Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Day I Became a Grownup...

So this is the first post of the new blog. Today Calvary is a little over 10 months old, Harper is 2.5 years old, Kyle is 27, and I am 24. It is unbelievable how fast everyone changes, except for Calvary. I think he may remain a baby forever. I will be okay with that. Harper is so impossible that is hurts. She wants to do everything for herself and she never admits weakness. I try, (okay I admit it), to get her to pick a favorite and she never does. Maybe we think that we are born inherently evil but maybe the reality is that we are born beautifully pure and then our parents sink their sneaky, manipulative paws into our flawless souls and turn us into sinning machines. Probably not. Kyle faithfully takes Harper to "JoBells" (BoJangles to me and you but to Harper it is JoBells) and supplies her with grits and cinnamon biscuits--but still she cannot be won with bribery. Calvary--give him a hug and a plate of Niyoshi carrots and he'll be your friend for life. I'm not sure what this means for their teenage years. I hope it means nothing. I am around teenagers all day and I can honestly say that I am not looking forward to having teenagers in my house. I cannot help but to look at each student and weigh the options of my child being like them. Sometimes I revel in the possibility, other times I cringe. The reality is that I have never felt so out of control in all my life. Especially since I cannot find the currency that Harper operates under. My life has officially come full circle. I went from being the student that talked incessantly, to being the teacher that tries to gain control of a classroom of students that talk incessantly. I went from being the teenage daughter that my mother desperately wanted to connect to, to being the mother that fears the isolation that her fiercely independent daughter will inevitably place on her. It is weird how one day the way I look at the world suddenly changed. I thought it would be more subtle than this...I thought growing up was a process: a succession of years labeled " a coming of age tale." but instead, it is more like a day on a calendar, labeled "First Day at a Real Job," or "Marriage," or the real kicker, "Birthday of the First Child." Those days could easily be renamed "The Day I Became a Grownup."

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