friday's musings...

i have missed taking the time to put down in words the things that made me happy this week...so, i am back at it.
these are the things i am loving about this week:

1.  the fact that the temperatures here have maintained at mid 70s...making it feel a little bit like christmas...plus, it is really nice not to sweat while i eat.
2.  watching alba shiver when it gets to mid 60s in the evening.
3.  the dream i had about my granny last night.  i woke up this morning forgetting that she was gone...it was a sweet time remembering her.
4.  typing this list with a baby on my lap...makes me remember all the blog posts i wrote with finley on my lap.
5.  finley's dance moves for her christmas program.
6. peeking in the kids' classrooms to see them playing, singing, or dancing with the other kids.
7.  finley's spanish...when she gets mad, she lights into people with the ferocious spanish of a telenovela...pretty impressive.
8.  the christmas tree, the snowflakes from the ceiling, the decorations....everything that makes it feel a little bit like normal here.
9.  i haven't had a soda to drink in about 2 weeks...can't remember exactly how long, but i am happy about it.
10. dorky jokes.
11.  watching the movie "The Holiday"...one of my favorites.
12.  oliver jack telling me that he is sad that he is turning 6 because he knows it makes me a little bit sad.
13.  only having 2 or 3 complete spanish goof ups this week.
14.  family dinners with lots of crazy people around the table.
15.  harper taking broccoli and cheese soup in the largest container i have ever seen with zero hesitation to school..she is the bravest person.
16.  oliver jack's advice to calvary on how to deal with a bully: "bite him."
 17.  life calming down just enough to sit for a few minutes in the morning and have coffee.
18.  having a house full, full of people to love.

Mothering...

"i've discovered that this act of mothering is my worship to Him right now; dying to self & delighting in them...there is failure, oh yes it is messy and sloppy sometimes, yet forgiveness and grace and growing."

~lovelyn palm

this quote...
this quote speaks to my heart.
it is loving and delighting in these children...mine and the ones that are only mine for now...that i am choosing to worship the Lord.
it is not through being a mother that i am worshiping the Lord; it is through the act of mothering.

mothering isn't just for mothers.

i've watched our volunteers teach the babies that come into our care what a mother's love feels like. they have never been mothers themselves yet they pour the love that was poured into them into the lives of these little ones...they delight in every smile, giggle, and do not even flinch at the poopy diapers or midnight feedings...

my children...they blow me away with their gentle spirits and loving hearts.  finley says, "we need to love them so that their mamas can learn how to love them, right? they didn't know how, so we need to teach them, right mama?" calvary wants to take pictures of every body so that he can remember them for always.  oliver jack....he is just the most pure and sweet love.  and harper...we knew she was born for this.  she always tells me that she is going to live here forever.  i don't doubt her.

this is how the Lord is asking me to worship Him.

in the middle of the messy and sloppy i am surrounded by forgiveness, grace, and growing...and it has been some of the most beautiful moments of my life.

the moon will stand still...

