harper in a nut shell...

without question i love that first born child of mine. she changed my life in all the best ways. because of her, i am a mother. she makes me laugh with her wit. she makes me smile when she nurtures her siblings. but sometimes that girl makes me crazy! it has always been difficult to pin point exactly what it is about her that makes me insane. she is a good girl. she does good work in school. i couldn't ask for a better helper at home. she takes pride in being the oldest. she rarely does anything that is just out and out wrong. but today i had two examples that just cemented the cause that gains the effect perfectly. we went to the park today and while we were there harper was swinging and climbing on everything should could find. she is so amazingly strong that she has mastered the art of supporting her weight on many non-approved climbing areas. one of her favorite places to climb is between the curvy slide and the platform. i have watched her do this many times and anyone that knows my oldest two knows that they are not known for their exceptional disregard for safety. all this to say that harper was not in harm's way. however, as i stood under harper, a man came over and put his arms around her waist and instructed her to get down. she looked at me and clung to the bars. i walked over and touched her foot and just told her to let go. he put her down on the ground and told her that it was too dangerous to do that. most people would have thought that the gesture was kind, but most people were not there. i was. he made me very uncomfortable for many reasons. one of which was the overwhelming smell of alcohol. harper couldn't understand why the man wouldn't let her climb. i told her that she just needed to play somewhere else and stay away from the man. i told her that he was there with his granddaughter and he had been drinking. she told me that she wanted to keep climbing. i told her that if she climbed again he would probably come and get her down again. i told her again to stay away from him. 5 minutes later she asked the man to help her reach a toy that was too high. yep. i walk into danger with harper. i comfort her as she encounters danger. i encourage her to stay away from danger. she goes and asks danger to play. awesome. later at home i asked harper not to walk in the flower beds because i had just planted some bushes (and by that i mean i stuck small sticks in the mud hoping that one day they would bear leaves) and i didn't want her to step on them. 5 minutes later she was walking on the rocks bordering the flower bed. what a perfect illustration for my frustration with her. rather than residing in one place, hot or cold/ good or bad, she toes the line in between. i feel like i am constantly trying to keep her teetering away from the other side. she feels frustrated because she is confident that she is not really breaking any rules. i am praying that i can be the mother that she needs. a patient mother. one who likes a challenge.