holding babies...

Monday we visited Hogarcito San Juan Bosco for the second time since we have been here.  This place holds a very special place in our hearts already and we know that our love for the tias and children there will only continue to grow.  

We began our correspondence with Diana, the director at Hogarcito, through email.  I painstakingly constructed an email of introduction in Spanish.  It is very difficult for me to write in Spanish because I generally think in more complex sentences then my limited spanish vocuabulary permits.  Unlike Hogar de Vida, no one at Hogarcito San Juan Bosco speaks English.  We emailed back and forth and Diana invited us to come and meet her and see the facility first hand.  

Again, we nudged the kids awake for an early morning drive for that first visit.  We still had no expectations and only hoped to learn.  

Hogarcito San Juan Bosco is not as large or grand as Hogar de Vida, but it is bright, colorful, clean, and full of love.

We pulled up outside the gate and little eyes slowly started to gather to look at who has come to visit... I am not sure if they rarely have visitors or if they rarely have children as visitors.  Either way, their curiosity definitely had the best of them and they watched us carefully.  

Diana welcomed us warmly and Kyle and I began to describe the best we could what ROOM does and ask her about how her program works.  

She showed us around the facility and went into a room where a sweet girl, no older than 4 months, was sleeping.  She reached down and picked her up and handed that sweet, sleeping baby to me...I was toast after that.  Oliver Jack was smitten and could barely do anything else besides hold her tiny hand and kiss her cheeks.  

While we held that sweet baby, we listened to Diana tell us about Hogarcito San Juan Bosco.

She told us that PANI provides monetary support and that support covers the cost of the salaries of the 6 tias that they have to have there at all times and a large portion of their operating costs and food.  PANI's support is 60% of their monthly budget.  After that 60%, the tias use their own money for whatever needs the children may have.  

We asked her how she covered the remaining 40% and she responded that is was "por la gracia de Dios" and that He somehow made what they have grow and grow....They depend on Him to for daily bread to feed the multitudes.  

She also told us, with a twinkle in her eye, about a room that she was trying to build.  She talked of the room like someone speaks of becoming a doctor or owning a sportscar...like she knew it could be a possibility but also like she is slightly embarassed of having such a goal...but she bashfully described the room to us.  A local architect has already donated the plans for the additonal space that is truly necessary for this facility to be a healthy space for the kids there...they have a list of supplies.  They know the contractor that they will hire to complete the job.  They only need the supplies.

We asked her if she had any supplies yet and she lowered her head and told us no.  

They never have money left over.  And when it comes to buying food or building supplies for a dream addition, they make the purchase that any responsible person would make and they buy food.  

We asked her what her biggest need is month to month and she told us food.

We understand that!  We only have 6 mouths to feed in our home and food is our biggest expense outside of our home...I can only imagine the cost of feeding 17 mouths!

After that initial meeting we left and purchased chicken, baby formula, apples, and then Harper insisted that we also purchase Tang for the kids...Tang...of all the things :)

We left that day feeling a sense of purpose.  This is what God had put in our hearts...these are the faces we saw in the corners of our hearts.  We only wanted Diana and the others there to know that we are truly here.  

Those are the relationships that take work.  

We are all grateful when someone offers help, but help with relationship is much more powerful.

So Monday we visited again.  

This time, Harper and Calvary not only brought bracelets to distribute but they also brought rainbow loom bands to teach the kids.  All of the children were so interested in the bracelets last time that Harper thought they would love a lesson.  

We went and purchased more chicken and formula and headed to Hogarcito.  Even though we had made the arrangements with Diana to come again, her face when she saw us was so different than the first time we met her.  It was not like the face of someone that is suspect of meeting a new person.  It was the face of someone that was genuinely happy to see a friend.  

I am so thankful for that greeting.

The kids immediately set off to play and we immediately started talking with Diana.  

We immediately started find our place in the middle of their normal day.  

One little girl reminded me so much of a friend's daughter at home and we just giggled as we watched her live.  She was spunky and fun and everything she did was with a little smile.  She grabbed my sunscreen and began telling me, "pintarme! pintarme!"...how could I deny her?  

Harper, unsuprisingly, became the best rainbow loom teacher the world has ever known.  

Calvary, suprisingly, jumped in and did his best to teach a little girl how to use her fingers to make the bracelet.  However, his fine motor skills delay make that a more difficult job than it would be for most and he pointed her the way to Harper for further instruction.  Although he was exactly succesful in teaching her, I was just so proud I could pop at the effort.  

While we were playing with the kids, Kyle as working.  Calvary joined him and loved working hard sweeping and scrubbing the sidewalk.  