I never thought of my life as especially easy.  I made a series of choices early on that set life up to be  little more difficult.  I am 32 years old and I have been married for 10 years and I have 4 children under 10...1 of those children we share with her father...another one of those children has special needs...and one of those children is Oliver Jack ;)
Harper, one day while discussing her age and our years of marriage, told someone, "Most people get married first and then have children...but my parents like to do things the complicated way."  The frankness of her conversation left the other person a little surprised, but we try not to hide from the uncomfortable or the ugly around here.  I know that God is light and therefore whatever I hide away in secret I inadvertently try to hide from the Lord.  I want the Lord to have full access to my life...my successes, though they are few, as well as my mistakes, though they are many...all are for Him to use for his glory.
I have cried many tears over my children and I am certain I will cry many more.  A mother's love is deep, wide, and tragically imperceptible of the future.  Most of my tears for them has been rooted in my fear and lack of control of their futures.
I have never had to worry about their present.
Stepping into this life has been something that I never could have understood.  I have read books, looked at pictures, and heard the stories about what it means to do what we do here...but, every day I am faced with a new challenge.
Last week ended with me being the most exhausted I have ever been in my life.  I could say that it is not getting enough sleep or taking the time to eat like I should...but I believe it was more a spiritual and emotional exhaustion I was feeling.
I wrote my friend and told her that I was exhausted...And her response was "I am praying that the moon will stand still and you will get sweet sleep..." I didn't realize just how tired I was until I read those words and my eyes filled with tears...she then, sweetly and not pontifically, directed me to the sweet promises from the Lord that say "Come unto me and I will give you rest."
How much have I been trying to do on my own?
His yolk is easy and his burden is light...but learning to do this with Him and not just for Him has been tiring.
Last week involved hours upon hours at the cancer foundation.  I wish that I could truly put into words the beauty and desperation of that place.  This foundation is such a gift...people come from all over Honduras to receive quality cancer treatment for their children...but some are very poor and have to sleep outside the hospital and wait for it to open if they have two appointments on days back to back.  They cannot afford to take a bus home only to return the next day and they definitely cannot afford to stay in a hotel...the only safe option is to sleep inside the gates of the public hospital...with their very sick child.  Once inside the foundation, we are surrounded by sparkling white cleanliness and happy, colorful pictures...and families, that cannot afford bus fare or hotels, are given chemotherapy and outstanding care.  They either cannot afford blankets or jackets, or they did not bring them with them, so they visibly shiver while undergoing treatment and recovering from anesthesia or they cover up with small hand towels.  Yesterday, as a 11 year old boy woke up from anesthesia he began to panic because his father had left to go buy medicine to be administered by the doctors...and he was crying and shivering...all I could do was tell him that his father would be back soon and I wrestled with whether I should offer my sweater.  I didn't want to offend him or make him uncomfortable...but he was so cold that his whole body was shaking.  After a few moments, I just decided that I was going to risk embarrassing him just so he could be warm and I walked over and covered him up with my sweater.  He just looked at me, smiled and snuggled under my sweater and drifted back off to sleep.  I see so many things that I wish that I could share but I don't...mostly because I don't have the words but also because the memories without the experience do not justly portray the picture.
I find myself loving this country and the people.
Most everyone here is working the absolute best that they can with what they have.
I have been in a hospital surrounded by people who speak only Spanish and I didn't think to prepare for medical terms in Spanish and specifically in areas concerning childhood Leukemia.  Yet, almost everyone has been patient with me...They remove their masks to speak to me because I told them I cannot understand when their mouths are covered and the words are muffled...and they gladly, without frustration, oblige.  The military police, with their intimidating guns, allow me in with much less interrogation.  And the doctors are beginning to realize that despite my gringo appearance, I actually do understand and I am capable of hearing the consultation and be given directives on what needs to be done.
But mostly I just do it.  I see what I see, I hear what I hear, and I just do it.  Because it is where the Lord has me right now and because I sit at night and I think about how the Lord knew....just knew that this little boy was dying in the orphanage behind his smile and sweetness...and because if I wasn't, if we weren't, who would?
But I cannot forget that the Lord is asking  insisting, on being involved in the process...no one is strong enough to do it without Him.
At the beginning of this week, a new little girl was brought to our house.  Her story is her own but she did not come from an orphanage...I knew the night was going to be long because she didn't know me at all.  We had shared a meal together and I brought her a cup of milk.  That was the extent of our relationship.  And now she was supposed to go to sleep.  I knew she would spend time grieving and I honestly prepared for the whole night to be a cycle of crying, sleeping, and crying again...and when the tears started the Lord prepared me to know that I could not comfort her...just to be with her.
She cried like nothing I have ever seen before.  I would hold her and then she would push out of my arms..I let her go because I didn't want her to see my arms and trying to be forceful.  She would walk to the door and cry and look out the window for someone and then she would come back to me and take my hand and lead me to the door.  I would tell her that we are staying here and that everything was okay.  She would crawl back into my arms only to not find comfort there and push herself down back to the ground in frustration.  I would sit on the floor beside her so that she would know that she wasn't alone and eventually she would crawl into my lap for a bit to cry.  This cycle happened over and over again for an hour or so and then all of a sudden she hopped up, pointed to the bedroom and told me she was ready to sleep.  I put her in her bed and laid beside her until she went to sleep.
That night was the most angry I have been in a long time.  I prayed that Lord would give me compassion on the circumstances that led her to be in our home that night, but I just couldn't find it.  I prayed that the Lord would wrap her in His peace and help her find comfort.
But I was just tired.
This world is broken and I felt like I was picking up the pieces.  I felt angry at the situation and I knew that I needed the Lord to refresh my spirit.  But this world is hard.
I have never worried about my children's present.
But these children...I was taking on the worry for their present and it is new and harder than anything I have ever experienced.
The Lord is faithful though and the she slept sweetly and woke up happy.  Our ROOM volunteer down the road walked in and immediately felt the Lord pulling her to care for this little one while we find her a more permanent foster home.  She has been doing wonderfully there and since we are only down the road from each other we get to see her quite a bit.
I love watching how love transforms lives.
It is like fuel reminding us of how and why we step into the impossible and the ugly.
God's love transforms our lives everyday and that happened through Jesus coming and living among us and obeying God's directive to die on the cross.
In a matter of months Kyle and I have gone from living alone with our four children to being the transition home parents of 8 children.  We also have 2 full time volunteers (one of which is leaving Saturday *boo*) and Jesus's caretaker Kacey living with us.  At any given point we can have our neighbor Alba and her 2 children and 2 ROOM foster children and our other ROOM caretaker Kaylie and her 2 foster children in our home as well.  It is busy and full and our family dinners are growing large and loud.  But those family dinners are the moments when I sit back and I see love.
We aren't at the hospital or being distracted by the needs of the moment...we are simply sitting together and sharing a meal...and I see the faces of those who have all taken different paths to be at our table and I notice how love is transforming them.
Alexander is fat.  Love did that ;)
Jesus is loud and strong and never stops eating.  Love did that.
Judah is smiling and laughing.  Love did that.
Anthony is feeling the freedom to feel what he feels.  Sometimes he is happy, sometimes he doesn't feel like being happy...but he has the freedom to feel what he feels...unconditionally.  Love did that.
Every child and adult around that table wears the transformation of Love.
Sometimes those moments are like the moon standing still for me.  Time freezes and the Lord refreshes my spirit.  He reminds me that I am not doing this *for* Him; I am doing it *with* Him.
No matter what crazy situation is thrown at us, Leukemia, abandonment, birth defects, or 4lb 1 month olds that wear diapers smaller than anything I could have ever thought was real...we have been asked to Love and we have been told that we will have trials.. but to take heart...because the creator of the universe has overcome the world....
So this week I am thankful for moments where the moon stands still, for friends that encourage me to find rest in the Word, and a "family" so large that we take up a whole Pizza Hut...

Most of these faces are in our ROOM family home at any given moment...a full house.

ROOM diapers...the smallest on the right is worn by a little guy cared for by our friends and fellow transition home family...

sweet Anthony...not always so sweet...but he is a fighter!  

Kyle and I just holding a couple of crying babies...we are clearly not amused.  

no baby has ever been loved as well as babies loved by Oliver Jack...

all the little guys love Calvary...I love watching how Calvary's love grows through realizing that there are different ways to love a child other than simply holding or hugging...which is not really his thing ;)

tiny 4lb baby foot...nothing speaks to me of the sanctity of life than seeing the details and perfection of something this tiny...He technically should still be living inside his mother and his skin on the extremities is almost translucent but he is perfectly and wonderfully formed...I have never held a person so tiny.

Brazos de amor...

