this is how i'll remember you

when everyday feels more erratic,
and the tantrums remind me that you're two,
each sleeping night, as sweet silence returns,
i peek through the night to gaze in at you.
and this is how i'll remember you.

when earthworms and green army men
quickly become your very best friends,
and five years of tide and blue jean patches
develop a relationship with me that sees no end,
this is how i'll remember you.

when pretty girls with silky hair and shirts
appeal to your eyes and capture your heart
i will be there to straighten your black tie
and pray for your return before you even start.
still, this is how i'll remember you.

and one day you will have beautiful children
and you will be a man of the highest esteem
and integrity will be linked with your name
my heart will bust with pride at every seam.
but this is how i'll remember you.

Cassie Murray 2007

calvary made it!

today is quite the milestone at the murray household; our little man is officially one today! it is hard to believe that a year ago i was at the hospital in the worst pain of my life. this year has been a tough one. between surgery, allergies, and oregon trail illnessess we almost didn't think this day would come. oh how grateful i am that we are able to celebrate!! he is quite possibly the sweetest and most cuddly child ever. he's not quite walking. in fact, the other day he took two steps and each step evoked the most pitiful cry i have ever heard. he's scared of walking. he will climb to the top of a coffee table in no time, but taking one teeny tiny step forward is terrifying. maybe the ground is made of lava. he is sweet. he loves harper. she makes him laugh like no one else can. one of his favorite places to be is in her room. he also loves animals. he thinks everything is a dog. he also loves to eat. last night he had two slices of pizza! i am grateful that he is here. i love him with all of my heart. i don't quite understand how that can be because i love harper with all of my heart as well but it is a strange truth...one person can love two different people with their entire being and it is peculiar for each one. i don't love harper like i love calvary; i don't love calvary like i love harper---but i love each one entirely & completely.

little clothes

well this past week has been a week of adjusting the closests from fall and winter to spring and summer. i went through all of the kids clothes determining what was too small and what could possibly be worn next year and then going through the clothes from last spring and summer and determining what clothes were too small and which clothes would make the cut. after i finished, i went back through all of the clothes that were too small and organized them into piles of keepers and sellers. i was much more emotional about this then i have ever been before. as i folded all of the little clothes it hit me for the first time that i do not have little babies anymore. harper is nearly three years old! calvary is going to be 1 on saturday! i just cannot believe it. i found myself saying, "i'll keep this for our next baby." i must be delusional. next baby is something i swore would never happen and here i am planning for it. wow. this must be that baby bug that people talk about. i don't even want any more babies, i just don't want mine to get any bigger. harper assured me today that even when she is a grown up she will still cuddle with me--we'll see about that. i suppose the best thing that has come out of the changing of the closets is that i realize a little more fully how precious this time is to me. i spent a little more time holding calvary as he fell asleep. i spent a little more time painting harper's little fingernails and held her a little longer while we read a story. this is probably my favorite time in my entire life and i am afraid that nothing else will be able to compare to this and they are quickly growing and i am quickly losing this time! yep, i love them. every single one.