet most strong, stable, yet incomprehensible; unchangeable, yet all-changing; never new, never old; all-renewing, and bringing age upon the proud, and they know it not; ever working, ever at rest; still gathering, yet nothing lacking; supporting, filling, and overspreading; creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking, yet having all things. Thou lovest, without passion; art jealous, without anxiety; repentest, yet grievest not; art angry, yet serene; changest Thy works, Thy purpose unchanged; receivest again what Thou findest, yet didst never lose; never in need, yet rejoicing in gains; never covetous, yet exacting usury. Thou receivest over and above, that Thou mayest owe; and who hath aught that is not Thine? Thou payest debts, owing nothing; remittest debts, losing nothing. And what had I now said, my God, my life, my holy sweetness? or what saith any man when he speaks of Thee? Yet woe to him that speaketh not, since those that speaketh most say nothing at all. "

teaching kids to be considerate...

...sometimes backfires.


wednesday was kyle's birthday and i took harper and calvary with me to go shopping because they go with me everywhere :) as i was trying to find something for him, harper kept asking for things for herself. "can i get a new barbie?" "i want some more markers." "i want..." "can i...?" all of the questions and statements carried on and on every couple of minutes until i finally told her that we were there shopping for something for kyle's birthday. i tried to stress the importance of thinking about other people before ourselves and she quieted down for a little while.


the next day i had to go and finish getting a few last minute items that were at the mall. as we went from store to store, i stopped in a store to shop for something for myself. as i picked up an item harper looked at me with disgust and said, "we are NOT supposed to be thinking of ourselves right now!" she continued to tell me that the day was about kyle and not about me and that we should remember to think of others. she was right. sigh.


i left empty handed; but i am secretly proud :)

this is basically the quizzical expression i received while my hands were full merchandise; the teacher became the student...

a guy's guy...

Daddy and Calvary---spiderman and batman; it doesn't get more masculine than that.

in the past few months calvary has really started attaching himself to the males in our lives. this has been a bit of a shock for me because i am used to my children wanting me! i mean come on, i am the one that did all of the carrying, bearing, feeding and all i want in return is to be the favorite. i don't think that is too much to ask. i say that jokingly because it has truly been so much fun to watch how calvary really looks up to and imitates the males in his family. obviously it is heart warming to watch calvary imitate and follow kyle around. every morning i go to his room and he says, "i want daddy!" and most of the time i have to tell him that daddy has already left for work, to which he responds, "he will be back soon." if he gets hurt and he has the option between myself or kyle he always cries for daddy. i have been reduced to the parent that he wants only as a form of manipulation of emotion. ie: kyle fusses at calvary; calvary wants mommy. i thought that if this would ever happen i would be sad, but it has truly brought to joy to my life. i want for calvary to grow up and be an awesome man of God, so who better to imitate at this stage in his life than his daddy. kyle is such an amazing example of what a man should be; he is loving to both his children and his wife, he is a provider, he is a protector, and he loves God and strives to follow Him in all that he does. if calvary could grow up to be exactly like his father my heart would burst with joy because i would know that he is a man of integrity...

calvary has also relished the time he spends with my brother, Nicholas. who has also grown into a great spiritual example of obedience and discipline...he is also fun. of course calvary loves his poppa and granddaddy; both of these men continue to teach calvary (and the rest of us) how to be pillars of strength and love in their families. the man that harper and calvary have lovingly called poppy is another man that calvary just adores. rhett has loved both harper and calvary with a love with which i only imagined a family could have, and perhaps that is why rhett and julie seem more like family than good friends. some mornings he wakes up and says, "i want go to poppy's house." too bad all of these people have jobs! i love to hear the excitment in his voice when he hears he has the chance to hang out with any of these men. i know that he needs his mother, but there are some lessons in life that only a man could provide their son. i am so pleased that my son has so many awesome examples to follow and watch...so even though he may refuse to hold my hand, at least he is reaching out to the hands of these awesome examples! Poppa with Harper's birthday tutu on his head---Poppa is usually chasing, pushing, tickling, pulling wagons, or doing numerous other crazy antics that make it difficult to catch him in a photograph!

