this is what joy looks like...

merry christmas little ones...you gift me with joy every day.

this is how i fail spiritual training...

calvary: look at my truck! it's going to church...

me: does your truck need to get saved? (chuckle to myself)

calvary: nope. it's going to do the saving. the church is on fire.

me: (chuckle) that is what we call "ironic" in the biz.

calvary: "erotic"?

me: no! IRONIC

sigh

thoughts on prayer...

nothing is a stronger catalyst for prayer than parenting...

new christmas stuff...

i finished making some new christmas clothes...

let me know if you are interested :)

to be expected...

today, calvary and oliver jack were working on a little craft project. they worked happily cutting, gluing, and bending pipe cleaners. i was helping calvary when oliver jack took the opportunity to take a dollop of school glue and eat it. yep...he's that kid.

meet the newest addition...

welcome to the family sadie looo.

finley is 5 months old!!!

not too much has changed in the past month. finley is still one of the best babies i have ever known and i am ever thankful that God has blessed me to be her mother. now i am quadruply blessed with wonderfully delightful babies.

in the past week or so finley has decided that she would rather sleep on her belly than on her back. a task that i find remarkable seeing how she still enjoys to be swaddled. now, she busts her little arms out and rolls over.

to the dismay of many...*cough* cough*...our mothers...*cough* cough*...finley is still exclusively breastfed. the real reason is that she has very little interest in eating anything else. nana has given her cool whip and sweet potatoes and she loved them (who wouldn't? i mean it is almost entirely sugar). but almost all other food she not only lacks interest in but actually protests. but, much to her dismay, she will have to start food by next month so i am going to try with a little more enthusiasm this month.

oliver jack was impossible to satisfy with food and now finley is completely satisfied with just milk.

our schedule

5:30 - calvary comes to our room and tells us that jack is awake and jack comes to our room

6:30 - we wake up finley and i feed her

6:45 - kyle gets up and makes breakfast for everyone

6:50 - i finish feeding finley and get up and get harper dressed

7:00 - we make harper's lunch, change diapers, and put shoes on everyone else

7;20 - we leave for harper's school

7:50 - we drop harper off

8:30 - we get home and put finley to bed

8:40 - i get calvary and oliver jack dressed

8:45 - calvary and oliver jack watch half of curious george and all of cat in the hat while i drink a cup of coffee and check email, facebook, and blogs

ohmyword it is not even 9:00??????

9:30 - i get calvary and oliver jack a snack and we start school

10:30 - i wake finley up and feed her

11:00 - we go outside and play

11:30 - i come in and start lunch

12:00 -oliver jack and calvary eat and finley goes down for a nap

12:15 - oliver jack goes down for a nap

12:15 -2:00 - calvary and i have time for just us...we play together, sometimes he plays by himself, sometimes he plays a computer game...whatever it is, we enjoy this time just me and him.

2:00 - i wake up finley and feed her

2:20 - i wake up oliver jack

2:30 - we leave to go pick up harper

2:50 - we pick up harper

3:30 - we get home and i get the kids a snack

4:00- i put finley in the bed and harper starts homework

4:30 - YAY KYLE GETS HOME!!!

5:00- i feed finley

5:30 ish - we eat dinner

6:30- we play, have baths, go to ballet, shopping, yadda yadda yadda
7:00- finley goes to bed if we are at home

7:30- oliver jack goes to bed

8:00- harper and calvary go to bed and i wake up finley and feed her

8:30 -finley goes to bed

sigh...i sit.

of course chunks of the day change when we have calvary's OT or any other appointment. and of course there are the days that we visit with friends or family or head out to the library. but for the most part, this is what my days look like. i am so thankful that finley and oliver jack are so easy when it comes to adjusting their schedules. life with many little ones is always busy. i look back at the times when i only had 1 or 2 and i wonder what my life would have been like if kyle and i stuck with the choice we had made to not have any more. the truth is, that life is busy but very manageable.

i am most likely going to look back on this in another 5 months and realize that i am insane. now, when i take all of the kids into a store i look crazy but they are (for the most part) delightfully confined. one day, oliver jack will be insistent on walking, finley will be reaching and trying to grab everything, and harper and calvary will still be walking to and fro.

i think the hardest thing to manage with 4 children is the noise. it seems that the volume is ALWAYS out of control. to the point where most days i do not even notice while other days it is all i seem to notice.

but even now, while i type this, finley is sleeping...jack is laughing at charlie brown while laying against kyle's lap...harper is snuggled up in my blanket...calvary is perched in "his spot"...and kyle is sipping on his energy drink trying to make it through the next half hour :)...all is calm and quiet and i am overwhelmed with thankfulness.

school...

so...does it still mean you are smart if you know all about the early exploration of north america if you still cannot spell your name correctly?

they can't deny it...

sometimes my granny and pop liked to pretend like they had had enough of each other...but the truth is in their eyes.

from the vault...

a tribute...

