a tribute...

(my granny and pop)

(my granny, jessica and stacy on christmas day 2001)

(my dad and granny...i used to lay just like this with her)

(the fabulous bee-hive)

today we celebrated the life of my granny. after the service we headed over to my uncle jimmy and aunt sheila's house to eat and just enjoy each other's company. somehow, by the end of it all, my dad, kyle, the kids, my brother and myself ended up outside playing pine cone roulette. i also spent some time inside going through the several albums of pictures that my granny kept.

my dad and my uncle jimmy gave a tribute to my granny as well as my aunt alice and jade. my brother and his wife sang and so did my cousins and aunt. although it is always difficult to say goodbye to someone so special, i believe that her service was exactly how she would have liked it to be. i am grateful for all of the prayers from friends and family during this time.

i shared my own thoughts about my granny and finding the right words to say proved itself to be an extremely difficult task. i started 5 different times and each time i found myself struggling with where to go; not because i didn't have enough to say, but because i had too much. i hope that one day my children can read these words and may know the woman that i admired in so many ways. she has shaped me and inspired me and her steady, constant presence will be so painfully missed.

the strange thing about death is how it has a way of shaking up everything you know about a person. i thought i had my granny figured out. i could tell you how she was the most independent person i have ever met. she possessed the type of independence that is born not made. even though i was obviously not around when my granny was a child, i imagine that my own fiercely independent little girl mirrors her great grandmother entirely. sometimes her independence was charming. she would go where she wanted when she wanted. sometimes her independence was frustrating because she refused to rely on anyone. in my mind, to deny my granny her independence, for better or for worse, was to deny her most defining attribute. second only to her self-reliance was my granny's tough spirit. i could tell you how my granny was a force. she was not to be mistaken for a pushover and she would not tolerate disrespect or ingratitude. the result of her tenacity was 3 boys. she taught them respect, loyalty, and responsibility. i have no doubt that raising my dad and uncles was a challenge. she told me countless stories of bumps, bruises, car accidents, and asthma attacks but she was tough. and because she refused to be a pushover, i have a godly father that i adore. she helped shape my concept of a man because she helped shape my father. for that, i am both grateful and awestruck. indeed my granny's toughness was something to be marveled. i know this because she did not trade in her game for a softer, more gently version once she became a grandmother. instead, she applied the same expectations to us. whenever we lost our place--granny was quick to put us right back where we belonged. i am thankful that she stayed so tough, even though our beautiful, cherub faces undoubtedly melted her heart, because she showed me that i could not get anywhere without respect and consideration. i could also tell you how unshakable she was. although she was tough, she had a way of accepting us all exactly for who we are. i know that she was not always proud of my actions, but her love for me was unshakable. she was a constant in my life. she watched me dance, in spite of my lack of grace. she watched my play sports, even when i did more sitting than playing. she celebrated my high school graduation with me and my college graduation. she bought a new dress for my wedding. she celebrated the birth of my baby, and my other baby, and my other baby, and my other baby. i have 27 years worth of christmas ornaments. i have cards from every holiday from christmas to flag day. she was there. for every event. she somehow knew how to make all of us feel like her favorite. she knew that letting me curl up beside her while we both read a book would mean more to me than all the toys that money could buy. she knew that life was about the little things like bringing sugar free cookies to a tea party hosted by her great grandchildren...i'm not sure what would make her think a house with four children needed sugar free cookies...but those are the times that i will always treasure. she was unshakable because it did not matter what life brought us or what we brought life, she was going to be there--with her little white sneakers, cute ankle socks with balls on the back, and a sweater just in case she got cold.

but this is what i knew of her before last friday night. that night i watched my father wrap his arms around his mother and cry. and as he cried over her, i learned something new about my granny. all of her independence. all of her strength. all of her fortitude was for us...not for her. she nurtured her family through strength. it was a mother's love that made her unshakable when our worlds were up heaved. i learned that night that my granny was dependent on the love of her family and the mercy of Christ. i learned that even she was fragile. and most devastatingly, i learned that she could be shaken. i held her hand and knew that watching my father, her "bruce the caboose", cry over her broke her heart--that mother's heart that worked so hard to protect us all.

i am thankful that i was given the opportunity to care for my granny for that brief time. i believe that the greatest testament to her legacy are the men she left behind. i realize even more today that her children were her greatest treasure and she graciously shared that treasure with us. i pray that i can follow her example and embrace all that life has to offer--big or small. i am sad that she will not get to watch me be the mother of teenagers and laugh at me when i get frustrated at their antics. i am sad that she won't be calling me to thank me for updating my blog or tell me that i need to do so. i am sad that kids will not get anymore cards from her--those dollars came in quite handy. i grieve the loss of her because to know her is to have been given a tremendous gift. i can rejoice with her because i know that her life was full of the Joy of Christ.