"Brazos de amor"... these are the words written on the hospital clothes that I put on the little boy that I had only brought into my house only 5 days before.  The significance of these words shot like a knife through my exhausted spirit and I just finally released myself to cry.  

This is Anthony.  He has a smile that captures the attention of anyone that sees it and he is so generous with that smile that he never meets a stranger.  The first time I met Anthony he was handing his extra banana to another little girl..."ey! muchacha! mira!"...he then handed the banana to her and continued to play. He had me at, "ey!".... I had heard of Anthony prior to my visit to the public orphanage because he had already captured the hearts of our volunteer, Katlyn, as well as Kyle.  It didn't take much for me to follow suit and my heart just melted into a puddle of love for him.  

In the weeks prior to us bringing Anthony home, the Lord was preparing Kyle and I to become a transition home as one of our largest responsibilities here with R.O.O.M. It was becoming obvious that our hearts were kind of made for this type of love and we already had Alexander in our home for his entire 2 months of life so far as well having Jesus and his amazing caretaker Kacey living with us. It only seemed natural to continue to add to our home.  My only thoughts when talking with Tara and Johana about the ages of the kids we could bring into our transition home was that I wanted children that needed less individual, extra attention.  Babies require A LOT of one on one adult care..Estrella and Jesus require A LOT of extra care.  With all of our other responsibilities within R.O.O.M. as well as our family's needs, I requested to bring older children into our home that would be looking to transition out into permanent families.  

We specifically asked for Anthony.  

The Lord laughs at using what we think we need to be used how He wants us to be used.  

The day Tara, Johana, and Bekah brought Anthony into our home was a happy day.  Although 6 kids were given the okay to be removed from the public orphanage into R.O.O.M. foster families or transition homes, only 2 made it out that day...Anthony and Judah, the 11 week old baby, were placed in our home.  

The first thing we noticed after bringing Anthony into our home, after loving on him and showing him around, is that the slight quirk Katlyn originally noted in his leg that had turned to a true limp was now a debilitating issue that kept him from most mobility.  I also noticed that the Lord gave me the freedom to pour into him in ways that I had not felt free to love with the other children who were transitioning through our home.  I also noticed that the Lord clearly gave Anthony the same freedom to love me in return.  

2 days after he came into our home we took him to the doctor for a basic check up as well as to ask specifically about possible need for OT or XRays needed for his hip.  

While at the doctor, he delivered the initial blow that this smiling, happy boy was the sickest child we have had.  

He initially thought the connection between the cough and leg pain was tuberculosis.  He also suspected that it could be a bacterial infection in his hip that may have need surgery.  

Our hearts were devastated by these potentials and we prayed to know what was best for this sweet boy.  The following day we went to get the results from the tests and the doctor took one look at his blood work and told us that Anthony has Leukemia.  

I immediately cried.  The doctor told us of a foundation here that we could begin treatment and began to tell us what a gift from the Lord that Anthony was removed from the orphanage and would have devoted caretakers to help him through this battle.  

And this is where I realized that the Lord used what I thought I needed in order to have us fight for what He knew.  He knew that Anthony needed to be in a family.

Babies are the ones that generally struggle the most in the public orphanage.  The attention that they need is difficult for the understaffed, overcrowded orphanages to properly serve and the babies suffer as a result.  Our Scarlet Project normally only brings out the children in need of extra attention or struggling with health needs.  Our transition homes offer another area of orphan care by offering homes for children that are adoptable or could be placed in foster families.  Little did we know that when we were bringing Anthony into our home as a candidate for our transition home program that he would actually be one of our precious Scarlet Project children.

I asked Kacey one night why it seems that the Lord keeps bringing children into R.O.O.M.s care that need special care and her response was perfect, beautiful, and true...she said, "We are called to serve the least of these...and that is what we are doing."

So, Monday morning, only 5 days ago and only 5 days after Anthony first came in our door, we walked into a pediatric cancer clinic.  Our day was long and the things we saw in that clinic I will never forget.  I comforted him, held him, and prayed over him as I would have for my own children...because in this moment, the Lord has entrusted him in my care...

It was that truth that brought the tears to my eyes when I read the words "Brazos de Amor" inscribed in the seam of his clothes..."Arms of Love"...that is what the Lord is asking me to be for Anthony.  

Before I read those words, I held him in my arms as he cried and screamed to crawl into my arms after his lumbar puncture...That smiley boy laid there on the table and I thought, "I can't do this...it's not supposed to be me..."

But because the Lord knew it, he finds comfort in my arms...

The beauty of the Lord continues to astound me...the fact that this precious child is so intimately known...the fact that the Lord provides...the fact the Lord entrusts us with his most precious creations to show His love...all reduces me to realize that it is supposed to be me...because it is supposed to be all of us.  

So. five days ago we entered the hospital as a team.  Anthony, my family and I, our volunteers, and our organization are in this together.  By the grace of God, Anthony is not fighting this alone...

We are surrounded by warriors... the lady in this photo is on her knees every night praying for every child fighting cancer alongside her daughter.  The staff openly suggests for the parents and caregivers to pray and ask the Lord for His help...they are quick to remind us that we "falta nada" (lack nothing)...I love that about this country...a public hospital openly serving the Lord.  

So our team is forming...I have had the honor of standing by him during the day in the hospital and Bekah and Johana have shared the honor of standing by him in the evening...Everyone at home has helped maintain order and is graciously picking up what we are having to lay down...we are all in this together..

And the team grows on to doctors and donors...oh me...what a gift of life blood donors are...after 1 pint of blood and 2 bags of platelets, Anthony was a different boy.  If you have ever given blood...this is a thank you from me to you!  

As I paused to think what to write next I heard Anthony say, "Cassie! Listo?" and I turned around to see that crazy big smile and him give me a thumbs up...

How perfect is that?!?  

