our days in my favorite pictures from my phone:
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
let's go fly a kite...
Sunday, April 15, 2012
calvary is 6!
yesterday we celebrated calvary's sixth birthday and as always i struggled with finding the perfect way to make this day happy for him. with my other kids, the bigger the better. too much created excitement paired with the natural excitement of anticipation is the recipe for meltdowns for calvary but at the same time i want to make a big deal out of the day that he came into this world!
this year we had planned to take calvary to the beach and then go to the pirate show. we thought it was the perfect plan. calvary asked if we would take him to the lego store for his birthday and it is pretty hard to argue with someone that has a specific request...especially when that request is far simpler than the plan already in place. kyle's mom and dad agreed to watch the rest of our crew and we planned to spend the day with calvary shopping for legos. it also worked out perfectly because my mom and dad were supposed to be in town for my cousin's baby shower and kyle's mom and dad graciously agreed to allow us to have cake and ice cream at their house to finish off the day.
we started the day with blue pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. after breakfast i decided that it was time for me to sing happy birthday to my boy...he didn't agree and hid under his bed and covered his ears. thankfully i have learned not to take this kind of behavior too personally. we eventually got everyone dressed and in the car...along with our cake...as we drove to kyle's parents house i noticed that calvary was getting increasingly agitated. he mostly kept his head down with his hands over his ears...once we got to kyle's parent's house calvary declared that he was not getting out of the car. i am pretty sure this had to do with two things: 1. he wanted to get going as quick as possible and 2. he wanted to avoid the inevitable attention and showering of affection. we made him go inside and reminded him that grandmommy and grandaddy were doing a lot to make this a special day for him so we needed to be grateful...i am not sure how grateful he acted but he went inside :)
once we got into the car it was like a switch was flipped and calvary was happy and excited. we made it to the mall and he was still all smiles. we let him pick where we were going to eat and i told him he could pick whatever he wanted to drink...he chose sprite...he's never one to stray from what he knows. once we finished eating we finally made it to the lego store. he was just a blur of grins. almost every picture i took of him has some blurry part to it because he couldn't make him stand still.
a few employees tried to make casual conversation with him which he straight up ignored. he was focused. we shopped around and he eventually decided that he wanted to get ninjago stuff over star wars stuff and he was not satisfied with their selection...(it has been surprisingly difficult to find ninjago stuff). we told him that we could go to more stores and he didn't have to choose from the lego store. he started to play the games and we realized pretty quickly that we needed to make our exit before we had too much of a good thing.
we made our way to the candy store where calvary loaded up on candy legos (of course) and candy corn (his favorite candy).
calvary was ready to find his gift so we left and headed across the street to toys r us. thankfully calvary found what he was looking for and he was ready to go...he started telling us he was ready to go home mostly because he wanted to put his set together.
kyle immediately set to work helping calvary get his ninjago set together and kyle's mom worked on cooking dinner (she really took on all the hard work for me and somehow i was still exhausted by the end of the day). my mom and dad came over and we had cake. calvary did awesome during singing and was being silly. he opened his presents and gave everyone hugs. we spent the rest of the evening putting together legos and hanging out until it was ready to go home and get to bed. once we got home i still needed to measure calvary on the wall. he specifically asked that we wait until the end of the day so that he could have as much time to grow as possible. it must have paid off because he had grown about 3 inches since his last birthday! he is already taller than harper was when she was 7. a fact that he is quite proud of.
overall, i would say it was a perfect day. calvary was happy and i feel like we found the perfect balance between routine and adventure to make it a special day for him. i am so thankful for him and i am so excited to see what this year has in store for him...
this year we had planned to take calvary to the beach and then go to the pirate show. we thought it was the perfect plan. calvary asked if we would take him to the lego store for his birthday and it is pretty hard to argue with someone that has a specific request...especially when that request is far simpler than the plan already in place. kyle's mom and dad agreed to watch the rest of our crew and we planned to spend the day with calvary shopping for legos. it also worked out perfectly because my mom and dad were supposed to be in town for my cousin's baby shower and kyle's mom and dad graciously agreed to allow us to have cake and ice cream at their house to finish off the day.
