Friday's musings...

Things I am loving about this week:

1. Having field trips with my friend/ fellow homeschool mom.
2. Getting a chance to be crafty...even if it means that I am getting very little sleep...with another friend to raise funds for Costa Rica.
3. Signing Kyle up for his immersion Spanish class.
4. Calvary calling Alli to ask her to make his birthday cake. Phone talking is not his strength and he really didn't want to do it, but he did! Of course Alli had already graciously agreed to make him a cake because she loves him...but he didn't know that ;)
5. Having Alli around for many reasons...just a few reasons are because she is an amazing gf baker, her work on our tshirts, and just her overall willingness to help us...we are so grateful.
6. Cleaning off our back deck from the layer of pollen that covered it so that we can now sit out there and do class or drink coffee...love it...
7. Finley and Oliver Jack "reading" their Bible during Bible time. Finley will say, "where do you want me to turn? Corinthians or blue?"
8. Watching my kids play in the sprinkler and with water balloons. We are for sure a summertime family...these kids love warm weather, water, flowers, and being outside giggling and having a good time.
9. Popsicles.
10. Wearing flip flops.
11. Oliver Jack's desire to buy Calvary a birthday present. He has been saving his money and he wants to use it to buy a present and it just makes my heart swoon to see them be so loving to each other.
12. Finley following Oliver Jack around wherever he goes and sitting right beside him on the couch. He pushed her up the hill on his bike yesterday and then ran behind her to "make sure she didn't suddenly jump off".
13. Harper's desire to craft and work with me. She is at the age where is so aware of what is going on and what is being said and wants to be a part of every decision making conversation...sometimes it is aggravating to be honest...but other times it is so sweet to see how much she loves and admires us...if only I could actually deserve that type of admiration.
14. Listening to Oliver Jack and Finley count. They are really into counting right now and they love to count EVERYTHING!
15. Mowing the grass and getting the yard tidied up.
16. Working in the nursery at church.
17. My kids in summer clothes...little girls in summer dresses and little boys in plaid shorts...so sweet.
18. Finley recognizing her name when it is written.
19. Harper's attention to details of picking out her clothes. She loves to put outfits together and try and make things coordinate. Love this part of her getting older.

Friday's musings...

Things I am loving about this week:

1. Spring Break! I got so much laundry done and cleaning done...I am not going to focus on how getting laundry done is a sad barometer of fun...instead I am choosing to focus on how liberating it feels to be caught up on the task!
2. Finley feeling better....she was down from Tuesday night to Monday afternoon with a stomach bug.
3. Watching the kids do Easter egg hunts & finding their Easter baskets.
4. Calvary's excitement over new socks.
5. Oliver Jack saying, "do that 'courageous" thing momma" when I tuck him in at night...I tell him, "You are a kind boy. You are a loving boy. You are a brave boy. You are a courageous boy." He loves it...I love how sweetly he gobbles up those words of affirmation...
6. Kyle's mystery trip he planned and surprised us with last week...not this week, but I didn't muse last week so I had to include it here!...it was so fun. He took us to the zoo, an arcade, and to make it all the more awesome we stayed overnight in a hotel with an indoor pool...the kids loved it!
7. Meeting new people through the common goal of ministry. I have been so humbled by the amount of people willing to help us and educate us as we begin this journey.
8. Christy's new Pygmy goat.
9. Hearing Calvary sing. He has such a beautiful little voice and he always sings worship songs. I just love it so much.
10. Finley not refusing to poop in the potty anymore.
11. Oliver Jack taking care of Finley. He loves her so much...even though she can be so feisty sometimes!
12. Harper telling me that she doesn't want me to go somewhere because she "likes to be around me"...
13. The kids being able to get outside and play and climb trees...
14. Calvary and Oliver Jack playing together. Oliver Jack is learning Calvary's quirks; he knows that Calvary has a difficult time coming up with ideas on his own and he has heard me give Calvary options...so now I overhear Oliver Jack say, "Calvary, here are your options: we can play Legos or we can color. Which do you choose?" Calvary always picks one and off they go!
15. Eating dinner at a restaurant other than fast food...it was a long, long time since we have gone out and it was so nice!
16. Having Chloe and Emmi come over and doing a sewing project...we all had a great time and it was so funny to watch all of the kids sew, paint, and be so proud of their finished products...
17. The kids excitement when Kyle gets home after work.
18. Starting to make tangible steps to get ready for Costa Rica. Making plans for our house, selling or giving away our stuff, and starting to plan fundraisers are making all of this become increasingly real and that much more exciting.

