the magic of "snow" days...

Snow days are so much more interesting with little ones around. i remember being so excited that it may snow and the possibility of school being cancelled. i also remember my little brother getting so angry if the weather man's predictions were not exactly correct. my parents used to avoid letting him see the news because any word from larry sprinkle's mouth was considered truth and nicholas could not quite reconcile nature's failed attempts to make good on the man's word. it has not been since those days that snow has been such a charmed joy. i've always thought snow is beautiful, but it is different to look at the experience through a child's eyes. wednesday night i told harper that it may snow and could possibly be snow in the morning when she woke up. obviously i had forgotten how that one little word could stir up such excitement! the next morning she came into our room and climbed up to my side of the bed and said, "the top of the house is normally black but now it is white!" she climbed in the bed with me for about 30 minutes and i finally said, after 30 minutes of squirming, that she could choose to lay in the bed quietly or go and watch the snow. she looked out the window and watched the snow for at least 45 minutes! she did not make a sound; she just quietly sat and watched the snow fall. thursday was rather dreary because the snow stopped falling and was mostly rain. i let the kids play outside for a about 15 minutes just so that the snow did not pass without giving them a chance to play...but after that it was a day without school or any escapes! we were left to our creativity to embrace the fun of the day. after cleaning, which is everyone's idea of a good time, we put up a tent in the living room and watched a movie. at one point we even turned laundry baskets into little beds. the second snow fall was a little disappointing because we waited around all day for the 5 inches promised (kyle began to remind me of my little brother at this point) only to watch the rain give way to snow around 4 pm. once again, not wanting this opportunityto pass us by, i dressed the kids and we ventured into the dark to enjoy the snow. we have had a great time and every moment that we have like this reminds me more and more how wonderful it is to be a mother. everytime i think about the wonderful things that my mother did for us to help us make snow days magical have helped me realize how essential parents are for creating the joy of childhood. i hope that i can remember this as i attempt to help my children have truly magical memories.

little man....

calvary has, as of late, been adding more and more words to his repetoire. everyday it seems as if he has learned and mastered a new word. this is exciting because for so long we have wondered what words would come behind his pistol-like actions. calvary is truly either scolding hot or freezing cold. there does not exist an in between with him. one minute he will lovingly caress my face and the next, with seemingly no provocation at all, he will be throwing himself, whatever is in his hand, or whatever is near him towards me, the floor, or any other helpless bystander. it is this guerilla type warfare of love and attack that has had kyle and i worried for months that there may be something slightly amiss with our precious baby boy. most of the times we chalk up our worries as young parent anxiety. however, in this case, calvary's teacher delivered a sobering blow on monday when i picked calvary up from school. she mentioned that, in all 23 years of her experience, she has never seen a child act with such unprovoked rage before. she mentioned several examples of calvary's behavior and although i was glad that she was willing to be honest and frank with me, i was also very unnerved by the conversation. as i sat in my car, i looked back at my little boy and i loved him even more than i did that morning. it was very strange. just the thought of someone misinterpreting, misunderstanding, or just simply missing the beauty of my little baby broke my heart and i wanted to hug him and love him and tell him that it was okay that he was the way he is. i turned around, and in an attempt to show my love, i asked "where is my little baby boy?" calvary's response: "I MAN!" i laughed and loved my beautiful, crazy little man.

ps--although we do totally love calvary just the way he is we are taking him for a consultation to discuss non medicinal techniques for dealing with his behavior. please be praying for us as we try to weed through this overwhelming mess of opinions and suggestions. we always want to do what is best for him...

a kyle's worst nightmare....

after dinner tonight harper and calvary went to her room to play. not long after, calvary ran out of the room shouting with glee "Look! Mermaid!". "Mermaid" is the name calvary has lovingly given to all princesses...

new year's hopes for my little ones...

as i sat today thinking about what i would like this new year to be for our family my thoughts went, as they often times do, to my children. what would i hope for this year to mean for them? how will they change? what do i hope to instill into their little lives that only i, as their mother, can?



For myself,

"Your job is to speak out on the things that make solid doctrine. Guide older men into lives of temperance, dignity, and wisdome, into healthy faith, love and endurance. Guide older women into lives of reverence so that they end up as neither gossips nor drunks, but models of goodness. By looking at them the younger women will know how to love their husbands and their children, be virtous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives. We don't want anyone looking down on God's Message because of their behavior. Also, guide the young men to live disciplined lives." Titus 2:1-6



I pray for the unwavering resolution of the faithful women that have shown me what it means to steadfast in the midst of trials and suffering.

I pray for patience as my children learn to live.

I pray for the ability to love the unloveable. I have watched friends love without question and I often times think that I am far too stubborn with my love.

I pray for the desire to pour out the love that I do have without fear, regret, or self-conscious doubt.



For Harper and Calvary,
"You are children of God, your God...You only are a people holy to God, your God; God chose you out of all the people on Earth as his cherished personal treasure."
Deuteronomy 14:2

I pray that Harper's ability to imagine, create, and dream will never be stifiled.
I hope that she will realize that truly is a princess-God's princess, his most cherished personal treasure.
I pray that her desire not to disappoint me will slowly transform into a desire to serve a most perfect God.
I pray that she will be a steadfast individual...uncompromising of her own ideals.
I pray that she will continue to pour out love on the numerous people that love her...
I pray that she will always love to read...with me.


