the yin & yang of motherhood

school is almost out and each day brings me closer and closer to that dream of being home with my children. so many people talk about how they want to be home with their kids and they wish that they could be a stay at home mom but i wonder how many people will actually admit to wanting to be at work instead of at home with their kids. part of me is ecstatic about being at home--the part that gets to play, read, swim, and enjoy the diaper commercial mother/child relationship; the other part of me is insanely worried how this is going to work--the part that deals with tantrums, naps, sibling rivalries, and the supernanny come help me aspects of motherhood. the balance of the two aspects is going to be key for my summer enjoyment. my aunt just bought me a book for mother's day that brought to my mind how much i do not want to rush these days away. it is called Let Me Hold You Longer by Karen Kingsbury. harper has already outgrown so much, and part of the reason i wanted to teach was so that i could spend these days at home with them...sometimes as a mom i have a picnic mentality---i dream of all these great things to do with my kids, such as a picnic; i dream of how great it is going to be how much fun we will have and how our love will blossom like the flowers we sit amongst---but then reality hits and i am left with a dirty blanket and a crying 2 year-old. it isn't their fault that my expectations are so ideal. i'm just trying to figure out how to create a new ideal--one that accounts for tantrums, irritability, and the need for lots of Tide. the truth is that my children are growing up; calvary has overcome his fear of forward momentum and has begun to walk into the great unknown, harper is beginning to recognize letters and try her hand at them---so much has already happened in their life and i want to relish every minute and i want for the parts that they remember to be parts that include me with a good attitude and an expression of joy, letting them know how much their lives have enriched mine. they are the reason that i listen to sunday school jamz and sing along with them. they are the reason that i read Dora Goes to the Beach 500 times in a row. they are the reason that i buy frozen chicken nuggets. they are the reason that i only go into the kid's section of my favorite stores. they are the reason that i leave work so quickly. they are the reason that i cannot sleep past 8. they are my life, and i want to enjoy my life!

yearbooks

today at school the kids received their yearbooks. by kids i mean the students at gaston christian school. it was strange to flip through the back pages of parent dedications and suddenly feel what it must feel like to write those pages. just like the time i put myself in the shoes of the mother of the bride for the first time, this was the first time i looked at a yearbook like a mother instead of like a student. i thought about kyle and how much i love him, and how thankful i am that he makes me laugh; it won't be long until we are all each other has! i read some of the pages and wondered how it could be that some of these parents seemed to barely know their child or maybe seemed to write what they wished their child would have been. other parents speak the very heart of the child i see as their teacher. i pray, that in high school, i know my childrens' hearts. it was also sweet because so many of the kids asked me to sign their yearbooks. they made a pile on my desk and i felt so flattered to be given the honor of signing their books. many of the students were kids that i would have never thought to care about a word i might have to say; it just reminded me that everyone likes to hear an encouraging word from those that have authority over them. it isn't long until my first year of teaching is over and these students have really impacted my life. i love this job and how it is teaching me to love and appreciate my family.