we started the day with blue pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. after breakfast i decided that it was time for me to sing happy birthday to my boy...he didn't agree and hid under his bed and covered his ears. thankfully i have learned not to take this kind of behavior too personally. we eventually got everyone dressed and in the car...along with our cake...as we drove to kyle's parents house i noticed that calvary was getting increasingly agitated. he mostly kept his head down with his hands over his ears...once we got to kyle's parent's house calvary declared that he was not getting out of the car. i am pretty sure this had to do with two things: 1. he wanted to get going as quick as possible and 2. he wanted to avoid the inevitable attention and showering of affection. we made him go inside and reminded him that grandmommy and grandaddy were doing a lot to make this a special day for him so we needed to be grateful...i am not sure how grateful he acted but he went inside :)
once we got into the car it was like a switch was flipped and calvary was happy and excited. we made it to the mall and he was still all smiles. we let him pick where we were going to eat and i told him he could pick whatever he wanted to drink...he chose sprite...he's never one to stray from what he knows. once we finished eating we finally made it to the lego store. he was just a blur of grins. almost every picture i took of him has some blurry part to it because he couldn't make him stand still.
a few employees tried to make casual conversation with him which he straight up ignored. he was focused. we shopped around and he eventually decided that he wanted to get ninjago stuff over star wars stuff and he was not satisfied with their selection...(it has been surprisingly difficult to find ninjago stuff). we told him that we could go to more stores and he didn't have to choose from the lego store. he started to play the games and we realized pretty quickly that we needed to make our exit before we had too much of a good thing.
we made our way to the candy store where calvary loaded up on candy legos (of course) and candy corn (his favorite candy).
calvary was ready to find his gift so we left and headed across the street to toys r us. thankfully calvary found what he was looking for and he was ready to go...he started telling us he was ready to go home mostly because he wanted to put his set together.
kyle immediately set to work helping calvary get his ninjago set together and kyle's mom worked on cooking dinner (she really took on all the hard work for me and somehow i was still exhausted by the end of the day). my mom and dad came over and we had cake. calvary did awesome during singing and was being silly. he opened his presents and gave everyone hugs. we spent the rest of the evening putting together legos and hanging out until it was ready to go home and get to bed. once we got home i still needed to measure calvary on the wall. he specifically asked that we wait until the end of the day so that he could have as much time to grow as possible. it must have paid off because he had grown about 3 inches since his last birthday! he is already taller than harper was when she was 7. a fact that he is quite proud of.
 |
| happy boy |
 |
| pizza and sprite: to be expected |
 |
| nothing but blurs and grins... |
 |
| hold the box up to the screen and it shows what the contents look like once built and adds animation... |
 |
| focused... |
 |
| and frustrated. |
 |
| more blurs and grins... |
 |
| happily eating candy blocks and candy corn... |
 |
| you know he is happy if oliver jack is allowed to be this close to him and his stuff. |
 |
| angry birds cake |
 |
| i love him. |
 |
| more blurs... |
 |
| and grins... |
 |
| oh harper...it was bound to happen :) |
Friday, April 13, 2012
friday's musings...
things i am loving about this week:
- hearing finley call oliver jack "jack jack". it has been so long since any of us have called him the name harper gave him while inutero and it was a refreshing dose of nostalgia for this momma's heart.
- harper and calvary's reluctance (well reluctance for harper and straight up refusal for calvary) to return to school after spring break.
- calvary asking, "when will we have another week like that?".
- oliver jack doting on finley. holding her hand in the car, lightly putting his hand on her back as she walks around the room, pretending like she is faster than him when they race, and looking after her in nursery at church are just a few of my favorites.
- finley sleeping in a big girl bed without a huge ordeal...never thought it would happen.
- harper. i woke up this morning just completely in love with this girl...i am thankful for a renewed awareness for just how much i love her.
- kyle hunting for bargain books for harper. i love that he makes special trips just to find her books.
- harper's claim that she has read every book in our house. we have LOTS and LOTS of books. LOTS.
- calvary's star wars sticker book that he works on at night in his bed.
- finley's dancing.
- overhearing harper and calvary talking about the healing of the blind man while swinging at the park.
- calvary's overall disgust of jesus putting spitty mud in the man's eyes.
- finley's hair in pig tails.
- watching finley bounce on the trampoline...love that she thinks she is jumping and two feet never leave the ground at the same time.
- calvary's love for spinach leaves...raw.
- oliver jack telling me or kyle or harper or finley or calvary that he loves us randomly many times a day.
- oliver jack walking around talking about his new favorite weapon, "the cat with nine tails"...i hope he got more from the story than this.
- having chloe and emmi come to play for a couple of days of their spring break...getting to take them to eat lunch with harper and calvary.
- fun projects to do with my cricut.