Finley and Jack...well, they played.  They raced.  Boys laughed uncontrollably at Finley's blue tongue.  They looked at books.  And they climbed and played on the play structures.  

Mostly, we were just there.

I noticed, much like at Hogar de Vida, the immense amount of love their.

Every little girl had their hair lovingly brushed and tied up in little ponytails.

Every child had outifts that were put together with care.

The boys would make bracelets and then run off to give them to their favorite tias...and then come back and say, "2 mas!".

While we were there, a few of the children had to get ready for school...they disappeared for a while and returned wearing perfectly pressed school uniforms.  It was funny to see these boys that were just moments ago laughing and roughhousing suddenly turned into proper students.  

It was sweet to see.  Every child that would come and sit beside me and listen to me speak my slow, Southern spanish was so full of life.  It was like I was looking into the face of hope.  

Our heart would be that each one of these children would have a home.  We, as members of ROOM and as Christians, would love that there would be no need for orphanages at all.  Our goal, in the meantime, is to help these programs run as effictively as lovingly as possible.  

We are so thankful for places like Hogar de Vida and Hogarcito San Juan Bosco that are doing their very best to love on these precious children.  

My personal hope is that ROOM can help make the room that Diana dreams of reality.  As Kyle and I continue to work on translating the list, we plan to offer those materials as an opportunity for everyone to bless this program that is already doing so much to serve and love these kids. Each item that is crossed off that list, even as simple as a box of nails, has such a profound impact on these kids but also on the workers that sometimes feel so alone in their service. 

Harper helping the children make rainbow loom bracelets...

Calvary helping....

Calvary working hard...

the biggest room for the kids.  

Meet Diana.  She is kind, warm, and hopeful.  We are excited to be partnering with her.

Hogar de Vida...

2 weeks ago, we gently nudged our children so that they could begin to dress for our long drive north. The clock said 4:00am...although this seemed early to us, the sun here doesn't seem to agree and it was already beginning to outline the moutains.  We loaded up with cups of cereal in hand and took off.  

We honestly had no idea what to expect.

Our purpose was simply to learn.  

I had spoken with the director of Hogar de Vida on the phone and through email the weeks leading up to our in person visit and I knew that he would be patient with us as we learn and, in his own words, "disciple" us as we become a part of the system in place here in Costa Rica to care and provide for their children.  But I also wanted to represent ROOM well, be a service to Hogar de Vida, and have my children behave perfectly all the while.  

We were late.

Of course.

Thus began our visit.  

Although we left our house in plenty of time to make it by 8:30, once we made it to the city we could not find the building...which is amazing in hindsight because Hogar de Vida is a large span of land, stretching 30,000 sqm, in the relatively (relative to what we are used to in the US) small city.  We asked several people and the directions we were given sent us up, down, and around...but never to Hogar de Vida.  I am not even sure how we finally did find it...I think a man told us "arriba! arriba! arriba!" and we couldn't miss it... We finally arrived a little after 9:00 in the morning.  

In spite of our tardiness, Tim and Hoover greeted us with such kindness and grace.  They quickly welcomed us and invited us to come and sit with them in the rancho.

I immediately began to survey our surroundings and I was truly in awe of what I saw.  Hogar de Vida is like an oasis...it is fitting that we had such a difficult time finding it for that reason!  

Tim shared his heart with us and his passion for serving The Lord.  Over and over he reinterated that all of this work is for the kingdom of God.  Hogar de Vida belongs to The Lord and that truth is evident in the love that is so clearly visible throughout the campus.  

I watched as tias gently guided children from place to place.  

I watched as a little boy fell and immediately turned and ran into the arms of a tia and she lowered herself to soothe him with a hug.

I watched as two young tias sat on a blanket out under the trees and played and cradled two sweet infants.  

The love pouring out is obvious.  And although Hogar de Vida is home to 35 children, it is a place of peace...it lacks the chaos and volume that I am accustomed to in my own home with only 4 children! 

The younger two wanted to play with the kids on the trampoline and they quickly enlisted the help of Harper to ask for them if they could play.  The tia assured them all that they were more than welcome to play and soon all the kids were playing and bouncing on the trampoline.  

During that time, Tim shared even more of his story and the vision for Hogar de Vida.  He desires transperancy, excellence, and a commitment to service...He desires these qualities in himself as well as everyone that comes to work alongside him at Hogar de Vida.  

Hogar de Vida represents all of these qualities.  

Tim's heart for service allows for hosting mission teams where groups can come in and work with the children and in the facility.  He knows that the time where teams can commit to service opens doors to understand the importance of living life as God has called us to live: laying down our lives, loving our neighbors, and loving God.   

In the time that we were there, Tim and Hoover taught us quite a bit about how PANI works and about how his organization works.  