April....

It is kind of perfect that April is Autism Awareness Month because it is also the month of Calvary's birthday...it basically is a month for him :)
I feel somewhat passionate about Autism Awareness not because I am craving people to understand and accept my son (although that would be nice) but more so that people will understand what to look for in their own children so that they can have early intervention.
Knowing the signs, advocating for your child, and being educated on possible forms of treatment are cornerstones of helping your child with Autism have the most success possible.
I often wonder where we would be had my sister-in-law not walked this road with my niece or my child's caretaker not expressed her concerns or had I not listened to either....our road to treatment started before Calvary's third birthday.
God has perfectly created Calvary and my desire is not,and has never been, to "fix" him...Calvary sees the world in such a unique way and his faith is something of which I marvel...my desire is only to understand the world he experiences more fully so that he can enjoy it more fully as well.
The symptoms of being misunderstood have always been what has concerned me most: anxiety, irritability, and aggression.
The meltdowns are not fun. Neither is the rigidity or inability to understand waiting...but what broke my heart was knowing that my son couldn't express what he didn't understand. Sometimes because he didn't have the words to describe it, sometimes because he doesn't understand why would see things any differently, and sometimes because everything was just building and building until none of us could really pin point the trigger. All of this created fear. Fear that we wouldn't understand or that someone would expect him to hug them when he was super uncool with it or that he would have to introduce himself to someone. All of this fear and anxiety made him edgy and quick to fight. His poor body was almost constantly in fight or flight mode...he was so out of whack sensory wise that he was almost constantly on the breaking point of a meltdown.
Yet, now, through understanding why my child is different, helping to find what he needs, and fighting to have those needs met Calvary is a much, much happier child.
This is why Autism Awareness is important to me.
I cannot imagine Calvary going through his whole life feeling misunderstood. We all have moments of feeling misunderstood...those are frustrating moments...but to have one continuous line of that feeling would make any of us want to jump up and down or spin and spin until we could just drown it all out.
I also feel passionate about Awareness because how essential it is for a parent to know what their options are as far as treatment...our culture is drug happy. We want a quick fix and an easy fix. But we all know that quick fixes and easy fixes are not usually the best most lasting fixes. We can put as much tape on a leak as we want but eventually that hose is going to burst...
A year ago Calvary was diagnosed with Asperger's and a mood disorder-NOS.
At that point we were encouraged to try medication because Calvary's moods were so out of control.
We reluctantly agreed that medication was the path we needed to try. We were reluctant not because we didn't agree that medication could be needed but because it broke our hearts to realize that it was.
Although the initial effects were positive, we quickly realized that medication is not without costs. This is another reason I am a big advocate for Autism Awareness. Without being aware of other treatment options we would have been stuck in the vortex of man made pharmaceuticals...and while I am not against medication, in fact I am grateful for the gift of medication, I do believe that it should be used only as a last result.
We found an integrative doctor that combines holistic methods with western medicine (shouldn't all doctors be integrative!!?!!). She found that Calvary has a gluten intolerance as well as an iron store deficiency. Since Calvary, and Kyle, switched to a gluten free diet we have been able to go med free! Calvary's mood is much more stable now and he is far less anxious. He also demonstrates far less rigidity and OCD tendencies.
Awareness means so much more than just knowing that children or adults around you may be autistic. Awareness should lead to understanding. Understanding Calvary makes me a much more effective advocate for him because now I am not trying to fix him; I am trying to bridge the gap.
A year ago we had a therapist sit in a room with me and solemnly tell me that not only does my son have Aspergers but that he also had a mood disorder. She went on to sympathetically offer her support for the meltdowns that we were accustomed to navigating. Her tone, all though very gentle and supportive, left me feeling very hopeless. My faith was rocked and it took me quite a while to remember that God is in control. I stopped letting fear be my guide and started looking to God...
2 weeks ago Calvary's therapist sat in amazement of Calvary's progress.
I believe that choosing faith over fear and realizing that being aware of what Autism is and how it can be treated is a huge reason for how much he is thriving.
My prayer is that I will continue to grow and learn so that as his mother I can thrive as well. Autism Awareness should be so much more than just knowing statistics; it should be an ongoing process of education and acceptance.