I pray that Calvary's strong will will develop into a form of godly leadership.
I hope that he will realize that he is God's most cherished personal treasure.
I pray that his frustration of not being able to communicate will give way to the knowledge that he is never alone or misunderstood by God.
I pray that he will be a steadfast individual...uncompromising of his own ideals.
I pray that he will gain patience.
I pray that he will want to cuddle with me and smile that smile for me for a very, very long time.


Most of all, I pray that our family will be a godly family that grows together in love. I want our home to always be one of acceptance but also firm guidance. I want to shape my children through loving discipline that teaches them to love and respect authority, not fear and resent it. I do not think that I will achieve the goal of being the perfect mother by any stretch, but I pray all of these things because I know that God is capable of making me the best mother my children could need and praying for anything less would be underestimating God's ability as creator and protector of the entire universe. If He can know the hairs of my head then surely He can grant me steadfast patience and faith as a mother :)

"nothing puzzles God"

i can definitely say without question that this christmas season has been unlike any other i have ever experienced. i believe God has shown me clearer than ever what christmas truly is. katie whitlow passed away early thursday morning (21st). as i prepared myself to talk to my little girl about death i grappled with the reality of death and certainity that it does not discriminate. i told harper that katie, who was 26 at the time of her death, was very sick and in pain and that Jesus said that he would take away her pain but she would have to come home with Him. she is no longer in pain. but merriwether will not be spending christmas with her mother anymore. for any of you that had the distinct joy of knowing katie then you will know that her passing was especially devastating. her life and, subsequently, her death were the ultimate testimony of faith. even in the midst of horrible pain she was continually stating that God loves her. she died as her husband and her mother watched. she left behind her mother, father, brothers and sister, aunts and uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers, a husband, and a daughter. she took with her one precious baby boy, Bascom Ancil Whitlow. i believe that her death came at a time to remind us exactly what christmas is. Jesus came to us as a baby, but more importantly he came to us to die. just as i have loved my children and each year the love i have only grows, jesus was loved by his earthly mother. mary had to stand by and watch her son be crucified. his family watched as he suffered excruciating pain. his death was monumentally devastating to his Heavenly father as well. i believe that it is so easy to forget that God sent Jesus to die. God, his father, sent his own son to die. As a mother I cannot fathom making that sacrifice. this christmas i have been reminded of the humanity of jesus and the omnipotence of God. i am reminded that our children are our most precious gifts. i pray for one ounce of the steadfastness and the ability to love that i have known...

i am thankful for...

a husband that adores me for, not inspite of, all of my flaws
a daughter that has the capacity to love so many with seemingly endless measure
a son whose joy is wonderfully contagious
a father who hugs me and reminds me that i am still a little girl
a mother who hugs me and reminds me that i am a woman
a brother that inspires me to live up to his respect
a brother that teaches me that life is full of cycles
a sister that has wisdom beyond her years
neices that teach me that the world is broader than my scope
a mother and father-in-law that teach me love is not conditional
a job that forces me to realize that influence is a daily responsibility
friends that love me inspite of my selfishness
friends that force me to move out of selfishness
relationships that constantly remind me of the goodness and redeeming powers of Jesus Christ
a woman who has taught me what true faith looks like
a God who has the power and the heart to orchestrate our lives to be rich and fulfilling beyond all reason...


happy thanksgiving...

impossible love

according to tlc, all parents should really be worried about is birthing the baby and bringing the baby home. why don't they have a show called "toddler story" or "being home with a toddler"? with each stage i am painfully aware of how easy i had it the stage before. harper has started manipulating people with her love saying things like, "but i love you," in order to stay awake just a few moments longer. this summer has had some very trying moments. i have watched my daughter scream and cry because she wanted to go home with nana, i watched as she screams and cries and informs me that she is ready for her own life, and i have watched as she slams doors and pouts because she is not allowed to watch any more cartoons. i sometimes wish i was nana. why is it that i have all of this love for her but this is how i get treated? i know that right now she associates love with fun, but it truly does not make it easier. loving a child is agony. agonizing because all i want to do is everything i can to make her smile and laugh and a lot of times i have to be the one causing the frustration and anger. i see now why so many parents took the friend route that so many people criticized while i was in college. it is hard seeing my child be angry with me.
all is made well the minute she flings those little girl arms around my neck and genuinely, and sweetly, says, "mommy i love you." all manipulation and all bribery aside, and what i have left is the joy of my heart requiting the love that i have for her. i realize that she loves me in spite of the discipline i deliver. and i hope that one day she will understand how wrenching it is for me to love her and discipline her at the same time.
it is strange how the most impossible, agonizing love i have every known is the only love that i could not imagine my life without. the love i have for my children is realization of what love is. i understand now what my parents were saying. i understand now what the scripture means when it says, "God disciplines those whom he loves." i now know why Christ endured the cross...love is sacrifice and love is painful, but love is what seperates us from every other creation.
tlc truly needs to inform some people...it is certainly not always tea parties and pillow fights!