Essentially, the goal of Hogar de Vida is to provide a safe place for children to learn about the love of God.  

On the grounds, there are several individual homes that create a home environment for the children.  The tias are passionate about what they do; it is not simply a paycheck for them.  In fact, the day that we were there we were told a story about a tia that just tearfully told the story of how she resigned from Hogar de Vida as a tia to become the caretaker of a little girl that came in as an infant with special needs.  Her love for the children led her to become a tia and that same love for these children led her to leave and become a foster mother.  It's beautiful, really.

Our hope now is that ROOM can help nurture the love that is already thriving there. Although we know that Hogar de Vida is not likely to be consistent for what we will find here in Costa Rica, we are so thankful that this is our first program because it will serve as a wonderful model for the other programs struggling to find a way to create a family atmosphere for these children. 

We would love to connect churches with this reputable program that is doing so much to impact the kingdom of God through their ministry to the orphans of Costa Rica.  

More information about Hogar de Vida can be found on their website http://www.homesoflife.org/our-program.htm .  

Please contact me if you are interested in connecting with Hogar de Vida for a mission trip, sponsorship of a child, or to sponsor their program.  

Thank you to Hoover for the pictures~

I love this picture above of the kids from one of the houses having dinner.  It speaks volumes to the safe environments that truly inspire to create for these children.  Such precious kids...

Devotion time for kids, tias, staff, and volunteers together...

We are looking forward to building a wonderful relationship with this home!

let the countdown begin...

Our life has been a series of checklists and to-do's lately and I have failed at keeping this blog updated with where we are in preparing for Costa Rica.  I actually despise checklists and to-do's.  For real. I used to think I didn't like lists because I am not especially organized, but while that is true to a degree, I have realized now that my feelings are based more on the feeling that lists are never actually complete.  To-do's are never ending.  Checklists are ever evolving.  And I am never at a point where I feel like I have completed anything.
Lately I have been waiting on just one more item on the list to be completed, only to have another item added.
I have lived in limbo between sticking my head in the sand to being completely overwhelmed.
My emotions are all over the place.
I have decided that I have a responsibility to write about where we are.  So many people have come alongside us in this ministry and are invested in what God is doing through ROOM in Costa Rica and it isn't exactly fair to not keep everyone informed.
So, first, the big and exciting things that have been checked off our list...

• passports for everyone  
• Kyle has officially resigned from his position here.

These two items are huge!  I have been praying for God to confirm to us that this is what He wants for us.  Kyle worked at his company for 10 years.  10 years we invested into 401k, insurance, and the stability of a paycheck every 2 weeks...and we are walking away from it.  Kyle was fearless in the face of this change (which goes against everything that is comfortable for him) and I was a bundle of nerves (which was against everything that I thought I am).  I was praying for peace and confirmation and the last Friday that Kyle worked at Magellan was the very day that we received the kids' passports in the mail.
He is so faithful!
It seems like such a small thing and could be written off as coincidence, but we have waited for those passports for so long and even started wondering if we were going to have to change our plans for departure...and there they were.  As I opened each envelope it was as if God was saying, "Go.  I have this."

Now, here are the things we have left to do...

• purchase our tickets
• book the hotel for the first week
• purchase little, but necessary, purchases for life in CR (sunscreen, bug spray, etc...)
• call Sonlight about curriculum for the 2014-2015 school year
• and about a million other things...

When I look at this list, I feel overwhelmed, because I am not a planner or organizer.  And I am used to us working to provide all these needs on our own.
From the very beginning of this experience, God has shown us that we need to trust His Provision and we are learning that doesn't just mean the big things like our physical needs like our budget for the year but it means EVERYTHING down to His Provision for our emotional needs such as peace and confirmation of calling.

Just this month, we were taught a big lesson on trusting God's provision.
I was driving down the road to go visit my parents when suddenly my car started acting like a lunatic.  I pulled over and was pretty calm, despite Harper's dramatic take control attitude and Calvary's fear that "we'll never get home!!!"  But the damage was done.  The engine was blown and would have to be replaced.  It wasn't something that we just could ignore or make last until we left; we had to fix it.  In order to sell it, or keep it, we had to replace the engine.  Not cheap, in case you were wondering.  To be expected, the cost of the engine was almost exactly what we had saved up to purchase our tickets and hotel...of course it was.  I wasn't discouraged and we were actually thankful that this happened at a time when we had the money in the bank to take care of it.  However, we did wonder why this had happened.  I automatically assumed that this happened because it was a distraction or deterrent meant to obstruct us from getting to CR.
Kyle, however, had a much more on point thought:  He told me immediately that we had not been trusting God's provision.  We had started preparing our own way.  This is not just our calling, but an opportunity for ministry and for others to come along side of us and we have been keeping it all to ourselves...the triumphs and the struggles...until we had "enough" to share.
Without even asking, we have had people step up and help...not only with the cost of repairing our engine, but also with the tickets.
What we tried to do on our own, God intended for others to have that opportunity to partner with us.
We truly have so much to learn...