Friday's musings...

Things I am loving about this week:

1. The website that Jessica made for our family.
2. Consignment sales and finding cool things like loads of books for Harper for .50 cents a piece!
3. Writing emails in Spanish. Realizing that I can get the general idea of most written Spanish...spoken...well, I am going to work on that one a whole whole whole lot.
4. Watching cartoons in Spanish with the kids...they are gaining some vocabulary and it is really sweet to watch them try.
5. Calvary trying to think of the perfect present for his friend Adam. He has come such a long way from just year ago and moments of thoughtfulness like this are the evidence that we are moving in the right direction.
6. A sweet friend offering her early bird tickets on FB and me being able to have them...I think that these moments of sweet exchange are evidence that there are SO many beautiful souls in the world.
7. The amount of interest and support we have had as we announced our transition into ministry. I am sure that we will have many, many bumpy roads ahead but it is such an awesome blessing to feel the love. :)
8. The friends I have made over the past couple of months. I am inspired by Tara's passion, Traci's sincerity, and Meredith's diligence.
9. Watching how Kyle is totally comfortable outside his "comfort zone" when he is living inside God's calling...
10. Bluebirds nesting in the bird houses in our backyard.
11. Signs of spring...
12. My kids playing outside together.
13. My new bedtime...yes, I gave myself a bedtime so that I would stop staying up so late! I was finding it more and more difficult to get up and be cheery before coffee.
14. Oliver Jack taking care of Finley. He is so sweet to her that it makes my heart just sing.
15. Calvary laughing at my jokes. He laughs like I am the funniest person in the world...and I am not...but he makes me feel like I am.
16. Harper taking her writing test for end of grade testing...and being so "glad we don't do that everyday" and by "that" she means get up early, get dressed, grab breakfast, and go to school...I love realizing that they love it as much as we do.
17. Seeing Susan and Hunter every other Tuesday when we leave Calvary's appointment...it is always nice to see the two of them.
18. Taco soup. It is yummy. Julie made it for us on Sunday afternoon and it was so yummy! Kyle even liked it...his only request is that we stop calling it taco soup and call it "chili" instead.
19. Calvary keeping track of what activities we do on certain days...I sometimes wonder what all is going on in that little head of his...
20. Finley's empathy...she hates for us to be sad or upset...so if we even pretend to be sad or upset it bothers her...she has such a sweet heart...

es para ti...

*this is long...really long...


i have been waiting for the perfect moment to sit down and write this blog.  i know that people have questions about our recent announcement of partnering with ROOM as missionaries in costa rica...and even if there are no questions...there is quite certainly some clarity i am still seeking within this call.  clarity that i know God will continue to give as his plan opens up under our feet.  at first i was scared that i did not have all the answers.  what am i going to do?  how can i help? what if my spanish is even worse than i think?  but then i was reminded of how even paul used words that were not exactly clear such as "perhaps" and "wherever" when he addressed the church of corinth (16:6).  so then i sighed...thanked God for where he has us now...and decided to write.
i don't have all the answers.  but before january i didn't even know that costa rica was in our future!
the best metaphor i can use for this situation is to think of a puzzle.
our family has been doing quite a bit of puzzles lately, much to my own chagrin...even though i do get sucked into them...  whenever we are working on a puzzle each person takes a certain part of the picture. i work on one corner, kyle works on another, harper sorts out the edge pieces, oliver jack runs by with a sticky hand and unknowingly to the rest of us manages to steal key pieces, calvary refuses to work because there are too many pieces and too many workers, and finley distracts us with other puzzles.
when kyle and i finish the parts that we are working on we know that we do not have the full picture.  there are still other parts of the puzzle to be completed.  i only have one specific element of the picture complete and kyle another.  to get a more complete picture we have to combine all of the separate parts.
this is the clearest illustration i can even think to have for where kyle and i are now! we have parts of this puzzle figured out.  we have realized that the past 2 years were a section of the puzzle....before that, my time pursuing a degree in spanish although never used and honestly not very good at it and my time teaching spanish by default of a series of strange circumstances are another section....kyle's time serving on mission teams, learning valuable skills that will be useful in any arena, his love for worship, his countless hours dedicated to coaching and teaching children are another section.
and then, once the picture of costa rica is in place, it will fit in with a bigger picture.
we can see that the puzzle is coming together, but those borders that harper is looking for are not going around just the call of costa rica.  and those pieces that oliver jack keeps stealing and hiding will always eventually be found...even when we don't believe him when he says he has the pieces and it is not until he opens up his little hands with that sneaky grin that we realize that pieces are even missing...and even though finley keeps distracting us with things that are good and fun and sweet...the puzzle will still get finished.  it is our job to stay focused.  and not to be discouraged or overwhelmed by the volume of pieces and the unknown like calvary...to look diligently to the one who knows the complete picture in order to guide our hands at finding the pieces...oh me!  i cannot even imagine trying to put a puzzle together without a picture of what the puzzle is intended to be!
and in this situation, only God knows.  only God knows what he has in store for us in costa rica.
we are grateful for the call.  our hearts are so ready to serve, connect, and build a program in costa rica like ROOM is ministering through in honduras.
currently, ROOM is assisting 27 orphanages in honduras!  that is HUGE!  prior to tara's family moving to honduras, they were only able to assist 4 orphanages.  in one of our first conversations tara briefly introduced me to her vision for ROOM in costa rica and basically stated that ROOM has made contact with 6 orphanages in costa rica and would love to do so much more than they are currently able to do.  in order to reach and assess the needs of these orphanages they would need to plant a missionary family there.