Yes, we are ready, my love...I am ready because the Lord goes before us.  He is ordaining our steps and I have never known that or trusted it more than I have over the past few months...and the best thing is knowing that we are more than conquerors in Him...

This is definitely the face of a champion.

If you would like to join our team and help support the cause please consider donating to R.O.O.M.s Scarlet Project that pays all the healthcare costs for all the children in our program.  Every surgery, every medicine, every doctor visit is paid for by donations to this program.  

And for 10 more days, every donation will be matched by a generous donor.  So $10.00 becomes $20.00, $100.00 becomes $200.00...all the way up to $15,000!  

Donate to the Scarlet Project to help pay Anthony's medical bills.

their stories...

“A million is just a statistic until you meet one…”

Never has it been more clear to me that my life is not my own than in this current place in time.  I have moments where the lack of control sends me into a tail spin…I want to know what will happen next; I want to plan for future…and the uncertainty makes it impossible to plan for lunch let alone anything farther. 

However, there is also a peace that I have never known before at any other point in my life. 

I can feel God’s presence like never before.

I can sense Him leading me and directing me. 

The peace of God draws me to Him. 

It was His voice that has whispered to my heart things that do not make any sense in the moment only to realize days later that His Providence is perfect if only I still myself to listen. 

A little over one month ago, I picked up a statistic and held that number in my arms.  In that moment, all of the numbers melted away and I saw him.  

His name is Alexander. 

It was not a name picked out through months of perusing books or family histories…

it was a name picked out by the women who started his abandonment paperwork. 

We, by God’s design, were at the INFHA offices to learn about the foster parent process by watching another family sign paperwork allowing them to be a substitute family.  We watched as he was carried in a pile of towels by a Honduran police officer…it was a sight like none I have ever seen…machine gun draped carelessly against his back while he held this baby wrapped in towels like a casserole. 

My heart immediately wanted to know this child’s story.  Where was he going?  Where has he been?  What is going to happen to him? 

Tara, who is known for her persistence when it comes to fighting for these children, also wanted to know his story and where he was going.

While we waited to find out his story, we met another little boy around 6 years of age.  He had been found in the park.  He was giddy and silly and wanted to run and play.  We had all of our kids with us as well as Tara’s son, Josef, so we look like a fun crowd…we asked if he could come and play with us outside and the overwhelmed office ladies gladly obliged our request. 

His name is Chico. 

Chico is missing both his front teeth, like Calvary.  He laughs at silly jokes and loves pizza.  The coke he was drinking seemed like a bad idea, but he certainly enjoyed it! I am not sure most of his story, but I do know that he is at the public orphanage now instead of sleeping in the park where he was found.  And although the public orphanage is no place for a baby, it is very much a better place for a boy of his age compared to sleeping in the park. Every time we visit there he remembers us and plays with our kids. 

Alexander was supposed to go to the public orphanage that day.  We were supposed to drive him there. 

Tara was not going to let that happen without a fight.  Babies have a very difficult time at the public orphanage because of the high number of special needs children that they have there.  Babies need more attention than most children…and without that attention, they don’t thrive. 

So Tara fought and Alexander came home with us. 

I felt God urging me to care for this baby…to stay with him.  We realized quickly that he had not even had his first bath yet...his umbilical cord was tied off with a string.  He was not born in the hospital, for sure.  We took him home and bathed him and took him to the hospital for blood work and an exam. 

He was healthy.  7 pounds of God’s most perfect handiwork…. arguably a little hairy…but the most perfect, hairy angel you have ever seen. 

I felt such an urging to stay and care for Alexander…Tara still had C3 working and she was also scheduled to go back to the States for 2 weeks…I felt strongly that Alexander needed a consistent caregiver in order to establish healthy attachment and growth.  

So, Kyle and I decided to stay and seek God.  What are we supposed to do?  Where are we supposed to be? 

I told God that I needed Him to write what he wanted us to do on the wall…it was going to have to be exceptionally clear if He wanted us to stay…Honduras was not in our plans.

In that 2 week time of seeking we were introduced to another little boy and his caregiver, Kacey, who came to live with us at the Garcia’s house. 

His name is Jesus.

I am writing this blog at a table while he hungrily shoves cereal in his little mouth.  Jesus is a fighter like no one I have ever met.  In the month that I have known him he has battled fever, infection, appendicitis, and he only just left the hospital on Sunday after receiving treatment for infected shunts for his hydrocephalus and receive new shunts.  Kacey has written more about his story here (www.kaceybolin.wordpress.com).  It is impossible to not love him.  It didn’t take us long to realize that, aside from his physical differences, he is much like many typical 6 year old boys.  Kacey has taken the time to know him.  She speaks to him in a way that shows that he understands and he responds to her showing that she is correct to assume so.  Calvary loves Jesus.  He talks to him and gives him toys.  It brings tears to my eyes just to write about the things Jesus has shown me about Calvary.  Harper, Calvary, and Oliver Jack made pictures to decorate his hospital room and almost every picture includes Jesus running, climbing, and smiling freely as he plays.  They want to see him whole.  The desire of Kacey’s heart is to see Jesus in his forever home. 

The desire to see Jesus in a forever home is the exact desire that has been in my heart for Alexander. 

I felt like God was telling me to stay in the gap with him until he is home.  Kacey has expressed that the Lord has placed the same desire on her heart for Jesus. Our prayer and request that God would make that calling clear was made abundantly clear when Tara and Jorge learned that they would unexpectedly have to return to the States.  

In one instant we realized that we were going to be standing in the gap for more than Alexander. 

God has also shown us that we are excellent gap fillers and I am really beginning to love that role!

Not long after we learned that Tara would not be returning from the States we also learned that a baby girl who captured the hearts of the group visiting from Texas was going to be released into our care from the public orphanage. 

Her name is Eda.