Thank you for being patient with us as we learn and please keep praying for us as we make these final preparations before leaving at the end of April.
And as we learned over the past several months, we are asking for the help of anyone that would like to help :)

This verse was shared with me by my friend Carole, who is currently in Mexico with her husband distributing shoes and Bibles through Sharing the Sword Ministry, in an email encouraging us as we wait..."Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; YOU ARE MINE. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, Your Savior." (Isaiah 43:1-3 NLT)

6 weeks...

Thanksgiving...

Thanksgiving was strange for me this year...

We are living this life that is completely opposite to everything I pursued and thought to be thankful for in years past.

We gave up the security of our little home on Baird Rd.

We are giving up the security of our income.

We are anticipating and preparing to leave the security of our home country.

In the past, my Thanksgivings were spent thanking God for the provision of these gifts and blessings,  and it made me feel almost ungrateful to know that we are seemingly throwing these gifts to the side. Yet, I have never felt so blessed and so thankful.

We are not pursuing these blessings, yet we have not once gone without a roof for our heads or food for our table.  

We are giving up the security of a set income, yet so many generous people have stepped up and given ensuring that we can do the work that God has called us to do.

My worldview is all topsy turvy and I find myself already struggling with a bit of "culture shock". I oftentimes feel confused as I process why everything feels so different.  But this Thanksgiving I just felt, well, thankful.  Thankfulness often puts us in a place of humility.  We have to admit that we have need beyond our capability to provide and then, on top of that admission, we then have to put aside our pride enough to accept the gift of the need provided.  I have never felt more vulnerable in my thankfulness.  We are completely opposite of the American concept of the self-made man and it feels weird and different but embracing this new concept of the grace made man has awakened in me the ability to see myself for what I am: a person completely reliant on God.

I love that song that says, 

"You give life, You are love

You bring light to the darkness
You give hope, You restore
Every heart that is broken
Great are You, Lord

It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise
We pour out our praise
It's Your breath in our lungs
So we pour out our praise to You only."

And that is exactly what I have understood on a new level this year; it is His breath in my lungs.  With that knowledge, how could I not give everything to Him?

Nothing I have has been mine based on merit...most certainly not...and this short, very protected, experience of reliance on others and God has impacted me deep to core of my soul.  

How much more accountable am I to a gift than I am to something I feel I have earned?!  I want my mom and dad and Kyle's mom and dad to truly feel appreciated for all they have sacrificed to allow us to live in their homes.  I am quite literally incapable of expressing the emotions I feel whenever we see a new donation that comes in to our ROOM account.  It is beautiful and yet this is the accountability I should feel for every breath that I release from my lungs. I am learning that all of this is part of the process of serving God fully.  

We have been praying to have clarity about what it is exactly we will be doing in Costa Rica.  Partly for ourselves and partly so we can have more satisfying answers for people when they ask.  I believe that God gave us the most beautiful picture of what we will be doing through a ministry that my parents got us involved with recently.  My parents have been going downtown with a group from their town to distribute basic needs to the homeless.  Kyle, the kids, and I collected things to distribute and went with them.  Over the times we went, one man spoke with Kyle.  Kyle was worried about him because the temperatures were to be so cold that night so he went to get what he needed.  This man couldn't, and still can't, understand why Kyle would help him.  Kyle told him that he was the only person that spoke with him...seems simple...ask, and it is given.  This is the instruction we are given in the Bible.  Jesus is relational.  During those three years of ministry, he worked through relationships.  He is the same today.  

This is the picture God gave us for what we will be doing in Costa Rica. 

We will tend to His flock.  We will love people through relationships and prayerfully meet their needs as God provides.  Of course resources are necessary to make this possible.  But resources alone do not solve a problem.  What has affected this man and Kyle and I so much is knowing that God cares for us individually to the point where someone would seek us out and meet our needs.  

None of this is possible on any one person's abilities.  It is a beautiful circle of relationships and generosity.  We are accountable and thankful for the generosity of our sponsors in ways that we never could be if we were solely supporting ourselves and then, through relationships and generosity, these little ones will know that they are loved by God.  So through all of this, God has shown me that my life is about emptying.  

His breath is in my lungs...and I am not asked to hold it.

His love is is in my heart...and I am not asked to keep it for myself.