(my granny and pop)

(my granny, jessica and stacy on christmas day 2001)

(my dad and granny...i used to lay just like this with her)

(the fabulous bee-hive)

today we celebrated the life of my granny. after the service we headed over to my uncle jimmy and aunt sheila's house to eat and just enjoy each other's company. somehow, by the end of it all, my dad, kyle, the kids, my brother and myself ended up outside playing pine cone roulette. i also spent some time inside going through the several albums of pictures that my granny kept.

my dad and my uncle jimmy gave a tribute to my granny as well as my aunt alice and jade. my brother and his wife sang and so did my cousins and aunt. although it is always difficult to say goodbye to someone so special, i believe that her service was exactly how she would have liked it to be. i am grateful for all of the prayers from friends and family during this time.

i shared my own thoughts about my granny and finding the right words to say proved itself to be an extremely difficult task. i started 5 different times and each time i found myself struggling with where to go; not because i didn't have enough to say, but because i had too much. i hope that one day my children can read these words and may know the woman that i admired in so many ways. she has shaped me and inspired me and her steady, constant presence will be so painfully missed.

the strange thing about death is how it has a way of shaking up everything you know about a person. i thought i had my granny figured out. i could tell you how she was the most independent person i have ever met. she possessed the type of independence that is born not made. even though i was obviously not around when my granny was a child, i imagine that my own fiercely independent little girl mirrors her great grandmother entirely. sometimes her independence was charming. she would go where she wanted when she wanted. sometimes her independence was frustrating because she refused to rely on anyone. in my mind, to deny my granny her independence, for better or for worse, was to deny her most defining attribute. second only to her self-reliance was my granny's tough spirit. i could tell you how my granny was a force. she was not to be mistaken for a pushover and she would not tolerate disrespect or ingratitude. the result of her tenacity was 3 boys. she taught them respect, loyalty, and responsibility. i have no doubt that raising my dad and uncles was a challenge. she told me countless stories of bumps, bruises, car accidents, and asthma attacks but she was tough. and because she refused to be a pushover, i have a godly father that i adore. she helped shape my concept of a man because she helped shape my father. for that, i am both grateful and awestruck. indeed my granny's toughness was something to be marveled. i know this because she did not trade in her game for a softer, more gently version once she became a grandmother. instead, she applied the same expectations to us. whenever we lost our place--granny was quick to put us right back where we belonged. i am thankful that she stayed so tough, even though our beautiful, cherub faces undoubtedly melted her heart, because she showed me that i could not get anywhere without respect and consideration. i could also tell you how unshakable she was. although she was tough, she had a way of accepting us all exactly for who we are. i know that she was not always proud of my actions, but her love for me was unshakable. she was a constant in my life. she watched me dance, in spite of my lack of grace. she watched my play sports, even when i did more sitting than playing. she celebrated my high school graduation with me and my college graduation. she bought a new dress for my wedding. she celebrated the birth of my baby, and my other baby, and my other baby, and my other baby. i have 27 years worth of christmas ornaments. i have cards from every holiday from christmas to flag day. she was there. for every event. she somehow knew how to make all of us feel like her favorite. she knew that letting me curl up beside her while we both read a book would mean more to me than all the toys that money could buy. she knew that life was about the little things like bringing sugar free cookies to a tea party hosted by her great grandchildren...i'm not sure what would make her think a house with four children needed sugar free cookies...but those are the times that i will always treasure. she was unshakable because it did not matter what life brought us or what we brought life, she was going to be there--with her little white sneakers, cute ankle socks with balls on the back, and a sweater just in case she got cold.