Eda is 2 months old and, much like Alexander, God placed a sense of urgency on the hearts of a couple working here from the group in Texas.  Even when they returned to their home in Texas they prayed for her…that she would be released from the orphanage and that she would be placed in a family.  It was with joy that we were able to share that she was no longer sleeping in an orphanage.  She is beautiful.  She has the most precious pouty lip that puckers just as she is about to cry.  She also has the deepest brown eyes.  We have decided that Eda and Alexander are going to be best friends and they seem to support that decision. 

I like to lay Eda and Alexander down together and let them play side by side.  I marvel at God’s Providence and how all too often we focus on numbers when it comes to greatness. 

We like to say things like, “1 million dollars was donated!” or “1 million people accepted Jesus into their hearts” because we view the volume as great.  But the Lord looks at each giver’s heart that is attached to each of those million dollars.  The Lord knows each one of those million hearts that have invited Him into their hearts. 

If it would have been 1 dollar, the Lord would rejoice in the same way.  If it would have been on heart, the Lord would rejoice in the same way. 

Jesus would have died on the cross to save one.  I know this.

I believe that is why the Lord is showing me that it is important to tell others the names of these children.

The statistics are staggering here…

More than 1 in 5 children under the age of 5 are stunted in growth due to malnutrition.

Honduras, as of 2010, has more than 200,000 orphans that make up a heart breaking number of their population.

2 in 5 children that start school, never finish. 

These numbers are staggering.

Yet, when I stop and attach a name and face to each one of those numbers it is even more painful. 

So today, I am thanking the Lord for the Hope He has given us through Eda, Jesus, Chico, and sweet Alexander.

He reminds me that He sees each one.  He knows each face. 

And because of that love, I can follow Him anywhere and trust Him through anything.  I am not just a number.  We are not just numbers.

Even when He asks us to move to Costa Rica and leave the life we made in the United States behind us, I can trust Him.

Even when He then asks us to stay in Honduras and leave the life we made in Costa Rica behind us, I can trust Him. 

Most of the time following the Lord doesn’t make sense until it just suddenly does.

So, just as I have never been more convinced that my life is not my own as much as I have in the past few months….I have also never been more convinced that I am intimately and personally loved as I have been in the past few months. 

"'Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,' says the LORD, who has compassion on you." (Isaiah 54:10 and my new favorite verse :) )

life lessons for alexander...

The time we have spent with this little baby as a volunteer for R.O.O.M.  Honduras has been transforming.  It is difficult for my heart to grasp the reality that our presence in his life may just be for a season and that his forever mama has been praying for him and waiting for him.  I have been preparing my kids as well for this fact...so last night we started collecting life lessons from the kids that they would want to share with him for later in life.  Oliver Jack was, surprisingly, the largest contributor to this list...who knew he was so full of wisdom?!

1. It is okay to eat food, but it is not okay to eat trash.
2. It is a good thing eat ice cream, but not all the time.
3. It is okay to play with action figures, but it is not okay to eat them.
4. It is okay to look at babies, but it is not okay to eat babies.
5. It is okay to cry, but you have to stop sometimes.
6. It is okay to not brush your teeth for one night, but not every night.
7. It is okay to look at pictures, but it is not okay to pull them down off the wall.
8. It is okay to wear glasses if you can't see. Or not.
9. It is okay to stand in front of a fan if you are hot, but it is not okay to put your hand inside the fan.
10. It is okay to play with toy weapons, but not real weapons.
11. It is okay to look at lightbulbs, but it is not okay to touch them. Just don't do it.
12. It is okay to ride inside of cars, but it is not okay to ride on top of a car.
13. Never, ever pull on a shelf.
14. It is okay to wash your body with soap, but don't eat the soap.
15. Never get a viscous pet.
16. Don't bite yourself. Or give yourself a hickey. Better yet, don't put your mouth on your body.
17. All men look good with a beard.
18. Never use the expression, "have a cow" because it is very confusing...
19. Never take a paci out of a baby's mouth.
20. The good choice is to do your homework, the bad choice is to eat your homework.
21. It is okay to feed chickens corn, but not babies, humans, or dogs.
22. Never call someone fat.
23. Be careful not to mumble. 
24. Don't punch people.
25. Or point at people.
26. It is okay to turn on a chandelier, but it is not okay to jump off a chair and swing on a chandelier.
27. It is not okay to kill an animal or insect that is minding it's own business.
28. Always flush the toilet, unless your toothbrush is in it.  
29. You can look at monsters, but don't say that you hate monsters because then they will eat you.
30. Always do your best. Unless you are being disrespectful.  Then don't do your best at that.
31. Whenever you wear a bathing suit don't wear your underwear if that is the only pair you have.  
32. You can ride a horse, but a horse cannot ride you.
33. It is okay to play with monkeys a little bit but not a whole lot because they might mess you up.
34. Never push a car that is out of gas up a hill because it might roll backwards down the hill.
35. It's okay to shave a people's hair how they want it, but it's not okay to shave a person's hair if you don't have their permission.

My only contribution to this list is to remember that you are loved.  

Since arriving here a little over a week ago, I have realized even more the work that is being done here in Honduras.  Just this morning, Tara and Jorge are off to the office of child services here to try and get 5 children that are not thriving in the orphanage in hopes of helping them get stronger, healthier, and ready for their permanent homes.  

Just this week, a little boy living in Tara's house had to have an emergency surgery to remove his infected appendix as well as a cyst the size of an orange on his appendix.  All of these children have to have diapers, formula, car seats, doctor's visits...everything that is necessary for babies to receive excellent care.  If you feel God calling you to help support the work of the Garcia's in Honduras, please visit the website www.makeroom.org
We are so thankful for everyone that continues to support our family and our ability to serve in Honduras as well as Costa Rica.  

hands and feet...