My house was given to me for me to open.

My life was given to me for me to lay down. 

My world view led me to believe that because God loves me individually, I am blessed.  This year, I realized that because God loves me, and you, and you, and you, and you individually He has equipped us with the ability and privilege of relying on Him and others to meet needs.

Thanksgiving is not about what I have; it is about what I am giving.

Faces...

My children are sleeping soundly in the room with me...they are so close that I can hear the whispered sounds of their sleepy breathing. I look at their sweet faces in their cozy, matching pjs and my face turns up in an involuntary smile...I just can't help it...I love them so much. And my mind starts racing with questions...
What if I was not their mother?
What if I couldn't care for them?
What if I didn't want to care for them?
What if I died?
What if I was stricken with such abject poverty that I could not provide any of their basic needs?
What if I was so deep in addiction that I could not think of anything else?

Would that change their value? Would that lessen the sweetness of their sleepy faced innocence?
When I think of what we are about to be a part of, I think of my own children.

Some of these children will be adopted into homes that will be their forever homes. They will be loved by their forever mamas and sleep quietly beside them while their mamas think about just how much love they have for this child...
And for those mamas, I need to care for their babies while they are waiting...

Some of these children will be too young, too sick, or otherwise unable to voice their needs...and, oh, do I know what it is like to advocate for the needs of one of these special blessings.
And I pray that I will be their voice.

Some of these children may never be adopted.
My heart breaks to write this.
I look at my four and the thought of them not having a mother or father that calls them by name is almost too much to bear.
And for those children, I pray that they will see a glimpse of their true Forever Daddy in the love that we give.

“Orphans are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes” -David Platt

The faces of the orphans reflect the faces of my own children...and not only can I not ignore them, but I can not get them out of my mind...
It is not my job to find every orphan a home...but it is my job to care for them.
And I smile at the blessing it is...

Heart on fire...

I was feeling nostalgic the other night and I decided to look through pictures tucked away nicely on our computer...I would smile and excitedly show Calvary pictures of himself when he was so tiny and squishy and after the fourth or fifth venture over to the screen he looked at me and said, "okay, I'm done looking now." I chuckled a little and felt a twinge of sadness that he didn't reciprocate my love of looking at these pictures.

And then I found this picture.

 

I just stared at it for what seemed like the longest time and the emotion evoked from deep within matched perfectly the emotion I feel when I think of leaving this life and moving to Costa Rica. It is an emotion I can only describe as my heart being on fire.
The look on Harper's face as she emerged from the baptismal waters, eyes fixed on Kyle, smile beaming is one of security, acceptance, and adoration...all together combined into one word: love.
I wish I was better at explaining myself...my words fail me...but what I can say is that God has created each and every person to know the type of love that Harper so evidently knows.

When I think about children going to sleep without knowing that they are loved, I think of Oliver Jack and how every night he asks me "to do that 'courageous' thing" and I proceed to tell him that he is a smart boy, a handsome boy, a kind boy, a loving boy, a brave boy, a strong boy, and a courageous boy.
When I think about children feeling alienated and alone, I think of Calvary and how overwhelmingly often I am working to bridge the gap between what I understand and what I know so that he does not have to feel that way.
When I think about girls being sold into slavery, I think of my Harper...and those are thoughts no mother can bear.
When I think about children not knowing how deeply they are loved, I think of Finley and how I feel like she tells me 100 times a day that she loves me just to hear me say it back.

My children are no different from them. Simply because they do not have names or faces yet does not make them any less intimately significant. My heart is on fire because it aches to be in a place that I have never been loving people I have never met...it aches as if I have been there...it aches as if I already know them...in the same way that I look at this picture and my heart aches remembering the moment and the love...

Every day we are closer to being there as the ties we have here are loosened. With the pain of each sacrifice, I rejoice in the truth of purpose...the purpose of loving people now, here and later, there and hopefully everywhere in between.

nostalgia, yard sales, and other happenings...