but this is what i knew of her before last friday night. that night i watched my father wrap his arms around his mother and cry. and as he cried over her, i learned something new about my granny. all of her independence. all of her strength. all of her fortitude was for us...not for her. she nurtured her family through strength. it was a mother's love that made her unshakable when our worlds were up heaved. i learned that night that my granny was dependent on the love of her family and the mercy of Christ. i learned that even she was fragile. and most devastatingly, i learned that she could be shaken. i held her hand and knew that watching my father, her "bruce the caboose", cry over her broke her heart--that mother's heart that worked so hard to protect us all.

i am thankful that i was given the opportunity to care for my granny for that brief time. i believe that the greatest testament to her legacy are the men she left behind. i realize even more today that her children were her greatest treasure and she graciously shared that treasure with us. i pray that i can follow her example and embrace all that life has to offer--big or small. i am sad that she will not get to watch me be the mother of teenagers and laugh at me when i get frustrated at their antics. i am sad that she won't be calling me to thank me for updating my blog or tell me that i need to do so. i am sad that kids will not get anymore cards from her--those dollars came in quite handy. i grieve the loss of her because to know her is to have been given a tremendous gift. i can rejoice with her because i know that her life was full of the Joy of Christ.

great loss...

yesterday i suffered a great loss. but this much i know is true...to experience a great loss you must have first been given a great gift. i thank God for the blessing of my granny. and now i grieve the loss...

soccer season...

soccer season is over and while this year went considerably better than last, harper has decided that soccer is not quite for her. calvary on the other hand *loves* soccer. he was excited every week to go and play. i'm not sure if it was for the pleasure of the game or because of his crush on a little girl on the team. either way, it was the most enthusiastic i have seen him be for any big group activity ever. oliver jack did much better with soccer than t-ball. sitting on the side lines is not what this boy was born to do, but he handled it with much more grace than just a few short months earlier. it is amazing how fast they change! that being said, i cannot believe that it will be 2 years before he is eligible to participate for real. torture for the poor boy. harper showed such improvement from last year. she was not scared of the ball at all and she wanted to play goalie almost every game. last year it was a nightmare for her team when she was goalie. this year, she held her own. i am looking forward to next year, even though harper has decided that she will not play. harper and calvary were blessed to have tons of family at every game. kyle's mom and dad came to almost every game, chloe and emmi came to one, and even jacob, merriwether, his parents, brother and sister made it to one. it was at that game that jacob took some of my most favorite pictures ever. thanks for sharing the pictures!

trick or treat...

this year, halloween was such a great time. calvary decided long ago that he wanted to go as woody or buzz for a costume. after the phenomenon of toy story 3, harper decided to go as jessie. we went up to stephen and christy's house on saturday and cooked out and tried trick or treating. as far as loading up on candy, that experience was a bit of a failure. but as far as having fun, the kids had more than their share. the only house that was passing out candy was far more scary than i have ever allowed my kids to go to before. it was only once i looked at the pictures that i realized how scary it really was. thankfully, the kids really didn't seem to notice. after trick or treating, we went back to their house for a bonfire where we roasted the new ENORMOUS marshmallows. they are so big that when harper sees the old big ones she says that they are "cute little marshmallows". it was while supervising 5 kids roasting marshmallows that alex decided to swipe a marshmallow from the pile. he relished every minute of his new find and took advantage of christy allowing him to live it up for night. we made it back home around 10:00. the kids were understandably exhausted, but i am pretty sure they thought it was all worth it. we had the cutest cast of toy story ever...especially since we had doubles of a couple characters. jack was supposed to be an alien, but we couldn't find the costume in time. the next afternoon all the fun started over again. kyle's mom celebrated her birthday and so we carried over a cake (even though i am quite sure we were all on sugar overload by this point) and then headed over to poppy and julie's house. margo dressed as a little flower and kept saying that we were going "trick tricky". julie made pigs in the blanket that looked like mummies. after dinner we headed out to beg for candy. we were nervous because their neighborhood had gone trick or treating on saturday, but we just hoped they could get candy from a couple of houses. we were pleasantly surprised because several houses opened their doors and gave the kids handfuls of candy. by the time it got a bit darker several kids were out. this was the night that jack started to feel really sick with his ear infection, so thankfully everyone was ready to go in earlier.

we are so thankful for the friends we have and for the kids that make this event so much fun.