This weekend we are heading out to Honduras for a trip serving two purposes: first, to serve alongside Tara and Jorge Garcia and ROOM Honduras and secondly to renew our tourist visa here in Costa Rica.

Renewing our visa means that we have been here in Costa Rica for 90 days!  I cannot believe it...in some ways, our time here has flown by more quickly than we could have ever dreamed.  In other ways, we already feel like Costa Rica is our home and feel like we have been here all our life.

It has been a while since I have actually sat down to compose my thoughts here and much of that is because it is difficult to truly process all that has taken place here.

We have started a building project to help build a room for Hogarcito San Juan Bosco and our social network campaign has already helped provide many of the supplies needed for that project!  While our friend, Elizabeth, was here with us for four days we were privileged to actually take the money raised and purchase those materials.  When Diana, the director at HSJB, found out about what had been purchased she was overjoyed.  Even more exciting is that she informed us that because of a little Internet campaign and a whole lot of God construction can already begin this August! Praise God from whom all blessings flow...for real.

I already mentioned that Elizabeth came down for a whirlwind trip to encourage and serve alongside us here.  She was inundated with Costa Rican culture from the very minute she sat in our car when a major road was inexplicably closed causing us to reroute our drive adding an additional 2 hours to an expected 4 hour journey.  Of course, being lost in Costa Rica is unlike being lost anywhere else in the world...with such beauty, it is difficult to mind.  She brought with her goodies from friends (you're the best Christy!) and an entire suitcase of goodies that she brought from her family...the kids were thrilled and loved and it does their hearts so much good to be loved and remembered...from my mother's heart, I cannot put enough gratitude into words for that.  She also brought with her school supplies!  These school supplies are invaluable to a door for service that has opened up for us here.  We spent one whole evening designing and planning curriculum for Hogar AMA, a local all boys home just 20 minutes away from our home here.  We would not have been able to purchase the materials necessary for this to be a reality or be nearly as functional because of how expensive materials like that are here...Again, just at the perfect time, the Lord provided a way for an opportunity to be made a reality!

Elizabeth and I trying to pretend like we aren't scared of snakes...

It was difficult to send Elizabeth home, more difficult than I anticipated (no offense Elizabeth :) ) There were just no expectations for her to stay because she already has a family that needs her and loves her dearly...so I knew the day where we would be taking her back to the airport would be coming...While she was here we spent so much time excitedly sharing with her life here and discussing visions for the future that it was easy to not realize that it would be difficult to send her back.  But it was.  As I fastened Finley's seat belt, and I am sure that Elizabeth was hardly out of sight behind me in the corridor of the airport, Calvary said, "I already miss her."

I think that was the first time it hit us...we have been here long enough now that we miss home...yet we love what we are doing and God has given us such peace that we rarely long for home.  Of course we miss our family and friends dearly, but the Lord has protected all of us from homesickness in ways that I do not fully understand...I am just grateful for it.  We wrestled with the call to answer God's pull for so long that we have been happily resting in the peace of surrender.

But we felt the sacrifice that day.  Between so many things falling through during Elizabeth's visit and missing home, we started wondering what our purpose here is.  I started praying for renewed vision and renewed strength...that we would rest in His calling and follow His leading.  I also prayed that doors would be opened and that we would begin to see how ROOM would be serving Costa Rica a little more clearly...after all, we are passionate about God's call here and ROOMs vision.

It wasn't long after that many things broke and were falling into place at the same time...our poor car, affectionately called Dixie, had a series of ailments and the trouble with such a situation can only be understood by anyone that has tried to travel through Costa Rica.  Brakes, the tire, the window...everything broke.  But at the same time, doors opened for us to teach at Hogar AMA and help an organization here that serves children and families called Fundacion Mundial para Ninez y la Familia.  It was easy to be distracted.  Yet, thankfully, we stay focused on our purpose here.

Just yesterday, Dixie was at the mechanic to get new brakes and rotors and we were unsure of when the repairs would be finished.  The mechanic offered us a ride home and we accepted until his car wasn't equipped anymore for the terrain...that gave us a remaining 2 hours...during that walk I realized that we had an appointment with Magally, a lady who started Fundacion Mundial para Ninez y la Familia in hopes to equip them to stay together and not be orphaned out of poverty, the very next morning.  We decided that we just had to go.  We wanted to go.  During our first meeting with Magally she expressed how overwhelmed she was and we sensed her need for support.  We are privileged to be able to offer whatever support we can and it is so important to follow through. I did not want our first opportunity to serve as ROOM with Magally to be missed.  I am so glad that we did!!  Our meeting was at 10:00am and the only bus leaves our town at 6:00am...that gave us plenty of time to not be late :) The kids were amazing and even though they spent a serious uphill 2 hours walking home the day before they walked another 3 once we arrived in town while we waited for Magally.

Allison's house and 2 of her family...

Once we met up with Magally, we hopped in a taxi and headed out to the house of a family that she wanted to introduce to us.  The girl, Allison, is celebrating her 15th birthday and lives with her mother and 4 brothers in a tiny house made of metal sheets.  Here they call those houses "casas de latas" and they are very, very common in Costa Rica.  Allison is severely handicapped and cannot walk, talk, or eat.  She eats through a feeding tube and is mostly confined to her bed.  Her mother struggles to provide and cannot work because Allison needs full time care.  Several of the children, who are school aged, cannot afford the necessary uniforms and therefore cannot go to school.  The children do not shoes, much clothing, and barely enough food.  Yet, turning 15 in a Latin American country is a very big deal!  Magally decided that her foundation, that has served this family in multiple ways including just recently helping them have beds, would organize a birthday party for her. Kyle and I personally wanted to be involved.  You should have seen her face light up when she saw the pinata!  The love Magally showed Allison was one of the most beautiful things I have ever witnessed.  She sat at her feet and cupped Allison's face in her hands and told her how beautiful she looked and how she lacks nothing...I can only pray that I can show love like that...Magally introduced us to everyone and were able to give two dresses, a bottle of pink and a bottle of blue nail polish, and some candy and a pinata.  It wasn't anything huge or life saving.  But I know it was important.  Important work was done there because Allison and her family felt loved.