this past weekend was a whirlwind to say the very least.  i am finally feeling 100% recovered and my spirit is in full prayer mode for the next big hurdle in our path...our lovely home (or it has potential to be lovely if someone other than myself lives in it with time to clean and keep the outside from looking like a daycare).
but first...just a moment to sit in relish in the workings of the Lord and reflect on His goodness and blessings.
we have started this process with only the assurance that God had called us to costa rica and the belief that His provision would draw us into full preparation.  and at each step i am just amazed at how He has done just that.
we had our first fundraiser/yard sale at my childhood home this past weekend and i just want to rejoice in what the Lord did through that event.
we were able to make a little over $1,800.00 at a yard sale manned by mostly just myself, kyle, and my mom and dad!
we had so much support that i felt all ooey and gooey all weekend long.  i just wish i had the words to express what it does for my heart and spirit to see our family come alongside of us and work with us to accomplish this calling.  it has truly been beautiful to me.
my sweet mom and dad worked their little bodies to the extreme and graciously opened their home to us and all the joys that come with countless children fending for themselves in the midst of chaos.
i had been praying all week that the sale would be successful and even praying specifically that we would make between 1,500-2,000.  friday evening we parked the biggest u-haul you can get in their driveway and they unflinchingly jumped in to start unloading and organizing.  kyle and i had loaded the truck to the brim with donations from christy, jennifer, alli and david, my aunt and uncle and cousins, kyle's mom and dad, and my like-family-friend linda maxine.  the truck was seriously loaded to the brim.  when kyle arrived at my parents' house (who plans a yard sale the weekend of the race?!?!) he slowly started to open the back and as he lifted the gate trinkets started spilling out like a closet shoved full.
i thought it was funny then.
i didn't think it was funny saturday morning.
i started to panic a little on saturday realizing that if all this stuff did not sell then we would be in quite a state trying to figure out how to get all this stuff back to our home...i started praying again...and i just kept pulling stuff out and setting it up and praying.
and before i knew it we were surrounded by a sea of gray make room for the murray shirts and i forgot about all my apprehension.
my mom's neighbors jumped right in and offered their help and our sale spread out over all three yards.  it was massive.
we were still selling things at 6:00 when i had to leave to meet  one of my former students in belmont...my dad eventually had to shut everything down and make my little momma come inside to get some rest...
by the time we donated stuff to the homeless ministry in charlotte and christian mission in mooresville we were down to only 1 truck load to bring back home!
God is so good...i am not sure why i even fret at all...i guess denying my concerns would keep me from seeing his faithfulness at times though :)
the biggest blessing in all of this was all the support.
at almost the same exact time we had people from different times in our lives all gathered with us in the front yard of my parents' home. it was the biggest gift, the biggest encouragement, and the biggest picture of what i hope to bring with me to minister to the lives of the children in costa rica.
i know i keep saying it, and i fear it may become trite, but we truly are just so grateful and so humbled.

The next step...

Sooooo things are getting real now. I referenced in my last post that the conference I had attended the week before helped to prepare my heart for what was about to happen next...and that "next" thing is the selling of just about all of our earthly possessions in an attempt to ready ourselves for the call to serve in Costa Rica.
After hugging my husband and children and soaking in all the sweetness that comes with being missed, I looked around to see that my husband had been quite busy while I was away!
Our living room was noticeably bare...
The school room had no furniture...
The garage was starting to fill with boxes and furniture...
And it hit me.
Of course I knew that this was part of the process; of course I had already planned what was going to sell and what we would store....but knowing only takes my heart part of the way to the destination...
So this week while Kyle has been away I have been sorting and gathering and preparing. I am not going to lie and say that it has not been tough. But I will say that it has been more like a labor pain...labor is NOT fun...but it is worth it.
I have not questioned what we are doing. That assurance can only come from The Lord. It also gives me great assurance that God is ready to see the fruit of labor in Costa Rica! Oh, the plans He must have for that country!!!
I have loved reading and hearing about the flood of beautiful things happening in Honduras and my heart is so encouraged and excited!
I know in my heart and spirit that all that we have here on earth is temporal, but practicing that knowledge is not always as easy...but the testimony of the great work being done there has encouraged me in ways unimaginable.
That being said, I hope that if anyone local would want to come out and support us we would be so grateful and so excited to see your faces!
The kids are going to have a lemonade stand and a bake sale...they have so generously gone through their own toys and decided what they will give up...my dad is going to be grilling hot dogs....my mom is selling Tupperware and 31 as a fundraiser....Marsha Chester has offered to sell Celebrating Home as a fundraiser for ROOM...many of our sweet friends donated generously of their stuff for us to sell...it is going to be a good day.
We are celebrating the work that is being done, we are celebrating the part we are so blessed to play, and we are celebrating what is yet to come!
If you cannot attend, but would like to donate please follow the website makeroomforthemurrays.com and it will link you to the Razoo site where you can securely make a donation.
Please check out Tara Garcia's Facebook page to get a look into the things happening in Honduras. Or check out her blog, taramakeroom.blogspot.com.