- painting again...i haven't painted in probably close to 5 years. fun to have a project to work on that makes me get everything out and dusted.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
figuring it all out...
i have been muddling through all of my emotions for the past couple of months and trying to re-align my worldview the best that i can in the face of learning that our oldest son is one of the many children affected by asperger's.
the moment that the doctor told us that, yes, we were indeed looking at asperger's i was surprised by the overwhelming influx of sadness i felt. i expected this result. i knew something was off. if anything, i was afraid that my concerns wouldn't be validated. yet, somehow, when she uttered those words i held back tears. i tried to listen as she pointed out resources but mostly i was just concentrating on not looking like a blubbering mess...not that i suspect she would have thought anything of that (i was a blubbering mess throughout my interview).
this is where we are. having a diagnosis doesn't change anything but at the same time is changes everything. the emotions are complicated.
at the end of the day calvary is still calvary.
he is my boy who hates change-even if that change is good-even if that change is going to the park for a picnic and bubbles.
he is my boy who despises collard shirts and button shirts-to the point that wearing them is a battle for days-to the point that i rarely try-to the point that i have started buying him lego star wars shirts just to not have to fight anymore.
he is my boy who is amazingly good at computers and video games-to the point that his skills are far superior to other kids his age-to the point that his skills are superior to mine-
he is my boy who struggles with social chit chat
he is my boy who often finds a way to leave the party...even if the party includes friends of his own.
he is my boy who rarely wants to give a hug or kiss.
he is my boy who has meltdowns that are NOT a result of being spoiled or unparented.
he is my boy who has super hearing-to the point where he covers his ears when he flushes the toilet-to the point that he often loses it in spaces where sounds are competing.
he is my boy who is passionate about the things that he loves-to the point that he cannot do anything else-to the point that others might call it an obsession-to the point that i am now learning about star wars in spite of the fact that i never, ever would have believed it would happen.
he is my boy who doesn't understand how to process his emotions-to the point that almost everything comes out as anger.
he is my boy who sees the world quite literally-to the point that i often have to translate for him-to the point that i overhear many funny replies (a little boy said to him, "are you dreaming?!" to which calvary responded, "no. i am awake. i am standing right here.")
he is my boy who has always seen the world in numbers and patterns-to which i know nothing about-
he is my boy who always has random facts about things i never knew he knew about-did you know that snakes smell with their tongues? he does.-
he is my boy that wants to be social but sometimes doesn't have the energy to make the effort.
he is my boy.
the diagnosis didn't change that for me. what it has done for me is help me understand. it has helped me understand why things have always been different for him. i labeled blogs about calvary "the world of calvary" so long ago because for so long it has been evident that his world and the way he sees it are entirely different. i understand why he has never responded to the parenting techniques for tantrums that i have read about and tried. i now understand why he doesn't modify his behavior for his surroundings like most children his age will. he shouts in the parking lot of target just as much as he shouts at home. i also understand now why i cannot force him to be a typical child. i have to modify my approach in order to expect success. and i have to modify my definition of success. understanding why things are the way they are has been such a liberating emotion for me but even better than that is the window i have been given in to his world. understanding calvary, in the most skeletal way possible, has started to transform our home.
understanding is only one side of the diagnosis coin; the flip side of that coin has been the questions that it has brought. i question everything. should i home school? in what resources should i invest? how can we afford this? what can i expect from him? how do i help his siblings understand why life is different for him? how do i keep my younger children from modeling some of calvary's less than desirable attributes?
the biggest question that i didn't expect myself to ask is,"why?". i have started hypothesising reasons calvary has asperger's. last week, when i was about 2 hours into my research between the connection to pyloric stenosis and asperger's, i realized what i was doing. i guess it seems pretty natural to want to understand why. of course nothing is changed by the answer to that question for calvary's life, but it is interesting to connect the pieces. we can find people in our family tree that closely resemble our oldest son. there is also a connection between the gut and brain that i have found deeply interesting.
mostly, i am still the same. i am still trying to understand what i need to do for him. just like i am still trying to understand what i need to do for harper, oliver jack, and finley. this diagnosis has not changed my world; my world was changed the minute he was born (in all ways wonderful and challenging). but i am in a new world of information. and i do feel overwhelmed.
i have realized how much i need to educate the people around me about the unique qualities of asperger's. calvary is bright. he doesn't need people to feel sorry for him. he needs people to be patient with him. it makes me think of colonizing a foreign land...understand his customs and beliefs and he will be much more receptive and peaceful to your customs and beliefs :)
and maybe a little grace for me...instead of the downward gazes of judgement of my parenting.