I love how God is in the details.  The day before our initial meeting with Magally, Harper came to me holding 2 dresses.  She said that she liked the dresses but she thought that since they weren't her favorites maybe some of the girls in the orphanages would like to have them...she was asking me if she would be allowed to give them, as if I could ever tell her she wouldn't be allowed...I pray I never squelch that giver's heart!  I folded the dresses and put them on the shelf and carried on with life as usual.  At the meeting, Magally told us about Allison and how all her mother had wanted for her was polish for her nails and a dress.  Allison, although turning 15, is the size of Harper.  The two dresses that Harper was compelled to give were the dresses that Allison's mother had wanted for her.
It is in those moments that I see God at His finest.
Rainbows are undoubtedly beautiful and waterfalls are unarguably majestic.
However, just like seeing the intricate designs of the veins of a leaf, I am infinitely more amazed by how God, the author of all things grand and enormous, cares enough about the prayers of one mother to give her hope through a dress.  How Harper's faith was strengthened too!  I am just so thankful...

Sweet Magally loving on Allison...

I am grateful that ROOM cares not only for the orphans in homes but also for the children at risk of being orphaned by preventable causes.  Meeting Magally has opened up so many difficult issues but has also explained why we have made connections with other organizations that we didn't even realize would be helpful until now.  I mentioned that Allison had brothers that are school aged but cannot afford uniforms for school, but what is awesome is that Kyle and I met a woman that we approached at the skate park a few weeks back that has an organization through their church that sponsors children to provide the necessary materials for school!  We didn't even call her or have an appointment.  We just saw a van that said Costa Rica Kids and decided we would see if they had any information of orphanages in the area...and now, we were able to connect her to another organization in the area!
If that was it, we would be amazed enough at God's Providence but there's even more...
During our meeting with Magally, who is a Christian and does all the work through her organization in  His name, expressed to us that churches here in Costa Rica do not help.  She had brought so many of the families to the attention of local churches only to feel as if the churches were indifferent...yet, the organization that we connected her with, Costa Rica Kids, is a local organization funded and supported completely by a local church!  My prayer is that the connection there will begin a healing process here in the south of Costa Rica that will inspire even more churches and organizations to team up and serve their community from within.  Hopefully ROOM in Costa Rica can continue to be the connecting points between these organizations outside of orphanages.

Through all of this, God has shown me how, just like we are many members of the body of Christ, so are each of these organizations.  It is so important that we are the hands and feet of Christ and I am beginning to believe that one of our biggest roles here in Costa Rica is allowing ROOM to act as a connecting point.  Each part of the body is far more useful if it works together with the rest of the body...So many of the organizations existing in CR are unaware of the counterparts already existing that could support. God is "a father to the fatherless" and He "sets the lonely in families" (Psalm 68:5) and our desire is to use whatever resources we can to ensure that anyone we serve knows this truth.  One of the things that initially drew me to ROOM is how the vision is not to start an orphanage or create a name for itself...ROOM simply wants to serve.

the boy's fleeting moment of diligence :)

It was also after Elizabeth left that we were given the opportunity to start teaching English at Hogar AMA...this is a local, all boys orphanage for boys ages 6-12.  We have been blessed enough to visit with the boys there on average twice a week...these boys are amazing.  We talk of them all by name quite often and miss them when we aren't there.  They are easy to love because they are like every other child you have ever met...some are silly and shy....some are show offs and clowns...some are chivalrous and proud...some are creative and mischievous...and you fall in love with whom each was created to be so fast that its impossible not to want to do everything you can to help them understand how infinitely deep they are loved.  Every time we return you can tell they are happily surprised to see us again.  It was upon one of these visits that the boys started asking us if we would teach them English.  We set up a time with Friar Jorge, the director, and scheduled a class...the materials we made with Elizabeth came after that initial set up and we were so excited to put them to use.  The boys were so cute!  They climbed around tables and sat diligently while we passed out their supplies...their diligence lasted as long as it often does with that age group of boys...but it was super cute while it lasted.  Almost all of the boys took their work seriously and genuinely want to learn...Kyle and I have never taught ESL and we are researching and planning for things that we never thought we would be doing.  But we love it and look forward to every class and every opportunity we have to be with them.

Harper and Calvary are great teachers...here the boys are showing off their knowledge of the word "crazy" to describe Harper

That is what we are learning.  The answer to my prayer asking what our purpose here is, is simply to be.
To be willing.
To be loving.
To be patient.
To be kind.
To be faithful.
To be ready.
To be strong.
To be present.

God asked us to abandon our former life and come here.  At this point it seems as if it should be easy to just follow where He leads...but even though it is much more interesting to see the details work themselves out as the beauty of following Him unfolds, I for some reason still want it to be more obvious from the beginning sometime.  But hey, were all learning, right?

"Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:14

Please continue to pray for us.  If you feel that you would want to be a part of ROOMs ministry in Costa Rica please visit our site www.makeroomforthemurrays.com and make a donation!  Every gift helps.

Or, if you would like to make a donation to ROOMs general operating funds to support our programs in Honduras, India, as well Costa Rica please visit www.makeroom.org.

holding babies...

Monday we visited Hogarcito San Juan Bosco for the second time since we have been here.  This place holds a very special place in our hearts already and we know that our love for the tias and children there will only continue to grow.  

We began our correspondence with Diana, the director at Hogarcito, through email.  I painstakingly constructed an email of introduction in Spanish.  It is very difficult for me to write in Spanish because I generally think in more complex sentences then my limited spanish vocuabulary permits.  Unlike Hogar de Vida, no one at Hogarcito San Juan Bosco speaks English.  We emailed back and forth and Diana invited us to come and meet her and see the facility first hand.  