Shine...

this past week i was given a fantastic opportunity to go to a conference at celebration church in jacksonville, fl.  kyle and his parents so very graciously worked together to pick up my duties with the kids and the kids, from what information i have been given, behaved beautifully.  they even missed me a little too.  

one of the biggest gifts i was given this week was the gift of assurance of purpose. i haven't really questioned God's calling of our family to costa rica because everything has been so dripping in "only God" moments that to doubt has not really been a possibility.  

yet, though i do not doubt the calling, it is nice to have that assurance.  it is kind of like when a bride is about to walk down the aisle and her maid of honor tells her that it is going to be okay.  or when a new mother looks nervously at her newborn and the nurse tells her that it is going to be okay.  or when a student, who has studied for a test, is assured by their teacher that they are going to do great.  in all of these situations the person doesn't doubt what they are doing...but that assurance calms the spirit.  

and that is what God did for me this week; He calmed my spirit.

in one of the very first sessions, kerri weems taught on the difference between having drive and being driven.  she explained that it is a misconception that the work of Christ is laborious...when God is working with you and through you, He is also carrying the yoke.  the work may not be easy, but it will not crush you.  throughout this process, kyle and i have been amazed at how not scary it all has been.  we certainly have our work cut out for us, and each step requires a little more work, but we have not been tired...we have not dreaded the steps...and we have done things that we have never dreamed we were capable.  and in all reality, we are not capable...but with God carrying the yoke, the work is getting done.  

the following day priscilla shrier spoke on the nature of God, specifically, his patience.  when i think about my inadequacy to be used by God to do anything meaningful i am humbled to the point of almost inaction.  i begin to doubt how He could possibly want me or entrust me with his precious children. but in 1 timothy 1:16, God is described as having "perfect patience"...His patience is proved in how he justifies me as a sinner, he sanctifies me in spite of my penchant for sin, and then, after all of that, He uses me.  the process is big and little...when i think of where i have been and what it has taken me to get to the point where God would entrust me as a missionary, i realize how patient He is...but then, his patience is proved again in the fact that this process is done over and over again daily.  my spirit was once again calmed by this because i was reassured that God does not expect me to suddenly have it all together...He is patient...and in His perfect patience He will make me ready.

message after message, God spoke to my spirit.  seeing the significance of my life as a weapon in God's arsenal made me see even more so the significance of every life as saving.  just staring at a sea of women, seeing each of their faces, and knowing, truly knowing, that each one of them is significant to God is beautiful.  in understanding this significance it becomes simple to understand how and why he would ask us to give up our house, our jobs, and everything we know here to move to costa rica and serve the orphans.  

on the last night of worship i looked around as the crowd of people sang out to God...it was truly one of the most beautiful sights i have ever seen.  

women were singing with the fullness of their voices...

their arms were stretched out as far as they could reach reminding me of my children reaching out to me when they want me to pick them up and pour my love into them...

and it seemed as if not a single person realized that they were not alone in the room with their God.  

their faces reflected the joy of their hearts and the whole room was filled with an overwhelming atmosphere of love and peace.  

i thought to myself, this is what heaven will be like.  

and while i am sure that this picture does not do the sight that i experienced i know that it will serve as a reminder to me of the beauty of a life laid down.  

in this moment, all of the people in the building were completely surrendered to Christ...and it was beautiful.

and, perfect to His nature, the calming of my spirit was perfectly timed as we prepare for the next big step in the journey to costa rica...

es para ti...

*this is long...really long...