the cool thing is how God works...as they were praying for a family to fill that void and become a missionary family that would help pioneer the vision, God was speaking to my heart and kyle's.

one morning before i was going to meet my friend traci for a playdate with our kids i called kyle just to chat.  during the conversation i told him, "i really feel like God is calling us into missions...to somewhere like costa rica"  he immediately made fun of me for choosing costa rica and i thought that the only reason costa rica came to my heart was because of my general love of spanish culture.  but God placed those words on my lips and in my heart because later that morning as I shared with traci the stirring we have had she said, "where do you want to go? costa rica? or india?".  he placed costa rica in my heart.  and now it is there and every day my love for this country grows and grows.  our love for children has only grown as we have loved and cared for our own children.  knowing them makes it impossible for me to see the suffering of children and not want to do something to minister to their pain.  in costa rica we will be able to put our hands to action and serve children that are hurting and in need of their most basic needs.

the five basic needs which we will be partnering with ROOM to provide for the orphanages in costa rica are:

1. gospel materials.
2. clean water
3. food and nutrition
4. clean living spaces
5. personal hygiene

along with these 5 basic needs, kyle and i will be able to assess other needs that become urgent and particular for costa rica.  

afterall, we are all instructed to "look after the orphans in their distress" (james 1:27) and for us that means answering the call to move to costa rica.  to leave behind our home, our families, our jobs (well...kyle's job) and move to a different country to learn a new language, a new culture, and a gain a deeper understanding of what it means to serve.

for others, it may mean to support, through sponsorship, the work that is being done.  

i have never had a more resolute understanding of what it means to be part of the body of christ than i do right now!  the picture is so clear to me and it is beautiful in its completion.  

romans 12:5 says so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

we all work together to be the body of christ.  the job is too hard and the vision is not our own.  we have all been instructed to take care of the orphans and for each of us that means something different.  we cannot all seek to have the same job or else the body is incomplete.  the hands cannot do the work if the heart is not pumping.  the eyes cannot see if the brain is not translating the images.  we are all uniquely intertwined and connected and intrinsically important.  

there is work to be done and we can accomplish so much more together through God then we could ever dream to do alone. 

the following pictures are from the work in honduras and prayers for what i hope will be done for the children in costa rica...

this picture is of street ministry in honduras

Thanks to Dr. Hernandez, Dr. Jensy, and Dentonics of Monroe, NC, ROOM's dental program just took a huge step forward: cleaning teeth and filling cavities, good prevention for lots of orphanages here!