Again, we nudged the kids awake for an early morning drive for that first visit.  We still had no expectations and only hoped to learn.  

Hogarcito San Juan Bosco is not as large or grand as Hogar de Vida, but it is bright, colorful, clean, and full of love.

We pulled up outside the gate and little eyes slowly started to gather to look at who has come to visit... I am not sure if they rarely have visitors or if they rarely have children as visitors.  Either way, their curiosity definitely had the best of them and they watched us carefully.  

Diana welcomed us warmly and Kyle and I began to describe the best we could what ROOM does and ask her about how her program works.  

She showed us around the facility and went into a room where a sweet girl, no older than 4 months, was sleeping.  She reached down and picked her up and handed that sweet, sleeping baby to me...I was toast after that.  Oliver Jack was smitten and could barely do anything else besides hold her tiny hand and kiss her cheeks.  

While we held that sweet baby, we listened to Diana tell us about Hogarcito San Juan Bosco.

She told us that PANI provides monetary support and that support covers the cost of the salaries of the 6 tias that they have to have there at all times and a large portion of their operating costs and food.  PANI's support is 60% of their monthly budget.  After that 60%, the tias use their own money for whatever needs the children may have.  

We asked her how she covered the remaining 40% and she responded that is was "por la gracia de Dios" and that He somehow made what they have grow and grow....They depend on Him to for daily bread to feed the multitudes.  

She also told us, with a twinkle in her eye, about a room that she was trying to build.  She talked of the room like someone speaks of becoming a doctor or owning a sportscar...like she knew it could be a possibility but also like she is slightly embarassed of having such a goal...but she bashfully described the room to us.  A local architect has already donated the plans for the additonal space that is truly necessary for this facility to be a healthy space for the kids there...they have a list of supplies.  They know the contractor that they will hire to complete the job.  They only need the supplies.

We asked her if she had any supplies yet and she lowered her head and told us no.  

They never have money left over.  And when it comes to buying food or building supplies for a dream addition, they make the purchase that any responsible person would make and they buy food.  

We asked her what her biggest need is month to month and she told us food.

We understand that!  We only have 6 mouths to feed in our home and food is our biggest expense outside of our home...I can only imagine the cost of feeding 17 mouths!

After that initial meeting we left and purchased chicken, baby formula, apples, and then Harper insisted that we also purchase Tang for the kids...Tang...of all the things :)

We left that day feeling a sense of purpose.  This is what God had put in our hearts...these are the faces we saw in the corners of our hearts.  We only wanted Diana and the others there to know that we are truly here.  

Those are the relationships that take work.  

We are all grateful when someone offers help, but help with relationship is much more powerful.

So Monday we visited again.  

This time, Harper and Calvary not only brought bracelets to distribute but they also brought rainbow loom bands to teach the kids.  All of the children were so interested in the bracelets last time that Harper thought they would love a lesson.  

We went and purchased more chicken and formula and headed to Hogarcito.  Even though we had made the arrangements with Diana to come again, her face when she saw us was so different than the first time we met her.  It was not like the face of someone that is suspect of meeting a new person.  It was the face of someone that was genuinely happy to see a friend.  

I am so thankful for that greeting.

The kids immediately set off to play and we immediately started talking with Diana.  

We immediately started find our place in the middle of their normal day.  

One little girl reminded me so much of a friend's daughter at home and we just giggled as we watched her live.  She was spunky and fun and everything she did was with a little smile.  She grabbed my sunscreen and began telling me, "pintarme! pintarme!"...how could I deny her?  

Harper, unsuprisingly, became the best rainbow loom teacher the world has ever known.  

Calvary, suprisingly, jumped in and did his best to teach a little girl how to use her fingers to make the bracelet.  However, his fine motor skills delay make that a more difficult job than it would be for most and he pointed her the way to Harper for further instruction.  Although he was exactly succesful in teaching her, I was just so proud I could pop at the effort.  

While we were playing with the kids, Kyle as working.  Calvary joined him and loved working hard sweeping and scrubbing the sidewalk.  

Finley and Jack...well, they played.  They raced.  Boys laughed uncontrollably at Finley's blue tongue.  They looked at books.  And they climbed and played on the play structures.  

Mostly, we were just there.

I noticed, much like at Hogar de Vida, the immense amount of love their.

Every little girl had their hair lovingly brushed and tied up in little ponytails.

Every child had outifts that were put together with care.

The boys would make bracelets and then run off to give them to their favorite tias...and then come back and say, "2 mas!".

While we were there, a few of the children had to get ready for school...they disappeared for a while and returned wearing perfectly pressed school uniforms.  It was funny to see these boys that were just moments ago laughing and roughhousing suddenly turned into proper students.  

It was sweet to see.  Every child that would come and sit beside me and listen to me speak my slow, Southern spanish was so full of life.  It was like I was looking into the face of hope.  

Our heart would be that each one of these children would have a home.  We, as members of ROOM and as Christians, would love that there would be no need for orphanages at all.  Our goal, in the meantime, is to help these programs run as effictively as lovingly as possible.  

We are so thankful for places like Hogar de Vida and Hogarcito San Juan Bosco that are doing their very best to love on these precious children.  

My personal hope is that ROOM can help make the room that Diana dreams of reality.  As Kyle and I continue to work on translating the list, we plan to offer those materials as an opportunity for everyone to bless this program that is already doing so much to serve and love these kids. Each item that is crossed off that list, even as simple as a box of nails, has such a profound impact on these kids but also on the workers that sometimes feel so alone in their service. 

Harper helping the children make rainbow loom bracelets...

Calvary helping....

Calvary working hard...

the biggest room for the kids.  

Meet Diana.  She is kind, warm, and hopeful.  We are excited to be partnering with her.