Calvary and Uncle Nick---good looks run in the family--so do tattoos and crazy hair.Calvary blowing bubbles with granddaddy...

eew and geww not ooooo and ahhhh....

sometimes i get so caught up in the ooey gooey part of parenting that i am totally sideswiped by the grimy part. don't get me wrong. i love being a mom. i think i have been living for this part of my life my whole life. and the funny thing is that i never really put much thought into having my own kids one day or being married and all of that nonsense and now at age 26 i am a married mother of (almost) 3. crazy.
i never like to admit that being pregnant effects my mood. however, after the past 3 weeks pregnancy mixed with exhaustion is the only plausible explanation for the overwhelming sense of being overwhelmed.
we have been helping my little brother with a soccer clinic that he has organized through his church in mooresville, nc. so after a week of vacation we dove straight into driving to mooresville three times a week (45min-1hr drive) to coach soccer and teach godly principles to 8-10 year old kids. it really has been fun, but i am 4.5 months pregnant and running around in cleats playing soccer! the kids have really had it too...usually they are in bed by 8:00pm but for the past three weeks it is sometimes more like 9:30 or 10:00. so our little family is in dire need of a return to pre-vacation normalcy.
monday morning i threw my hands up and thought to myself "i am the most ineffective mother in the world! my children are going to grow up to be wild, disrespectful maniacs and i am the one to blame!" i was at what people describe as their wits end (whatever that means, but i was there).
i took harper and calvary to the library to sign up for summer reading and we were having a great time until....
harper said she wanted to look at some books and i told her sure, after we clean up the crayons and puzzles. she proceeded to ignore me and headed straight for the books. i calmly reminded her and she calmly headed straight toward the books. this continued until she eventually just as calmly grabbed a book from the shelf. not knowing what else to do i simply picked her up and said that we were leaving. and we left.
that man is famous for saying "don't sweat the small stuff" but i personally think that he is an idiot. with a child it is all small stuff. they are small. harper, by all accounts, didn't committ any grave sin. she had a fantastic attitude...a fantastic attitude about completely and willfully rebelling against what i had said should be done as a prerequiste to what she wanted to do.
spilling blueberries is small stuff.
spilling blueberries because you are being defiant is another deal.
however all of this sweating can lead to fatigue and dehydration. i truly felt like i was failing. i came home and picked up a book off of my bookshelf that i have had for ages and ironically should have read it before monday because the title is Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. the irony is that i felt like i had already lost mind. after praying for patience and guidance i sat down and read...
the wonderful thing about reading instruction pulled directly from scripture is that we all know what it is going to say. but like everything concerning God, sometimes we need to hear it all again just to be comforted by the message...don't give up the good fight. it may sound weird to compare raising children to a battle but once that age of defiance sets in even the most precious darlings are rooted in fallen humanity. and those cherub faced fallen ones are only part of the battle. the other part rests in the much older--stretched out faces of their fallen parents. sometimes we want to scream and shout. sometimes we want to spank. sometimes we want to crawl in a hole and just retreat. enroll them in dance, soccer, sunday school, preschool...anything to find a way out of doing what God has instructed us to do for our children...raise them without causing resentment and wrath through loving discipline.
after harper poured green rainwater sand on calvary's head i had had enough. i told harper in anger (and retreat) that they were bathing and then she was going to her room. i put calvary in the bath and harper in the shower and sat down and read ephesians 6 and i felt so convicted. even though i did not scream and shout i was letting my fatigue keep me from showing harper loving discipline. i got her out of the shower and read this passage to her. i explained both parts: the instruction for the children as well as the parents. i told her we both had work to do and then we prayed. her prayer went like this, "dear God thank you for the day and help me to listen better and give mommy patience, amen." it was sweet. and let me know she listened.
of course not all is oooo and ahhhh sometimes we have eeeeww and gewww moments and i think those moments are the moments that although they are painful and difficult teach me to prepare my children to be adults that can live in the face of their own battles...choosing good over evil.

i recommend both books to any parent, some may feel they will never need it. i sure didn't. others may be past the point of children...but sometimes it feels good to read something that says you aren't totally screwing up. i said both books because the other is the Bible...excellent read...two thumbs up.