Another abandoned baby arrived today to the public orphanage as we were leaving

filling in nutritional gaps

repairing and creating safe living environments

this is just a portion of some of the work to be done.  the stories of abandoned children, the image of sick babies, the sheer number of children living in orphanages is heartbreaking...and although i cannot become their mother, i can show them love.  

i can stand in the gap for them.

i can hold their tiny bodies.

i can read them a story.

i can play tag.

i can take them to the doctor.

i can give them clean water and healthy food.

i can answer yes to the call to help God's children.

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. my kids praying and thanking God for each other...my heart rejoices hearing them love each other.
2. watching harper walk down the aisle at her uncle's wedding...she took my breath away.  she is growing up so fast and she has such a beautiful soul.
3. my mom and dad taking the boys to a movie.  they had such an awesome time and it was great that they were able to have some "boy's only" time.
4. kyle's mom and dad coming to the rescue and keeping a sickly finley so that i could go to the wedding.  
5. getting caught up on laundry.  
6. harper and finley sleeping on the floor together in my room.
7. calvary learning more and more how to have self-control and learning the value of being kind to others. 
8. our church's new move! exciting times ahead!
9. going to book stores with my kids...they love books!
10. finley becoming more and more expressive with her words and body language.  she is really ridiculous.
11. seeing how much harper and calvary have learned this year.  i was so unsure of what we were walking into this year but seeing how much they have grown and learned has helped me to become so much more confident for our future.
12. meeting new people...exciting to meet new people and just see wonderful people living for Jesus.
13. the bunny hat that jennifer made for little finley...it is so adorable and i cannot wait to have it in hand and then on finley's head :)
14. my kids excitement for learning spanish...calvary has asked to have a notebook so that he can fill it with all his new words he is learning...they are constantly asking me how to say different phrases (some are more useful phrases than others).  i am so glad that i have the opportunity to spend more time teaching them a second language than what is allocated otherwise.
15. learning that i have SO much to learn.  i am humbled more and more everyday by just how much i think i know versus the realization of what i actually know.  this is true for all areas of my life; spiritually, emotionally, academically, and inter-personally ...
16. week 2 of the new expectation and reward system and, minus a few setbacks earlier this week, the kids are still going strong and their rooms and areas have never been so consistently clean with such little effort on my part!  i am still choosing to rejoice in this victory and praying for continued success in the future...
17. jesus calling devotional...we have been using this devotional in our bible time in the morning and harper and calvary are really responding to the text as well as learning how to find the scriptures in the bible.  finley is totally unimpressed and usually spends this time rolling around on the couch and poking oliver jack in the eye.  oliver jack tries to be interested but usually he is more entertained by finley rolling around and poking him in the eye...
18. finley eating more vegetables and fruit...by no means is she a "healthy eater" but she is SO much more willing to try things than she ever has before...and she actually enjoys some of it too!  
19. kyle and finley's shared love of all things peanuts.  
20. how cute kyle was playing and planning for david's wedding...

friday's musings...

things i am loving about this week...

1. cuddly little babies (or not so little) in my bed.
2. former students contacting me and thinking of me...means more than they could possibly know.
3. phone calls from my children...i am trying to instill in them at a very young age that i want them to call me when they are not home...maybe it will help it not be so weird when they are older?
4. hearing calvary read to his brother and sister.
5. finley calling oliver jack her "little brother" because calvary is her "big brother".
6. kyle not having to work this weekend...boo to weekends where he works.
7. shopping trips with my girls.
8. buying harper a pretty dress that she just loved...we don't buy too many clothes but it was just so sweet to see her love it and then want it...but still not expect it...it was sweet.  i loved it.
9. taking oliver jack on a date.
10. how they love getting hot chocolate at starbucks as part of the fun outings.
11. running with dalila...otherwise i may just die.
12. eating grapefruit for breakfast.
13. using finley's naptime as my "office hours"...i have officially taken this time and use it for bible time, emailing, and the occasional shower...love it.
14. oliver jack loving on me.
15. playing candy land with the kids and having to use lego men or sour patch kids as the pieces because we lost all the real pieces.
16. finley putting her hands on her hips with a look of shock and disgust when something really takes her off guard.
17. calvary dressing finley up so that she can be ready for the ball.
18. our new chore/discipline system...so far it is working...we will rejoice in that !
19. continued hope for my brother...so grateful for the change i see on the horizon
20. my little brother and jessica's awesome news of health!