i have been waiting for the perfect moment to sit down and write this blog.  i know that people have questions about our recent announcement of partnering with ROOM as missionaries in costa rica...and even if there are no questions...there is quite certainly some clarity i am still seeking within this call.  clarity that i know God will continue to give as his plan opens up under our feet.  at first i was scared that i did not have all the answers.  what am i going to do?  how can i help? what if my spanish is even worse than i think?  but then i was reminded of how even paul used words that were not exactly clear such as "perhaps" and "wherever" when he addressed the church of corinth (16:6).  so then i sighed...thanked God for where he has us now...and decided to write.
i don't have all the answers.  but before january i didn't even know that costa rica was in our future!
the best metaphor i can use for this situation is to think of a puzzle.
our family has been doing quite a bit of puzzles lately, much to my own chagrin...even though i do get sucked into them...  whenever we are working on a puzzle each person takes a certain part of the picture. i work on one corner, kyle works on another, harper sorts out the edge pieces, oliver jack runs by with a sticky hand and unknowingly to the rest of us manages to steal key pieces, calvary refuses to work because there are too many pieces and too many workers, and finley distracts us with other puzzles.
when kyle and i finish the parts that we are working on we know that we do not have the full picture.  there are still other parts of the puzzle to be completed.  i only have one specific element of the picture complete and kyle another.  to get a more complete picture we have to combine all of the separate parts.
this is the clearest illustration i can even think to have for where kyle and i are now! we have parts of this puzzle figured out.  we have realized that the past 2 years were a section of the puzzle....before that, my time pursuing a degree in spanish although never used and honestly not very good at it and my time teaching spanish by default of a series of strange circumstances are another section....kyle's time serving on mission teams, learning valuable skills that will be useful in any arena, his love for worship, his countless hours dedicated to coaching and teaching children are another section.
and then, once the picture of costa rica is in place, it will fit in with a bigger picture.
we can see that the puzzle is coming together, but those borders that harper is looking for are not going around just the call of costa rica.  and those pieces that oliver jack keeps stealing and hiding will always eventually be found...even when we don't believe him when he says he has the pieces and it is not until he opens up his little hands with that sneaky grin that we realize that pieces are even missing...and even though finley keeps distracting us with things that are good and fun and sweet...the puzzle will still get finished.  it is our job to stay focused.  and not to be discouraged or overwhelmed by the volume of pieces and the unknown like calvary...to look diligently to the one who knows the complete picture in order to guide our hands at finding the pieces...oh me!  i cannot even imagine trying to put a puzzle together without a picture of what the puzzle is intended to be!
and in this situation, only God knows.  only God knows what he has in store for us in costa rica.
we are grateful for the call.  our hearts are so ready to serve, connect, and build a program in costa rica like ROOM is ministering through in honduras.
currently, ROOM is assisting 27 orphanages in honduras!  that is HUGE!  prior to tara's family moving to honduras, they were only able to assist 4 orphanages.  in one of our first conversations tara briefly introduced me to her vision for ROOM in costa rica and basically stated that ROOM has made contact with 6 orphanages in costa rica and would love to do so much more than they are currently able to do.  in order to reach and assess the needs of these orphanages they would need to plant a missionary family there.

the cool thing is how God works...as they were praying for a family to fill that void and become a missionary family that would help pioneer the vision, God was speaking to my heart and kyle's.

one morning before i was going to meet my friend traci for a playdate with our kids i called kyle just to chat.  during the conversation i told him, "i really feel like God is calling us into missions...to somewhere like costa rica"  he immediately made fun of me for choosing costa rica and i thought that the only reason costa rica came to my heart was because of my general love of spanish culture.  but God placed those words on my lips and in my heart because later that morning as I shared with traci the stirring we have had she said, "where do you want to go? costa rica? or india?".  he placed costa rica in my heart.  and now it is there and every day my love for this country grows and grows.  our love for children has only grown as we have loved and cared for our own children.  knowing them makes it impossible for me to see the suffering of children and not want to do something to minister to their pain.  in costa rica we will be able to put our hands to action and serve children that are hurting and in need of their most basic needs.

the five basic needs which we will be partnering with ROOM to provide for the orphanages in costa rica are:

1. gospel materials.
2. clean water
3. food and nutrition
4. clean living spaces
5. personal hygiene

along with these 5 basic needs, kyle and i will be able to assess other needs that become urgent and particular for costa rica.  

afterall, we are all instructed to "look after the orphans in their distress" (james 1:27) and for us that means answering the call to move to costa rica.  to leave behind our home, our families, our jobs (well...kyle's job) and move to a different country to learn a new language, a new culture, and a gain a deeper understanding of what it means to serve.

for others, it may mean to support, through sponsorship, the work that is being done.  

i have never had a more resolute understanding of what it means to be part of the body of christ than i do right now!  the picture is so clear to me and it is beautiful in its completion.  

romans 12:5 says so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

we all work together to be the body of christ.  the job is too hard and the vision is not our own.  we have all been instructed to take care of the orphans and for each of us that means something different.  we cannot all seek to have the same job or else the body is incomplete.  the hands cannot do the work if the heart is not pumping.  the eyes cannot see if the brain is not translating the images.  we are all uniquely intertwined and connected and intrinsically important.  

there is work to be done and we can accomplish so much more together through God then we could ever dream to do alone. 

the following pictures are from the work in honduras and prayers for what i hope will be done for the children in costa rica...

this picture is of street ministry in honduras

Thanks to Dr. Hernandez, Dr. Jensy, and Dentonics of Monroe, NC, ROOM's dental program just took a huge step forward: cleaning teeth and filling cavities, good prevention for lots of orphanages here!

Another abandoned baby arrived today to the public orphanage as we were leaving

filling in nutritional gaps

repairing and creating safe living environments

this is just a portion of some of the work to be done.  the stories of abandoned children, the image of sick babies, the sheer number of children living in orphanages is heartbreaking...and although i cannot become their mother, i can show them love.  

i can stand in the gap for them.

i can hold their tiny bodies.

i can read them a story.

i can play tag.

i can take them to the doctor.

i can give them clean water and healthy food.

i can answer yes to the call to help God's children.