never was a child more loved.
the moment that the doctor told us that, yes, we were indeed looking at asperger's i was surprised by the overwhelming influx of sadness i felt. i expected this result. i knew something was off. if anything, i was afraid that my concerns wouldn't be validated. yet, somehow, when she uttered those words i held back tears. i tried to listen as she pointed out resources but mostly i was just concentrating on not looking like a blubbering mess...not that i suspect she would have thought anything of that (i was a blubbering mess throughout my interview).
this is where we are. having a diagnosis doesn't change anything but at the same time is changes everything. the emotions are complicated.
at the end of the day calvary is still calvary.
he is my boy who hates change-even if that change is good-even if that change is going to the park for a picnic and bubbles.
he is my boy who despises collard shirts and button shirts-to the point that wearing them is a battle for days-to the point that i rarely try-to the point that i have started buying him lego star wars shirts just to not have to fight anymore.
he is my boy who is amazingly good at computers and video games-to the point that his skills are far superior to other kids his age-to the point that his skills are superior to mine-
he is my boy who struggles with social chit chat
he is my boy who often finds a way to leave the party...even if the party includes friends of his own.
he is my boy who rarely wants to give a hug or kiss.
he is my boy who has meltdowns that are NOT a result of being spoiled or unparented.
he is my boy who has super hearing-to the point where he covers his ears when he flushes the toilet-to the point that he often loses it in spaces where sounds are competing.
he is my boy who is passionate about the things that he loves-to the point that he cannot do anything else-to the point that others might call it an obsession-to the point that i am now learning about star wars in spite of the fact that i never, ever would have believed it would happen.
he is my boy who doesn't understand how to process his emotions-to the point that almost everything comes out as anger.
he is my boy who sees the world quite literally-to the point that i often have to translate for him-to the point that i overhear many funny replies (a little boy said to him, "are you dreaming?!" to which calvary responded, "no. i am awake. i am standing right here.")
he is my boy who has always seen the world in numbers and patterns-to which i know nothing about-
he is my boy who always has random facts about things i never knew he knew about-did you know that snakes smell with their tongues? he does.-
he is my boy that wants to be social but sometimes doesn't have the energy to make the effort.
he is my boy.
the diagnosis didn't change that for me. what it has done for me is help me understand. it has helped me understand why things have always been different for him. i labeled blogs about calvary "the world of calvary" so long ago because for so long it has been evident that his world and the way he sees it are entirely different. i understand why he has never responded to the parenting techniques for tantrums that i have read about and tried. i now understand why he doesn't modify his behavior for his surroundings like most children his age will. he shouts in the parking lot of target just as much as he shouts at home. i also understand now why i cannot force him to be a typical child. i have to modify my approach in order to expect success. and i have to modify my definition of success. understanding why things are the way they are has been such a liberating emotion for me but even better than that is the window i have been given in to his world. understanding calvary, in the most skeletal way possible, has started to transform our home.
understanding is only one side of the diagnosis coin; the flip side of that coin has been the questions that it has brought. i question everything. should i home school? in what resources should i invest? how can we afford this? what can i expect from him? how do i help his siblings understand why life is different for him? how do i keep my younger children from modeling some of calvary's less than desirable attributes?
the biggest question that i didn't expect myself to ask is,"why?". i have started hypothesising reasons calvary has asperger's. last week, when i was about 2 hours into my research between the connection to pyloric stenosis and asperger's, i realized what i was doing. i guess it seems pretty natural to want to understand why. of course nothing is changed by the answer to that question for calvary's life, but it is interesting to connect the pieces. we can find people in our family tree that closely resemble our oldest son. there is also a connection between the gut and brain that i have found deeply interesting.
mostly, i am still the same. i am still trying to understand what i need to do for him. just like i am still trying to understand what i need to do for harper, oliver jack, and finley. this diagnosis has not changed my world; my world was changed the minute he was born (in all ways wonderful and challenging). but i am in a new world of information. and i do feel overwhelmed.
i have realized how much i need to educate the people around me about the unique qualities of asperger's. calvary is bright. he doesn't need people to feel sorry for him. he needs people to be patient with him. it makes me think of colonizing a foreign land...understand his customs and beliefs and he will be much more receptive and peaceful to your customs and beliefs :)
and maybe a little grace for me...instead of the downward gazes of judgement of my parenting.
never was a child more loved.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
